Comments on: Do You Want Your Partner To Treat You Like Royalty?

By: Michelle

Michelle — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:56:53 +0000

Not that he is a jerk or mistreats me, but he does not respond to me with the same thoughtfulness and generosity that I given to him. He says it makes him feel like crap…

I have to respond to this because it sounds like a really good relationship and it’s VERY sad if it has to end.

He’s telling you straight out what the problem is, and you’re acknowleding it in your post as well:

1. YOU are doing things out of the ‘goodness of your heart’ so you get something back, not for just the sake of doing the good deed. (You’ll probably deny this and say this is just the woman you are, but you just said you’re not getting back what you EXPECT.)

2. He’s feeling that (crap), which is why it probably makes him not want to reciprocate (because he feels like he could never keep up the frequency and level of the things you are doing for him, and that ultimately, you would be unhappy with his level of effort.)

3. Men don’t want mothers, they want partners. Again, you’ll probably say this is just the way you are, nuturing and all, but he’s probably (and I don’t know for sure) feeling like you are acting like his mother. How excited do you think a man is about being with a woman who acts like his mother?

STOP doing these things for him. Give him SPACE to come to you, it’s too much on your part, you’re smothering and pressuring him. That doesn’t mean you need to be a bitch or anything, but be feminine and RECEIVING (instead of giving which is masculine and a turnoff too). STOP doing.

Really, consider doing something different as I suggest above, what do you have to lose?

Good luck!

By: Jen

Jen — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:33:15 +0000

I’m a little confused. I’ve always treated my men like kings and haven’t ever been treated like a queen?

Because every Therapist I’ve even seen in my life has said that is being co-dependent?

By: Annika

Annika — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:03:56 +0000

I believe in Evan’s philosophy. And, not every man will live up to it.

My current boyfriend and I have been together for over a year… We are probably going to break up soon. The fact that I treat him incredibly well and he does not feel he can do the same for me is playing a huge part in our split. Not that he is a jerk or mistreats me, but he does not respond to me with the same thoughtfulness and generosity that I given to him. He says it makes him feel like crap… so rather than try harder, he is letting me go so I can find someone who will give me more love.

I am so incredibly sad. I am telling myself that I have nothing to regret, because I know I really gave my all to this relationship and was my best self. It makes me so sad that he can’t respond to me the same way, but at least he is having the integrity to recognize this about himself and end things gracefully.

One of my best friends is an ex, who worked hard after our breakup to keep me as a friend because I treated (and continue to treat) him so well.

At the end of the day, I have to live with my decisions. I do not want to be the kind of woman who is unkind or manipulative to a man. I want to be the ex-girlfriend who men look back at and say ‘Why did I ever let her go?’ not ‘Thank god she’s gone!’

By: Ally

Ally — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 20:57:38 +0000

Wow, I really loved this post! One of my former complaints in my current relationship was that my boyfriend didn’t make me feel special. He treated me well and was always very respectful, but some part of me held on to that fantasy of wanting to be treated like a princess. With time what changed was more my outlook, and I realized that it was a two-way street. Now I definitely go out of my way more to make HIM feel special. And to think I almost let a good guy get away!

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 15:55:24 +0000

That one’s easy, Anamari. You treat a man well because quality men respond better to good treatment. However, if you don’t get treated well in return, you WALK AWAY. This is a foolproof mechanism, albeit one that you haven’t exercised yet. Your power to LEAVE is the most important one you have. You can’t be treated poorly by a man whom you’ve DUMPED, so stop blaming him for not committing to you, and go find the man who will – a man, by the way, whom you will treat like a king…

By: anamari

anamari — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 09:51:39 +0000

I am bit confused…
Here Evan suggest us to treat our partners like kings if we want to be treated like princesses…Other dating coaches say that this is the relation killer…giving all our attention, leaning farward…while they simply enjoy, perhaps not walking away(for awhile), and most of the time not giving back.Is my case also, i keep giving, and giving, and treat him like a king, but all i recive from him is .. not walking away…But no future plans, no commitment no nothing..(and is not like he didnt promisse anything in beggining.. HE DID) I know I must walk away, and i will, is only that is not so easy because i moved in other country to be with him and i need first find a job back in my home country.. So, where is the truth in the end? perhaps somewhere in middle? Sorry for my poor english..

By: Shouraku

Shouraku — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 18:14:15 +0000

@Andrea

Oh, I get the joke. The humor was not lost on me at all (have been reading the blog though not always posting for almost 6 months). I just think that all joking aside, Evan’s post was very clear about pointing out that accepting a person for who they are is not the same as accepting poor behavior.

This is why I believe that Steve’s prediction/joke didn’t come to fruition (yet at least), because Evan was abundantly clear in his writing.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 13:26:04 +0000

@Shouraku, Steve’s joke/bet had to do with the fact that Evan’s advice is frequently reinterpreted by readers(usu. the female ones) to mean that women should be doormats who let their boyfriends husband cheat, walk all over them, have affairs with their ex-partners, etc. No matter how sane the advice (and the frequent reminders that you should NOT stick around and cater to someone who is a player or who is otherwise no good), there is frequently a LOT of outrage from the female readers.
So read the old posts and you’ll see why he made this joke. I’m a newer reader here and I’m shocked at how many things seem to outrage my fellow females, esp. the advice to let guys be guys, to trust people from the start, or the idea that someone enjoying certain things is not automatically a sign that he thinks you are ugly or that he is disrespecting you.
What also happens is that many people were married or dating people that they didn’t have to work that hard to catch and keep(which I think is often the case when you are young and hot), so that is taken by many to mean that the advice to make your man feel good about himself is misplaced.
It seems as if a lot of women will add about 10 layers of meaning to everything, as the sample questions in the post indicate. So no, someone wanting to watch a football game is just someone wanting to watch the football game, not, oh my gosh, you love football more than me, why don’t you love me, oh no, you are looking at those cheerleaders and hate that I don’t look like that. It goes on and on and on.
I think the “bet” kept all of the people who’d normally write in to angrily criticize the advice that women should be doormats who have to do all of the changing to keep a man.

By: Honey

Honey — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 23:43:17 +0000

My boyfriend says all the time that he’s never dated anyone who went to such conscious lengths to treat him well on a daily basis. He says he often wonders why I would even date him, when in fact we are quite well matched! It is just that no one he ever dated went out of their way to make him feel like the good guy before, so it is still hard for him to believe that that’s how I really see him. It is!

By: mo

mo — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 21:55:13 +0000

Denise, maybe I do or don’t make “bad choices”. Maybe you do, for all I know, but really don’t care. If you found my comment flip, whatever. It’s obvious these choices did not work. I never said 150 million men are the same. I do believe men are arrogant in expecting a level of perfection they do not meet themselves and that if I adopted such an attitude, they would be offended. If I wanted to twist your comments around I could, but that doesn’t interest me in the least.