Do you think that you should be the center of his universe even though he’s only known you for a few weeks or months – because it makes YOU feel better?
If so, you’re in for a rude awakening.
The man you want to be with DOESN’T make you the center of the universe.
You know who does?
The creepy stalker guy makes you the center of his universe.
The lonely divorced or widowed guy makes you the center of his universe.
The socially awkward guy who has no friends makes you the center of his universe.
You’ve dated these men before and how did you like it?
It’s like he didn’t exist before you came into the picture.
You never meet his friends. You never meet his family.
He’s obsessed with you, calls you ten times a day, and declares his love after a week.
Not to mention that he’s insanely jealous.
Whether you’re hanging out with your girlfriends, hanging out with your ex-boyfriend or away on business and have no time to talk, he freaks out if he’s not involved.
How does it feel to be involved with that guy?
Instead of trying to read the future – and spending all of your time discussing “us” and “where we’re going” – the best way to get a man to want to be with you is to play it cool.
Once the rush of flattery is gone, how long before his attention becomes oppressive and weird? How long before you break up with him to find a guy who has a life, who has self-esteem, who treats you well, but doesn’t obsess over you?
Because if you’d be inclined to break up with that man, I can assure you that Sam will be inclined to break up with Debbie if she keeps up her desire to be the center of the universe.
You WANT a man who has a life.
You WANT a man who enjoys the company of men.
You WANT a man who treats you well every second he can.
And since you CAN’T know the future – whether or not you get married is a story that will take another year or two to write – ALL you can do is continue to enjoy the here and now.
This is one of the most important lessons from “Why He Disappeared: The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever”.
Instead of trying to read the future – and spending all of your time discussing “us” and “where we’re going” – the best way to get a man to want to be with you is to play it cool. To lean back and let him win you over with his efforts. To be fun and easygoing and nurturing and appreciative.
The more you dissect his every move as a “sign” that you should “cut your losses” the more likely you are to drive him batty and force him to choose someone who accepts his daily calls, texts, and declarations of love for what they are – signs that he’s not going anywhere.
If you’ve identified with any of Debbie’s normal insecurities, I understand. Enough disappearing men will make you wary of any new relationship.
But the answer isn’t to force him to cut off his guy friends, quit his job, and promise to marry you after a few months.
The answer is to be sure that he’s treating you the way you deserve to be treated.
If he is, trust that he’s doing the best that he can, and that the longer he stays with you, the deeper in love he’s going to fall.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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