What Signals Are You Giving For A Man To Approach You?

What Signals Are You Giving For A Man To Approach You?

Had lunch yesterday with an amazing entrepreneur, Kristin Moore, who is the founder of a site that designs witty t-shirts that signal that you’re single. I’d met her at my friend Dr. Alex Benzer’s book signing last week, and she mentioned to me over my tuna wrap that she also has a blog.

Kristin put some of Dr. Alex’s advice into practice, performing a social experiment of sorts: how many men would she meet if she sent out a ton of non-verbal signals one night?

Well, I checked it out and saw that Kristin put some of Dr. Alex’s advice into practice, performing a social experiment of sorts: how many men would she meet if she sent out a ton of non-verbal signals one night?

The answer was illuminating. But first, check out the signals she was instructed to use:

1. Smiling at him broadly
2. Throwing him a short, darting glance
3. Dancing alone to the music
4. Looking straight at him and flipping hair
5. Keeping a fixed gaze on him
6. Looking at him, tossing head, then looking back
7. “Accidently” brushing up against him
8. Nodding at him
9. Pointing to a chair and inviting him to sit
10. Tilting head and touching exposed neck
11. Licking lips during eye contact
12. Primping while keeping eye contact
13. Parading close with exaggerated hip movement
14. Asking for his help with something
15. Tapping something to get his attention
16. Patting his buttocks

They’re not all subtle, but studies say they are effective. Sure enough, Kristen had 4 guys approach her and ask for her number in one night. Consider this the next time you say “no guys hit on me”, okay?

More importantly, have an amazing weekend. I’m celebrating my birthday with my wife and friends on the beach in Santa Monica and will do everything in my power not to think of work while I’m there…

Take care,

Evan

25
16

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Comments:

  1. 1
    kristin

    It was great meeting you as well Evan!

    And all those ladies out there, try your own experiment and see what happens! Remember confidence is key.

    Cheers!

  2. 2
    Jennifer

    I have one of those Single Tease t-shirts; it’s cute. I’d like it even more if it came with an option for a different cut- v-neck or scoop neck.

    1. 2.1
      kristin

      Hi Jennifer,

      Its great to hear that you have a SingleTee! We would love to hear about your experiences wearing it…which message do you have?

      We sometimes get the request for a tee with a lower front cut, and may someday offer that as an option. But since we purposely placed the message above the breast region, a low cut tee cannot be used.

      We know men will look in that direction, and yes we are fabulous women so its ok, but its a more clean cut approach for the message to not go directly over the breasts. We are trying to distinguish ourselves from all the tees with messages that tend to be sexually explicit or stupid humor. At the end of the day, its about meeting “nice” guys, right?
      : )

  3. 4
    Jennifer

    Hi Kristin!
    I hadn’t thought about that, but you make an excellent point. I was just going off of the fact that I usually wear v or scoop necks so a different cut takes some getting used to, you know?
    I have the “single.” shirt in black with white lettering.

    1. 4.1
      kristin

      Hi Jennifer,

      You should try out some of the other messages, since “Single” is the most bold one, that’s for sure! Like “Support your local library (check me out!)” or “Boyscouting (are you prepared?)”, work quite well.

      also we are giving out our yearly summer love, only happens once a year 50% OFF until end of July. PROMO CODE: HOT50.

      happy friday!

  4. 5
    Selena

    Cute site! Thanks for linking Evan.

    Not sure about the tee’s for someone…(cough) older. Say Hello maybe? Love the idea.

  5. 6
    kristin

    Thanks Selena. Its actually why we came out with a wide variety of messages for every age group and comfort level. Thinking we would only sell these tees to 20-30 yr olds, its been a great response with women in their 40′s to even 60′s!

    But so glad you love the idea. : )

  6. 7
    moonsical

    Evan/Kristen,

    Thanks for this post. I have another piece of advice: don’t stand near any men! It’s funny but I go to functions in my town and it’s lately come to my attention that if I stand by a man, other men think I am with that man! What? Omg. So, I have found this detrimental to being seen as single. In fact, men have told me they just assume I, “have someone special in my life,” because they think I am cute. As in, because they think I am cute, how could I not have a boyfriend? Sigh.

    Guys! Wake up! We are not all taken!

    moon

    1. 7.1
      Diana

      Hey, me too! Being attractive has often times been a negative because the men assume too much, or feel too intimidated to approach. It’s like, “What if she says no?” Well, I can’t say yes unless you do something!

