Comments on: Guys Fall in Love With Me Waaay Too Quickly. What Can I Do To Slow Things Down? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:12:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Jessture http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-180905 Jessture Sat, 17 Sep 2011 13:14:47 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-180905 I have this same issue....of men falling "in love" quickly.  These aren't guys who wind up falling out of love or losing interest or are commitment phobic.  These are men who want commitment right away...who fall in love and declare me the one they've been looking for.  So the issue isn't about them being commitment phobic or losing interest in me...or me falling off the pedestal that they unfortunately put me on.  I am a very down to earth friendly girl...and pretty to boot...plus mom of 3 kids...and nursing student.  I'm pretty awesome in my own right, but I honestly don't see what the fuss is about.  My exes stay in love with me for years after our relationship ends...and this makes things confusing and hard.  I feel like no one wants to be friends with me...they only want to "love" me and hope to be with me/pursue me....exes and new men I meet.  It sucks....feels like a curse.  I'd love to be off the market...but with men falling so quickly and easily, it makes it really hard to just browse the market.    I have this same issue….of men falling “in love” quickly.  These aren’t guys who wind up falling out of love or losing interest or are commitment phobic.  These are men who want commitment right away…who fall in love and declare me the one they’ve been looking for.  So the issue isn’t about them being commitment phobic or losing interest in me…or me falling off the pedestal that they unfortunately put me on.  I am a very down to earth friendly girl…and pretty to boot…plus mom of 3 kids…and nursing student.  I’m pretty awesome in my own right, but I honestly don’t see what the fuss is about.  My exes stay in love with me for years after our relationship ends…and this makes things confusing and hard.  I feel like no one wants to be friends with me…they only want to “love” me and hope to be with me/pursue me….exes and new men I meet.  It sucks….feels like a curse.  I’d love to be off the market…but with men falling so quickly and easily, it makes it really hard to just browse the market.   

]]> By: DG http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-146462 DG Thu, 24 Mar 2011 03:00:13 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-146462 It seems that these women are really great, e.g., intelligent, gorgeous, nice, etc. So, why don't these men continue to like them is my question? I'm curious to know what "flaws" specifically, if any, discourages these men from pursuing the relationship further? It seems that these women are really great, e.g., intelligent, gorgeous, nice, etc. So, why don’t these men continue to like them is my question? I’m curious to know what “flaws” specifically, if any, discourages these men from pursuing the relationship further?

]]> By: SJS http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-144766 SJS Mon, 14 Mar 2011 08:26:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-144766 This happens to women who are attractive and also a little quiet. The quietness allows enough space for the suitors to fill in the blanks with what they fantasize. These women cannot just get sloppy because hygene and "evidence of effort" in personal appearance matters in relationships with men, even moreso than objective attractiveness. It can be exacerbated if the woman's life is lacking in stability (she is in a career transition) or she has a less well-developed sense of self. A way to mitigate the problem could be focusing on cultivating a community of female friends for a while to develop your sense of self. This happens to women who are attractive and also a little quiet. The quietness allows enough space for the suitors to fill in the blanks with what they fantasize.
These women cannot just get sloppy because hygene and “evidence of effort” in personal appearance matters in relationships with men, even moreso than objective attractiveness.
It can be exacerbated if the woman’s life is lacking in stability (she is in a career transition) or she has a less well-developed sense of self.
A way to mitigate the problem could be focusing on cultivating a community of female friends for a while to develop your sense of self.

]]> By: Jumpdates http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-138613 Jumpdates Fri, 11 Feb 2011 07:58:04 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-138613 Hmm, this is a rather interesting post and I would surmise that the problem lies with both individuals in the Kara story. My point is that if Kara knows that men fantasizes about her looks and appearance then why does she fall off the pedestal so often? The psychology behind this behavior is a need for attention and stems from insecurity by the person. It happens that we often don't fully appreciate our behavior with the opposite sex as a result of our own dissatisfaction with our self. I have been in that type of relationship before where I actually felt that I was in love but in reality the woman was very insecure and needed attention and was always demanding. This makes the other person crave for more especially if they are not astute to the ways of the woman. I found over time, its better to reflect on ones own behavior when it comes to the matter of the heart and relationship. By seeking or reacting to changes in the other person doesn't solve the problem but in fact can make it worse. Hmm, this is a rather interesting post and I would surmise that the problem lies with both individuals in the Kara story. My point is that if Kara knows that men fantasizes about her looks and appearance then why does she fall off the pedestal so often?
The psychology behind this behavior is a need for attention and stems from insecurity by the person. It happens that we often don’t fully appreciate our behavior with the opposite sex as a result of our own dissatisfaction with our self.
I have been in that type of relationship before where I actually felt that I was in love but in reality the woman was very insecure and needed attention and was always demanding. This makes the other person crave for more especially if they are not astute to the ways of the woman.
I found over time, its better to reflect on ones own behavior when it comes to the matter of the heart and relationship. By seeking or reacting to changes in the other person doesn’t solve the problem but in fact can make it worse.

