A reader called me up last week to inquire about my dating coaching services.
She’s 57 years old.
She’s been divorced and widowed to two older men. Neither marriage sounded like a happy one. In our time on the phone, they sounded loveless, sexless and painful.
For that reason, she really wants to get back out there and find love again.
But because of the pain she suffered in the past, she made a rule for her new single life – a rule that she was NOT going to break, no matter what.
“I am not going to date any man who is my age or older.”
This woman is 57.
However, because she had to take care of sick, old men in the past, she swore she was not going to get stuck doing the same thing again.
Most dating coaches don’t turn down money under any circumstance.
It didn’t matter that one of her husbands was 20 years older. Now that she’s 57, all men her age are old, and she’s sure as hell not going to spend her remaining days tethered to a withered man in a wheelchair.
I told her that I didn’t blame her, but that I couldn’t take her on as a client.
She was surprised. Most dating coaches don’t turn down money under any circumstance.
I told her that she was restricting her options so greatly that I would have trouble guaranteeing her a positive result. And that’s my job – positive results.
She didn’t understand. What’s so wrong with a 57-year-old woman wanting a younger man? Men do it all the time. “It’s MY turn to have fun,” she remarked.
I told her that I appreciated that; however, it didn’t really matter what she wanted.
She was still confused. How could it not matter what she wants?
“Because it takes two to tango. If YOU want a man who doesn’t want YOU,” I explained, “There’s no relationship to discuss.”
I tried to explain it the other way around.
“What if an 80 year old man wrote to you online?”
“I’d ignore him, of course.”
“Exactly. Even though you’re what HE wants. Therefore it doesn’t matter what HE wants, if YOU don’t want the same thing.”
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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