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First off- thank-you! I am a single mom and finally find myself in a relationship with another single parent whom I completely respect and trust. Your advice on waiting to have sex until committed, mirroring, and letting him lead the way have 100% worked for me!
Here’s the rub. We have been together 4 months. 1 month in he lost his job, 2 months in his car, and at 3 months was just barely managing to hang on to his home.
He is also building his own business from the ground up and is finally seeing an income again. His stress level is high and his schedule is intense. He is spending all of his free time with me, however, that’s only 1-2 nights a week. We do talk on the phone everyday.
I know he wants to be with me. I know he is overloaded. None of my needs are being met right now (companionship, regular sex). How do I hang on? Do I just grin and bear it? We have weathered quite a bit together in a short period of time and this isn’t exactly the smooth start to a relationship that I always hear is key to long-term success. Plus I feel our communication levels are getting lower, not higher due to everything piling on top of him. How do I gauge a relationship without all the ‘normal’ barometers?
Thanks for listening. –Alyssa
Thoughtful question, which resists an easy answer.
I think it all depends on whether you see this man as having the potential to be your future husband or not.
As long as you’re on his team, you have a great chance to weather this storm and prove your worth as a partner.
If you do, you stick it out.
If you don’t, it’s well within your right to bail.
First, take a look at the man himself. Most of us have gone through hard times in our lives, not unlike your boyfriend.
Some people pull out of them – some people are in a perpetual funk.
Which category does your boyfriend fall into?
Is he a strong, driven, entrepreneurial man with a combination of book smarts, street smarts and drive that will lift him from his malaise?
Or is he the kind of guy who is always bouncing from job to job, who always complains that no one understands him, and who always has big ideas that never quite take off?
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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