There aren’t any rules that one can set down about height, age differances, or any other such things. Given that in the U.S., 50% of couples who play by the acepted rules wind up in divorce court, it should seem clear that the safe, conservative path is an invitation to disater.

Let me say something about this “settling business”. It’s a trap. Good enough cuts it if you’re willing to open the pandora’s box of quite likely living the marital equivalent of Thoreaus’ life of quiet desperation.

Current neurophysiology has established there is an unconscious and it can sabotage us in many insidious ways. If you’re a woman who’s romantic ideal was
a guy like Jack Bauer or Alan Shore and you settle for a self-effacing CPA, that ideal is not going to dissipate. If you’re a guy who likes “dancer’s legs”  on a woman and your wife has legs like pencils, what do you think is going to be going on in your head every time you see such a woman: she’ll be compared unfavorably to your ideal.

Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” I cannot think of a single great thinker who suggested we should be satisfied with winning the silver medal–or the bronze unless it was St.Paul or Marcus Aurellius.   

The problem with most men and women when it comes to finding a partner is that they are choked by timidity. They would rather take the safe path then roll the dice and say, “THIS is the kind of man or woman I want and I’ll either find a way of making it happen or I’ll go to my grave unmarried.”

Until you can stake it all on a single roll of the dice, you don’t know how liberating it can be. I have a “romantic ideal”. She is so far out of my class that I sometimes question my sanity but then again, genious always has a touch of madness in it.

The surprising thing is, that since I know exactly what I want, I have lost all fear about approaching, and talking to. women who I once thought were unapproachable. I know before I say a single word that they’re not the one so what do I care if I’m ignored, rebuffed, or mocked. They’re not the one. I’m just
approaching them for the same reason I’d walk up to a Monet or Renoir at the Met museum: I get a bit  of a buzz contemplating beauty.

The other thing is I don’t care if I get shot down 50 times or a 100. As a matter of fact someone–I think the CEO for IBM said–if you want to succedd more fail twice as much.”  

People are soooooo afraid of the word “no” or being laughed at or put down. And why? We know our limitations or those things about us that we find unappealing. We should be shattered because they’re suggesting what we think about ourselvesmay be true–that were not not attractive, buffed, or charismatic as we wished ourselves to be.  

“Settle” if you want but there’s going to come a time–and it’s going to be a bad day for you when you realize Mark Twain nailed it when he said: “Twenty years from now you won’t remember the chances you took; you’ll remember all those opportunities you let pass you by.”

Two last considerations: first. if you get proactive you’re going to get shot down by as many “5′s” as “10′s” so you might as well crash and burn with the 10.  

And second, the 
e who makes your heart skip a beat may be a “10″ in one way but I know one thing: everyone of us is a “10″in one way or another.  

Never think you are anyone’s inferioror superior. The Hindi language has an expression: “Neti, net1: “Neither this or that”. You’re neither the superstar ytou might think you are or the biggest loser; the man or woman you’re attracted to is neither attracted to you or unattracted to you.
A world of possibilities are opened when you you see the futility of putting people in boxes with labelson them.   

I’m not a size 0 anymore but am still a size 2.  I get dates but also get rejected by guys who find me too thin.  I was a size 0 (at my thinnest, 00) and less than 100 pounds until my late 20s.  Back then I got plenty of rejections by men who thought I looked way too frail. In retrospect that really was too scrawny!  I’m still slim but look much better since losing that emaciated look.   

I now make good money, but that hasn’t exactly sent a ton of fabulous men my way either! 

Seriously, what kind of men are you encountering?

I’m not an expert on women’s sizes, but size zero and 5’5″ … isn’t that kind of scrawny?

I really don’t want to be able to count my girlfriend’s ribs.

Really? Do you honestly believe that? I can’t think of any of my happily married girlfriends who fit your description.

I think the phrasing might be the issue- we don’t know. Does your girlfriend tell you that ‘oh, my ex was way better looking than you?” If so…man, you’ve got a thick skin.

My impression is that that’s how Andy’s girl is wording it. Could be wrong of course.

Her previous relationships broke up for a reason. Those other men had their own flaws and problems.

My current girlfriend has dated men who were taller, more muscular, smarter, funnier, wealthier, more successful, (and I would assume better endowed and better lovers). This doesn’t bother me. I’m not insecure about myself, and (most importantly) I’m the one who is easiest to get along with.

I don’t know how your girlfriend is phrasing her comments, but its possible that she’s doing it because she’s insecure as well.