Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover – In Defense of “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb
Namely, that attempting to “have it all”can be dangerous if misinterpreted, and if you want both the perfect career and the perfect family, there are tradeoffs and compromises to be made. That doesn’t mean you “settled”, it just means that life is complicated and nothing in life, not our friends, not our jobs, not our families, and not our spouses (oh, and not ourselves), is perfect. Gottlieb never suggests that rolling back the clock is the answer, this should be clear, as the author is the consummate educated career woman. But in Gottlieb’s blind confidence that she could and should “have it all,”she realizes now that she passed up several men who would have made her quite happy, and finds herself wondering what she could have done different. There is nothing revolutionary or subversive about this. Gottlieb’s assertion that young women need to consider their life-choices and tradeoffs at a younger age is good, practical advice for women who have the same goals as she does: husband and (possibly) biological children. Issue #6 with “Marry Him” “The author is pathetic and lonely and is speaking only for herself.”
…she realizes now that she passed up several men who would have made her quite happy, and finds herself wondering what she could have done different.
As someone who has known Lori Gottlieb casually over the years, I will say this. She’s not pathetic. She’s not speaking only for herself. Millions of women have the same desires, questions and frustrations hanging over them like a black cloud. Is she lonely? Probably. Then again, she’s no lonelier than anyone else who wants to go through life with a partner and doesn’t have one. Which is to say that Gottlieb is not all that different than you. She’s bright and driven. She’s both confident and insecure. She wants to live a fulfilling life. She’s vulnerable and honest, and brave enough to put herself out there and say things a lot of us wouldn’t admit in public. She never, ever wanted to settle, and she’s not telling you to do anything other than look at what makes for happy long-term marriages, open your heart to more possibilities, and then decide how you want to live your life. And if what you desire is to be in a loving and passionate but realistic marriage with a great guy, you truly can have it all.
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