      I think a good smile and eye contact work pretty well. I think I’ll pass on #16. :)

      1. 7.1.1
        Meli

        Oh my God! It’s the same with me! Sometimes I give some guy a signal like, making eye contact, and the guy looks to his back to see if I’m staring to someone else! LOL
        Guys often tell me they think I’m way too hot to be single and when I tell them I am then they assume I’m out of their league -DESPITE the signals. It’s funny because all I want it’s a ‘regular Joe’ and those are very easily intimidated by looks. What I’m trying lately is going out at night with my glasses (no contact lenses) and toning down my style (I love fashion) and a lot more guys are approaching me! It’s kinda silly when you think about it, having to ‘ugly yourself up’ a bit in order to attract guys but in my case, it’s kinda working! LOL

        1. Nicole

          Ladies, I’m with you here! I get told all the time “I can’t believe you are single”, yet rarely get asked for my number (and if they do, they never call me).  I’m going to try to ‘ugly myself up’ – thanks Meli for he phrase, it made me giggle – and see if it works…

  7. 8
    Lance

    Cool idea, I would be all over an attractive woman wearing one of these in heartbeat, although I’d prefer something a bit more subtle. Obviously, you probably couldn’t wear one of these out to the bars and clubs on a Saturday night. I’ve had it knocking around in my head that there should be some kind of system for indicating that a woman is single and looking, like a certain ring or necklace. If I do see a woman wearing a particularly flashy necklace, I almost always comment on it and see if there’s a pickup opportunity.
    .-= Lance´s last blog ..Drinking, Cheating, and Other Concerns =-.

  8. 9
    Steve

    I was at a picnic once and thought a woman I was interested in was into another guy there. As we were all getting in our cars to go home she shoved her email address into my hand and told me it was just for me to use.

    We had several lovely dates.

    Sometimes ( not always ) being blunt works.

  9. 10
    Paul

    I think it’s that “look” that women give…held a little longer than normal, usually with a smile but maybe not. It’s that T0. look that goes right into your eyes. That look that says “I like you”. You just know it when you see it. It says “I accept you”. I always thought all women knew that? Maybe not. I read somewhere that almost all approaches were generated by the women in non verbal ques. She is basically saying “it is OK to approach me”. Then the guy approaches and it’s all his idea. LOL. No one ever said women can’t be crafty! I also read that if a man looks at her and doesn’t turn away, and she does, then looks back within 23 seconds, she’s interested. Pretty true if you think about it.

    1. 10.1
      Meli

      ‘She is basically saying it is OK to approach me. Then the guy approaches and it’s all his idea.’

      Hahaha that’s so true!
      Once I was at a party and saw this incredibly attractive guy and started to send him all kinds of signals to let him know that I like him. He just stared at him for most of the night. He finally approached me and we ended up dating for a while and eventually he told me that the reason he hesitated so much to approach me that night was that I seemed very entertained with my friends, that I hadn’t notice him so he wasn’t sure I would like him to interfere! To me it had felt like so much work and he thought it was all his idea!

      Guys need a lot of reassurance of interest, sometimes we think we’re very obvious with our signals but for a guy’s brain those are actually quite subtle. :)

  10. 11
    dadshouse

    It’s too bad how many single women DON’T send out these non-verbal cues. So many try so hard to play it cool as a cucumber that they have no worries, and no interest, when in fact they’d love to be in a relationship. Flirt, people! You might just meet someone that way. Beats the hell out of online dating, in spades. I say that from experience – in nine years of divorce, I’ve met all but one of my girlfriends the old fashioned way, by meeting them in real life, at BBQs, dinner parties, block parties, birthday parties. etc. Not online. It all starts with some non-verbal cues and conversation.
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog ..Metaphysical Magic =-.

    1. 12.1
      Maggie

      If I did any of these things you suggest.. To be perfectly honest..Yes I agree you would get a guys phone number.. mostly because you were giving the vibe you were interested in sex!!! I mean you suggest we give men the come on which i dont feel is appropriate to do..touching your neck and tossling your hair .. a sexual come on…

      1. 12.1.1
        Maggie

        That and most of the other suggestions a slut would do…

  11. 13
    starthrower68

    I have tried to be better about being aware of my non-verbal cues and practice making the eye contact, etc. I still find it very difficult to do. It’s so far out of my comfort zone that I find myself continuing those patterns that say I’m closed off. I’m not sure how to break the habit. Maybe when I get some more weight off it will come easier. I’m very warm and open when I get to know someone, but it’s that initial contact that is very difficult for me. I can strike up a conversation with other women, say in a grocery store, or I’m comfortable on the phone (if I don’t have to call the guy) but it is still just really difficult for me.

  12. 14
    Mary

    A few weeks ago I saw this really good looking guy with a unique style. He was interesting and I was kind of staring at him. He then got up and was making his way over to talk to me, however I kind of lost confidence and got nervous. It must have been enough to derail things.

  13. 15
    Seductress

    By far the best signal is a smile with eye contact.

    I make it a habit of smiling at everyone I see. Men, women and children. Because of this, I’ve developed an open, friendly demeanor naturally. I’m shy by nature, so this has helped me a great deal to ‘feel’ more confident and connected to other people and has produced amazing results.

    I’ve had men approach me in sporting goods stores, grocery stores, book stores (just going about life) because I had smiled at them and made them feel comfortable.

