Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover – In Defense of “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb
Issue #2 with “Marry Him” “If I compromise then I will never feel love.” This is not the message of the book at all. The message is that there’s a HUGE difference between settling down on a healthy, nurturing, comfortable, fun relationship and relegating yourself to an awful, boring, toxic partnership. Thus, Gottlieb’s message isn’t to “settle”on the latter, but to hold onto the former. She’s saying that we need both passion and compatibility, and that compatibility isn’t about whether you both like “The Daily Show”or are really into rollerblading. It’s about whether you’re compatible on the day-to-day things that make a marriage work. From the book: “Most people don’t go into marriage thinking they’re settling. Most go into marriage believing that they’ve found The One. I doubt that the divorce rate is high because the people who supposedly settled are calling it quits. More likely, the divorce rate is high because the people who thought they were madly in love are realizing that they’d been looking for the wrong qualities in a spouse.”
…we need both passion and compatibility, and that compatibility isn’t about whether you both like “The Daily Show”or are really into rollerblading.
This is a very wise quote. Most people marry for passion, it’s that FEELING that gets them all the way down the aisle. What these chemistry-driven people often haven’t considered is what a 40 year marriage is all about: trust, compatibility, compromise, nurturing, selflessness. This is not to say that there’s NO passion, she’s saying that while passion has to be there, it may be wise to start valuing these other qualities at a younger age. One can very much be in love without feeling giddy and weak-kneed, and if you hold out for that feeling, you may just never get married. Issue #3 with “Marry Him” “Gottlieb says that everyone MUST have a husband.” Actually, she doesn’t. Not once. What she is saying is this: IF you want a husband and IF you want your own biological children, you might want to make healthier relationship decisions when you’re 30, because there are generally fewer (and lesser) dating options when you’re 40. That’s all.
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