Years ago and before much reflection (and some research in there ) I would have agreed with you.  However, the evidence just simply doesn’t bear out in favor of what you’re saying.  “Romantic love” creates a very TEMPORARY (by necessity as given in my previous postings) and FAKE bond between people.  Its almost entirely chemically created, and created upon a false foundation where the participants (in the throes of such chemical influences) are simply projecting their ideal picture of a partner onto an existing real person who likely doesn’t fit this ideal.  This is why you see people go from finding a particular trait or habit to be “cute”, to being unbelievably annoyed by said habit or trait several years later. By making LIFE decisions during this period, people are making decisions based upon faulty and incorrect inputs.  Its like when people decide to drive when they are intoxicated…it generally doesn’t work out very well (but it seemed like a good idea at the time).  If you’re lucky, you don’t die in the process and neither does anyone else…but the end experience generally isn’t the best in the world.

That bond you are referring to in your context is generally also chemically created, and exists ONLY to keep a couple together long enough to raise a child long enough for it to begin to contribute and fend for itself (which, contrary to popular belief, in the distant past was not 18…it was in the 6-7 year old range or younger).  Oxytocin is heavily involved here…and it creates that sense of bond only for a while when you’re constantly exposed to the stimulus that creates it.  

From a psychological standpoint, the LONG term bond that people can possibly create that could last a lifetime is one formed from clear thought and compatible values.  Forming ANY bond while intoxicated (either through external or internal chemicals) is simply the worst crap shoot you can think of. 

Another piece of information…after childbirth, women (and men) chemically (and in a lot of cases psychologically) bond with the CHILDREN, and the bond between the parents begins the waning process.  Hence, the great number of divorces which take place AFTER children are born among people who hold this kind of chemical bonding in their marriages to be all supreme.  The marriage dies because the glue holding it together is now being chemically driven (in a different way of course) towards the children, NOT the spouses.
        
     

The flipside to that is men by and large are so used to being rejected/ignored online that an unreturned email doesn’t even phase us anymore because it’s expected. The “high” for us is just getting an enthusiastic response which is how we get addicted to it. The 49 ignored emails are forgotten quickly when the 50th responds. The 3 bad dates are forgotten when you have the “fun” one. Of course that’s only the beginning………….. I can assure you….LOL

Then she said she enjoyed my company and would love to “hang out” and that she’d pay her own way etc…… I was very nice and pretended I was happy for her and told her very politely to “that’s ok but you concentrate on your new guy, and if it doesn’t work out give me a call”. Now I’m smart enough to know there may or may not even be “a guy” but no matter what she’s not attracted to me and I’m not a “friend zone” guy I’m an “end zone” guy or nothing. And being that she has 5 months left on her Match subscription I’m sure I was just “guy #3″. Thus the highest high is replaced by the low 9 days later. A “low” that’s lower than normal because the high was so rare. I’m not shocked because I just had a feeling when she made the date that she had “other things” going on and she’d probably cancel. With 20-30 new responses a day why wouldn’t she.

Life goes on…………….and on…………

Unfortunately, many people read the stories, like the one you linked to, and take away something that it isn’t saying.  If you want to use the world “romantic” love (which that article goes to great pains to separate from “passionate” love, which most people don’t do), then this study makes sense.  But what isn’t being taken away from that article, if you understand the ACTUAL study, is that those who maintained that form of “romantic” love were those who accepted that “passionate” love DID fade, and actually WORKED at creating THAT version of “romantic” love (there are too many different definitions of that going around right now–most people see “romantic” love as “passionate” love, and so forth).  

In other words, the ones from the study who had “romantic” love and were more ”satisified” were willing to work to create environments which facilitated such feelings without expecting their partner to CREATE the feeling (just by existing).  Those who faded into “companionate love” were NOT willing to work at facilitating romance, but were also unwilling to give up the relationship (hence, calling it a compromise).

So, saying you’re unwilling to settle is fine…as long as you are willing to put that effort into CREATING those feelings.  Just hoping to find someone who makes them happen for you is simply saying you are waiting for that study’s defintion of “passionate” love…which will, as the study suggests, only work for you in the short run.
       

