Comments on: Do You Think that Chemistry is the Most Important Factor in Deciding on a Partner? Think Again. http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:12:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Roger http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-18345 Roger Sun, 23 Nov 2008 20:03:56 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-18345 I agree with A--L that close friendships, employment history, etc. can tell a lot about a person's ability to successfully enter a relationship. Being 50-something, I suspect that if a person my age has not had a long-term relationship, it is probably not for lack of meeting the right person. Or if it is a case of impossibly high standards, how likely am I to measure up? In my case, having spent 28 years in a good marriage and raising a couple of children, I would avoid a person with no LTR experience on the basis that I am not willing to wait to find out if they have the ability to keep love alive through decades of changes. Since I am currently parenting, being with someone who has successful children makes the the issues around having a teenager in my life much easier. Roger I agree with A–L that close friendships, employment history, etc. can tell a lot about a person’s ability to successfully enter a relationship.

Being 50-something, I suspect that if a person my age has not had a long-term relationship, it is probably not for lack of meeting the right person. Or if it is a case of impossibly high standards, how likely am I to measure up?

In my case, having spent 28 years in a good marriage and raising a couple of children, I would avoid a person with no LTR experience on the basis that I am not willing to wait to find out if they have the ability to keep love alive through decades of changes.

Since I am currently parenting, being with someone who has successful children makes the the issues around having a teenager in my life much easier.

Roger

]]> By: A-L http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-18169 A-L Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:20:45 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-18169 I still contend that one's romantic history of LTRs is not of vital importance. One can also look at other close friendships, or even someone's employment history, to see if they are able to work through problems, compromise, and remain in a good place emotionally. These are all transferable skills, which can also be applied to a romantic relationship. I still contend that one’s romantic history of LTRs is not of vital importance. One can also look at other close friendships, or even someone’s employment history, to see if they are able to work through problems, compromise, and remain in a good place emotionally. These are all transferable skills, which can also be applied to a romantic relationship.

]]> By: Roger http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-18160 Roger Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:29:57 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-18160 I disagree with A-L that a person's past long-term relationships are not important. I will grant that if a person is very young, their potential partners will not have had much opportunity to enter long-term relationships. (hanging together for 2 years in high school is not uncommon). Having the desire does not equal having the ability. There are specific skills for being together and keeping the love alive that are only truly learned by doing. I messed up some great relationships as I learned those skills and I would not want to be someone's first LTR. Dating someone who has consistently broken off relationships for lack of potential bodes poorly for future relationship partners. I disagree with A-L that a person’s past long-term relationships are not important. I will grant that if a person is very young, their potential partners will not have had much opportunity to enter long-term relationships. (hanging together for 2 years in high school is not uncommon).

Having the desire does not equal having the ability. There are specific skills for being together and keeping the love alive that are only truly learned by doing. I messed up some great relationships as I learned those skills and I would not want to be someone’s first LTR.

Dating someone who has consistently broken off relationships for lack of potential bodes poorly for future relationship partners.

]]> By: starthrower68 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-18117 starthrower68 Fri, 21 Nov 2008 04:46:32 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-18117 Interesting posts. You might have to have chemistry to start, and perhaps even when things turn long term inot marriage. But there will be those days you don't necessarily feel the chemistry. So the relationship has to survive based on mutual devotion. That's when love becomes a decision more than an emotion. Interesting posts. You might have to have chemistry to start, and perhaps even when things turn long term inot marriage. But there will be those days you don’t necessarily feel the chemistry. So the relationship has to survive based on mutual devotion. That’s when love becomes a decision more than an emotion.

]]> By: A-L http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-18102 A-L Fri, 21 Nov 2008 02:03:14 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-18102 I have to disagree with Roger about the importance of the person's past long-term relationships. There are people who break off a relationship when they realize there's no long-term potential rather than continuing on in a pleasant relationship for a while (Evan seems to have been one of those until he met his wife). Just because these people may cut bait earlier, doesn't mean they don't have the ability and desire for a longer lasting relationship. They're just waiting for the right person with whom to have the relationship. I have to disagree with Roger about the importance of the person’s past long-term relationships. There are people who break off a relationship when they realize there’s no long-term potential rather than continuing on in a pleasant relationship for a while (Evan seems to have been one of those until he met his wife). Just because these people may cut bait earlier, doesn’t mean they don’t have the ability and desire for a longer lasting relationship. They’re just waiting for the right person with whom to have the relationship.

]]> By: Roger http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-18079 Roger Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:41:06 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-18079 I disagree that immediate chemistry is a negative for the relationship. I do believe passion can be strong enough to overpower my better judgment about basic compatibility issues, leading to an unsatisfactory relationship when the fire cools. I try to screen for compatibility with my core values with extra attention to having successfully maintained long-term relationships. Then, if we're hot for each other, the basis of a good relationship is there. Roger I disagree that immediate chemistry is a negative for the relationship. I do believe passion can be strong enough to overpower my better judgment about basic compatibility issues, leading to an unsatisfactory relationship when the fire cools.

I try to screen for compatibility with my core values with extra attention to having successfully maintained long-term relationships. Then, if we’re hot for each other, the basis of a good relationship is there.

Roger

]]> By: Selena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-16556 Selena Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:17:13 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-16556 Sara #13- You don't have chemistry with someone after you've fallen in love? I don't understand how that works. Sara #13-

You don’t have chemistry with someone after you’ve fallen in love? I don’t understand how that works.

]]> By: Sara http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-16541 Sara Thu, 30 Oct 2008 04:49:47 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-16541 In the first few months of a relationship, yes, chemistry is the most important thing but after you've fallen in love its not. Then, I think its about shared values especially when it comes to faith and money. In the first few months of a relationship, yes, chemistry is the most important thing but after you’ve fallen in love its not. Then, I think its about shared values especially when it comes to faith and money.

]]> By: Selena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-16536 Selena Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:24:00 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-16536 For me chemistry & compatibility are the most important and they are equal. A relationship with chemistry, but without compatibility is the kind that goes nowhere, fizzles out rapidly, or proves to be such a struggle it isn't worth it. A relationship without sexual chemistry is called a friendship. For me chemistry & compatibility are the most important and they are equal. A relationship with chemistry, but without compatibility is the kind that goes nowhere, fizzles out rapidly, or proves to be such a struggle it isn’t worth it.

A relationship without sexual chemistry is called a friendship.

]]> By: lisaq http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/do-you-think-that-chemistry-is-the-most-important-factor-in-deciding-on-a-partner-think-again/comment-page-1/#comment-16513 lisaq Wed, 29 Oct 2008 10:17:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=366#comment-16513 Like most everyone else I have to say that it's not THE most important thing, but it certainly has to be there. No chemistry=no passion. Boring! Like most everyone else I have to say that it’s not THE most important thing, but it certainly has to be there. No chemistry=no passion. Boring!

]]>