  14. 16
    Kristyn

    I tend to think I smile all the time but last week and this weekend, I made it a big toothsome grin. It really is amazing because if you smile at someone – they actually smile right back at you – as if they couldn’t help it. And I did meet someone this weekend – added bonus.

  15. 17
    Karl R

    Kristyn said:
    “if you smile at someone – they actually smile right back at you – as if they couldn’t help it”

    It works equally well for men smiling at women.

    Seductress said:
    “this has helped me a great deal to ‘feel’ more confident and connected to other people”

    Essentially you’re establishing a connection to the other person, and many of them will reciprocate in kind. It’s a starting point for establishing a more substantial connection, and not just the romantic kind.

    Meli said:
    “sometimes we think we’re very obvious with our signals but for a guy’s brain those are actually quite subtle”

    It’s more complicated than that. Most women give a mixture of signals. For example, the lady I was dating last night sent a number of “positive” signals through eye contact, smiling, etc. On the other hand, she had her legs crossed and her body turned somewhat away in a distinctly “closed” manner. I’m certain she wasn’t intending to send two conflicting sets of signals; I strongly expect that she intended to send one set of signals and had no idea that she was sending the other set.

    Meli said:
    “It’s kinda silly when you think about it, having to ‘ugly yourself up’ a bit in order to attract guys”

    It may have to do with different preferences. I’m more attracted to women wearing glasses. Even in a long-term relationship, I prefer the way a lady looks in glasses over contacts (provided it’s a decent-looking set of glasses). That rules out intimidation being a factor in my case.

    If a woman obviously spent a lot of time on her outfit, hair and makeup, then I interpret that as “high-maintenance”. I prefer women who are laid-back, not those who are high-maintenance.

    I wouldn’t rule out intimidation as a factor in what you’ve observed, but it’s probably not the only factor.

    Mary said:
    “I kind of lost confidence and got nervous. It must have been enough to derail things.”

    Probably. When people get nervous they start sending out a lot of “negative” signals.

    1. 17.1
      Meli

      Uhmm..interesting points, Karl.

      I think it’s a little shortsighted to label someone as ‘high maintenance’ just because they really really like to take care of themselves, though. I definitely enjoy the whole process of shopping, selecting my outfit, and doing my hair and makeup, -especially for a night out or a hot date- but that doesn’t define me as a person, it’s just a part of who I am. I also enjoy being outdoors in the country, practicing extreme sports, eating greasy food, etc. I think it’s rather easy to conclude from simple conversation that I am an independent woman with a wide range of hobbies and interests.. although understandable, it’s still quite sad that people can only see a one-dimensional bimbo who can’t hold a conversation beyond shoe brands when it’s so easy to just approach and verify yourself.

      Regarding other factors, well, it’s not body odor, LOL. I’ve also thought about the fact that I’m a foreigner living in a country in which guys and girls have an entirely different “dating culture”.

      By the way, please excuse my English since it’s not my first language =)

      1. 17.1.1
        Karl R

        Meli said:
        “I think it’s a little shortsighted to label someone as ‘high maintenance’ just because they really really like to take care of themselves,”

        Why? If someone spends that much effort towards maintaining themselves, I find it perfectly reasonable that they might expect someone else to spend a similar degree of effort on them.

        And these assumptions aren’t set in stone. I keep revising them as I learn more about a person.

        I also think you’re misunderstanding the meaning of “high maintenance”. It has nothing to do with how intelligent or well-rounded a person is. I have a couple high-maintenance friends who are quite intelligent and well-rounded. It has to do with how much it costs (in time, effort, money, emotional support, etc.) to keep the person happy.

        “it’s so easy to just approach and verify yourself”

        If I’m at a dinner with eight people, I would take the opportunity to get to know each person. If I’m out someplace where there are 50 women or more, I won’t have the time to get to know all of them. So I’ll start with the women I think I’ll like the best.

  16. 18
    Michael

    A woman should wear a miniskirt.

    If she sees a man she is interested in, she should sit down, glance at him, smile, and uncross her legs. (Women who wear miniskirts normally cross their legs when sitting down.)

  17. 19
    NonExist

    @ Diana # 10 and Meli # 17
    I understand exactly what you are saying.
    And on behalf of some of myself who is an average guy who feels like there is no way that lovely lady lady standing over there can be into me, I apologize.

    Sometimes I just figure with the other guys in there who seem to be considerably more charming there is no way she is looking at me.

    And there have been many cases where I have mistook a look and a smile for just her being cordial. (or maybe it was when she saw me up close she changed her mind).

    Yes, lolz one of my flaws is sometime insecurity towards women who might be considered very attractive in general.

  18. 20
    Melina

    what is Kristin’s blog? which of these got you the numbers? 

  19. 21
    Sabrina

    I hardly think touching someone’s butt is “subtle.”  It’s more like invading one’s personal space and is just straight up creepy.

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