It all comes down to how you define “love.” Currently, in today’s society, we utilize ”love” when referring to a subset of love: Romantic love.  And in fact, that phenomenon has only really been around in popular culture since the French came along and started talking about it as such–during the 1400s I believe. 

“Romantic love” as we define it today, is that “in love” feeling of overwhelming attraction, desire, passion, and “can’t get enough” of the person.  And, as the article indicates, its driven by intense dopamine cascades, oxytocin releases, and so forth.  Basically, its called “getting high” on your own juices–hence the comparison to cocaine-related highs.

Why do we do this?  Simple…to spur us on to mate and create children. It is NOT meant as a mechanism to choose a life partner and cannot be such. Biologically, we were not meant to mate with only one individual–from a primitive point of view that makes no sense and serious limits the ability of the species to propagate properly and to create proper mixing of the available gene pool. A human species that pair bonds permanently with one mate for children in the distant past would have likely been a disaster and failure.

Today, this primitive mechanism of mate choice is no longer very necessary, or adequate–because it doesn’t rely on reason, rationality, or any form of REAL emotion. It relies on the psychological effect of becoming, well, basically high.

During that period of being “high” (adequately defined as obsessive infatuation), you will unconsciously project your ideal characteristics upon this person. This person becomes everything you ever wanted, and you will “fit” them into the mold you desire inside your own head.  Even characteristics that would be annoying, values that are not compatible, and so forth will be explained away with self-derived excuses that to an outside observer who is not in this state could even be termed ridiculous. Warning signs will be ignored…because just like a drug addict, you will need your next ”hit.”  This all makes sense from a primitive standpoint…the “high” was there to maintain the pair bond and the ideation of the partner long enough to have a child.  Biology doesn’t care what makes sense or what would make you content long-term–it simply drives you to have that child and continue the species.

Then, like any drug you are exposed to over time, you need more and more to get any effect.  Eventually, you CAN’T get the effect…you can’t really get high any longer from that source.  You begin to actually notice the incompatibilities and flaws in your partner.  You begin to see them not as your ideation has made them out to be in your mind, but as they actually are. Disillusionment comes during this phase, when you realize that you aren’t “in love” anymore (if you use the definition MOST people use for this–which comes from that feeling of being high).  

Primitive humans, at this point, moved on and mated with someone else.  Again, back when propagation of the species was everything, this made complete sense.  Now, with modern society and MORE than enough people to go around…not so much.  With the toils and turbulence of modern life, from a psychological standpoint what most people actually need is a stable life partner to help them deal with life…not a drug (and we can all see what drugs do to people over time…they are ecstatic during the highs, but off the highs, they are miserable as the drug isn’t there for them).

Its a shame people still make life-partner selections based upon “romantic love” (which, I argue, shouldn’t be called “love” at all in order to give proper credit to emotional states which are much more important and define REAL love). ”Romantic love” is a TERRIBLE, AWFUL, HORRIBLE mechanism by which to choose a life partner.  If you are in the throes of such a state, you CAN NOT and WILL NOT make rational decisions about compatibility, LIKABILITY, and any number of things that are essential towards deciding to spend your life with someone. 

Furthermore, if you are someone who INSISTS that they feel “romantic love” (infatuation, obsession, etc) before getting to know someone, you are, in my opinion, setting yourself up for disappointment.  Because even if you are amazingly lucky enough to score the jackpot and that person who gave you those feelings turns out to be compatible enough to stick around (and you want them to) after the inevitable fade, you are going to end up LONGING for those “highs”…which creates another set of psychological difficulties towards maintaining the relationship.

Personally, I think its much more important to have a clear head and decide if you LIKE someone…falling into LIKE.  THAT is a much better basis for building TRUE love and caring in a relationship.  I grant you, in this society of hollywood romantic tales and the robotic insistence of everyone around that thinking rationally is a poo-poo on things its not as “dramatic.”  But in my experience, it is 1000% more STABLE and lasting.
      
                     

Anyhow, I appreciate the scientific background you provided about love, for it just shows how powerful it is, and believe it or not love is a force that we all need to have in order to live long happy lives. People without REAL Love in their lives often resort to drugs to try to feel the void.