But that is the problem.  If a guy pushes for sex early (no matter what he says about being exclusive) it is over for me.  Does that keep me from being emotionally intimate?  I don’t like to think anything is ’keeping me’ from anything… but men need to realize that pushing for sex early to guage a woman’s morals doesn’t work for women who have lots of options.  We are just as likely to rule them out, especially if we don’t hold to gender stereotypes.

I’ve tried having relationships with these guys… but there is no intimacy there. I end up dumping them after a few weeks.  If they don’t like it, then they can keep their junk in their pants for a change and stop expecting the woman to do all of the work of pacing things.

I should add too… that people who start ’relationships’ with lots of multidating and early sex are by definition, emotionally detached and probably not wanting or capable of emotional intimacy… because that is what it takes to have sex with total strangers and not care how many men/women they are seeing in addition to you.   Then they wonder why things don’t work out later on.  It started out with lies, detachment, and a habit of unavailability to begin with.

I’d argue this is the primary reason most online dating experiences don’t work either.       

I agree with you completely I need to force myself to say “no” when I normally would say “no” to a random guy off the street… even if I want to bend the rules for this one, because I like him… say “no” and stick to it. Well. I will completely make yourself remake, 

Thank  you. 

I think the issue here with the emotional Detatchment, is that it isn’t really you being your authentic self. It’s almost like “faking it”. The key that I have learned is that I needed to change myself in a permanent way, and not just my behaviour till a guy liked me.

If you are finding yourself becoming a doormat, then you may need “something” in your life so badly, that you are willing to lose yourself to get it(perhaps love?). I think that is really important to address. It’s not the “doormat” behaviour one should focus on or try to stop, but try and understand the reason why that happens and address that reason.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you may have a small abandonment issue. I think many people have abandonment issues. For anyone that is struggling to remain really true to yourselves for fear of losing a loved one, I would read up on this. It’s entirely possible to overcome it, build very healthy boundaries and really learn how to be intimate with some-one in an authentic way without paralyzing fear.

It really helped me. I don’t change anymore no matter how I like the guy, because I can handle being without him and find it far beneficial to behave in an authentic way. I know that he is the man that actually cares about me..and not the other, more polished me.

Does that make any sense at all?

I wonder if it’s as common for men to feel like doormats, or if it’s just us women.