After a mentally abusive relationship, and a lot of bad dates and or one nighters… I got to a place where I stopped looking to be in a relationship and just enjoyed being somewhat promiscuous and enjoyed being single in the Manhattan dating scene. Over a year ago, I met my current boyfriend, who at the time, was nothing more than the guy I called when I needed a warm body next to me at night. After our strictly physical relationship became more routine (in a good way), I began to see what a beautiful and simple, kind, loving man he could be. Here’s the twist… in addition to being so sweet, he is also understanding. I decided to reveal my past to him and explained that I am a post-op transsexual and let him know that if he wasn’t comfortable with my past then he could go on his way and I would as well…
Long story short, he accepted me and eventually we took our relationship to the next level and we have now been living together for 9 months. He accepts me and my past more than any other man has, but the problem is this… I feel he lacks ambition and even a certain amount of social skills/intelligence at times and it bothers me. He’s a simple, loving, non-judgmental creature who drives a bus for a living and plays video games when he has free time. Occasionally, we will go out dancing, but that is the extent of our activities. I’m 28, an aspiring actress/commercial model, ex escort/stripper. I have lived more in my half a lifetime than some ever will, and sometimes I feel I deserve someone who is a bit more worldly or has more life experience.
And while you seem to have processed your past in a healthy fashion, make no mistake about it, you’re carrying a full set of Samsonite into any relationship.
But everytime I think that way I remind myself of my circumstances… my prior failures with men, my transsexuality and the fact that I can’t have children… and I snap out of it momentarily, only to be discontent again at a later date. He has brought up marriage and I shy away from it, but the thought of getting back out there in the single life and risking being rejected by men who may not accept me and my past scares me… I’m so torn. Please help!
Well-written, and probably the first post-op transsexual reader question I’ve had yet. Thanks.
So, to start off, I’ve gotta tell you: I’m torn, too.
I mean, it would be easy to tell you to keep him. You know how lucky you are to have found such a non-judgmental man in a very judgmental world. Hell, I come from Los Angeles and New York, where men break up with women if they’re 5 lbs overweight or didn’t get an Ivy League degree.
And while you seem to have processed your past in a healthy fashion, make no mistake about it, you’re carrying a full set of Samsonite into any relationship. Finding a man who loves and accepts both your transsexuality and escort experience is a tall order indeed.
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