Comments on: Do You Want to Be the Center of His Universe? Be Careful What You Wish For…

By: Kali

Kali — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:42:46 +0000

I think it depends on what both parties are looking for in the relationship. If you aren’t on the same page and one wants a more committed relationship while the other prefers it to be a bit more casual then it won’t work out. I believe that’s a very important conversation to have with one another if you are at this fork in the road. Without talking about it you will never be happy with the outcome.

By: Christina

Christina — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:23:23 +0000

Oops
or just the fact that I am in a different place in life, a changed person. I know I need to work on my confidence and faith in general. It all ties together and is a work in progress. It’s nice to hear that someone feels doubt too without any real reason from the other person.

I’d love to hear more “good situation” love stories that AREN’T too good to be true, because I think I might end up one of those down the road. (fingers crossed)

Anyone out there for inspiration?

By: Christina

Christina — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:15:34 +0000

@Hope:

I completely agree with you. I am in a similar situation, I have been exclusively dating my bf for 2 months and it has been great. SO great. In my last relationship I went to hell and back. So now, I am actually living the “relationship” life I hoped for. I realize its early, I think thats why I too have doubts when we aren’t together or

By: Leesa

Leesa — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 06:47:13 +0000

@samantha. yes, reading back i agree i was way too rough with the way i personally worded my comments above. i didn’t realise how “angry” and rough my comments come accross. i was trying to figure out why when somebody tells me that they love me, i’d, and women from my country in general would expect a guy to behave a certain way. so in the country i live in, if a guy tells you that he loves you, he’s REALLY serious and generally spends all his spare time with you, even if he works 12 hours a day. but i was thinking that in the USA, there might be cultural differences in this respect. i guess for me i was personally touched by the point that he tells debbie he loves her and yet he doesn’t appear (from debbie’s comments) to even require/desire more time with her or want to talk to her (because he’s tired) when he’s not with her. that just doesn’t happen much in this country unless a guy is being dishonest and using a women – especially if he tells her he loves her. but i do agree that after 3 months, two people are still strangers to each other. but i think in general women get emotionally attached quite quickly when we’re sleeping with a guy (i might be wrong about this but i can’t really sleep with a guy regularly without getting emotionally attached), and if they’re also telling me that they love me … well, it’s hard to remember that we don’t know who they really are yet but we’re falling for them because of emotional attachment.

By: Hope

Hope — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 05:28:43 +0000

I can totally relate to how Debbie feels. Especially what she said about “cutting her losses” by breaking up with him now, before he’s even done anything wrong. I’m two months into a great new relationship with a great guy and I can’t stop secretly doubting things in between dates. Not because he’s done anything wrong, but because I have a problem with faith after some disappointing past relationships.
It’s emotionally much easier in the short-term to “cut your losses”, to take control of the relationship even if it means ending it, rather than to deal with the scariness of an unknown future and a new boyfriend’s unspoken thoughts, wishes, and apprehensions. Certainly having a child (which I don’t) could magnify the anxiety even more. But in the long term, that doesn’t seem like a very open-hearted way to date, and while you might cut your losses, you aren’t likely to gain anything either.
I’m writing this more as advice to myself than anyone else, but I think at a certain point you have to decide to relax, enjoy the moment, and have a little faith in the guy because he has shown himself to be worthy of at least a little. It’s really all you can do.

By: samantha

samantha — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 10:51:04 +0000

Reading some of these comments make me feel a bit uncomfortable, 3 months is such a short time to be with, who is in effect a STRANGER! And what I see from the outside is that he is respecting her boundries, giving he space with her son. If after say a year you BOTH havent agreed to include family time then I feel this may be a cause for concern. But to be honest reading this and some of the comments I am feeling omg alot seems to be asked of people in a short space of time. I fear the rushing of a commitment makes you miss REALLY getting to know if you are both right for each other and enjoying the moment the time in getting to know someone afterall what advice would you give your grown up child/sister/friend in the same scenario??

By: Leesa

Leesa — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 08:27:36 +0000

@fluffilion: that’s precisely what i was talking about in my comments 6 and 7. they tell you what they think you need to hear to keep you on the hook … all the while, they are looking to trade up or fool around or both. they’re not committed. in fact, i just made a comment on another of evan’s blog posts (how to let go of my ex for good). i could almost call debbie’s guy a sociopath (based on her concerns). i recommend you google the name. i’m wondering if debbie or you can indentify any traits listed in “the profile of a sociopath” with these guys. i know i could before my ex left me for somebody else and i had the same concerns that debbie mentions in this post. he says all the right things but his actions tell the truth if you don’t make excuses for him (or if you don’t accept the excuses he makes for his lack of enthusiasm when he’s not in the sack with you).

By: Daphne

Daphne — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 23:33:10 +0000

What about if this is the situation after two years ?

By: Elina

Elina — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 20:33:36 +0000

Thank you so much for this post!! I feel such a relief now, cause I was right, though my friends were telling to push more or see that this is not going to last because he is busy doing his business, does not make me his priority.

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:51:25 +0000

The key is to figure out if it is her gut telling her these things or her fear. I agree 3 months is a short time, but I have found men will be more honest and forthcoming in the early months. We just need to listen without emotions.