]]> By: Goldie http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-73017 Goldie Mon, 28 Jun 2010 21:05:59 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-73017 Great post, very good advice. (See, I can be positive.) I've been on both ends of crushes, and have never known how to act in either position. I second what Evan said - yes guys, when you get all Cable Guy on us, it is a massive turn-off and, more often than not, the knee-jerk reaction is to dump you. Feeling guilty in the process, may I add!   Bookmarked it. Thanks for the post and comments. Great post, very good advice. (See, I can be positive.) I’ve been on both ends of crushes, and have never known how to act in either position. I second what Evan said – yes guys, when you get all Cable Guy on us, it is a massive turn-off and, more often than not, the knee-jerk reaction is to dump you. Feeling guilty in the process, may I add!
 
Bookmarked it. Thanks for the post and comments.

]]> By: Veronika http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-73004 Veronika Mon, 28 Jun 2010 19:28:46 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-73004 Kara's email and Paul's reply (#5) reminded me of the guy I "tried to work it out" last December. I know him for three years, we had the attraction ever since we met. It's that one of us was always taken. So in november we happened to become free and met, and it clicked immediately - the kind of relationship where you don't care of taking slow because it's just "perfect". Although I reminded him how heart broken I was. He fell in love. We had talks about it, how I don't take it easily that he idolises me, how I can't handle him trying to own me too soon after a guy I loved dumped me without a word (well, he was heart broken too t the time thus he said he cannot commit, he's "too scared, too cautious" and "if he has feelings for his ex it's just not right"). My man seemed to understand than he turned around 180 degrees. He was fighting over everything, mostly about my friends, not seeing me enough (4 days a week) - he was invited to occasions by my friends who wanted to meet him and he turned it down saying my friends are more important to me.... I really wanted it to work with him because he is an amazing person inside and out, funny, charismatic, good interesting personality with a big heart and honesty. But at a point I just couldn't. It was all because he fell in love too soon. He just made me run away despite me wanting him. A month after breaking up he contacted me and said he thoguht about it and sees clearly. But he's still in love. I see it in his emails, text messages etc.... we don't meet in person because he moved to a different country but he is even trying to convince me I should move to Ireland. He's even looking into job offers that fit to my profession. He's one of the greatest men I have ever met and it's just turning me off - him trying to own me is down right scary. And I am still in love with someone else which I told to this guy, I tried to fight against it, and from day one he said he doesn't care. I really tried not to play with his feelings and it's a real lose/lose situation... Kara’s email and Paul’s reply (#5) reminded me of the guy I “tried to work it out” last December. I know him for three years, we had the attraction ever since we met. It’s that one of us was always taken.
So in november we happened to become free and met, and it clicked immediately – the kind of relationship where you don’t care of taking slow because it’s just “perfect”. Although I reminded him how heart broken I was.
He fell in love. We had talks about it, how I don’t take it easily that he idolises me, how I can’t handle him trying to own me too soon after a guy I loved dumped me without a word (well, he was heart broken too t the time thus he said he cannot commit, he’s “too scared, too cautious” and “if he has feelings for his ex it’s just not right”).
My man seemed to understand than he turned around 180 degrees. He was fighting over everything, mostly about my friends, not seeing me enough (4 days a week) – he was invited to occasions by my friends who wanted to meet him and he turned it down saying my friends are more important to me….
I really wanted it to work with him because he is an amazing person inside and out, funny, charismatic, good interesting personality with a big heart and honesty. But at a point I just couldn’t. It was all because he fell in love too soon. He just made me run away despite me wanting him.

A month after breaking up he contacted me and said he thoguht about it and sees clearly. But he’s still in love. I see it in his emails, text messages etc…. we don’t meet in person because he moved to a different country but he is even trying to convince me I should move to Ireland. He’s even looking into job offers that fit to my profession. He’s one of the greatest men I have ever met and it’s just turning me off – him trying to own me is down right scary.
And I am still in love with someone else which I told to this guy, I tried to fight against it, and from day one he said he doesn’t care. I really tried not to play with his feelings and it’s a real lose/lose situation…

]]> By: JerseyGirl http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-43297 JerseyGirl Mon, 14 Sep 2009 17:23:06 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-43297 Wow, alot of the guys seem hard on the OP for no reason at all. Alot of these guys that are putting her on a pedestal sound very unstable and immature. Wow, alot of the guys seem hard on the OP for no reason at all.

Alot of these guys that are putting her on a pedestal sound very unstable and immature.

]]> By: Dope http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-42619 Dope Mon, 07 Sep 2009 22:22:42 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-42619 Honesty in relationships and Idealism versus Realism are some topics I've been exploring on my blog recently, too. It's important to be both honest and realistic, but to have your realism <em>informed </em>by idealism, I think. The spreadsheet idea was pretty great though, even if, as you say, it's inorganic and clunky. The idea of a girl passing me a USB key with a list of her faults on it to read before she'd consider dating me cracks me up. Honesty in relationships and Idealism versus Realism are some topics I’ve been exploring on my blog recently, too. It’s important to be both honest and realistic, but to have your realism informed by idealism, I think.

The spreadsheet idea was pretty great though, even if, as you say, it’s inorganic and clunky. The idea of a girl passing me a USB key with a list of her faults on it to read before she’d consider dating me cracks me up.

]]> By: Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-42608 Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach Mon, 07 Sep 2009 19:11:11 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-42608 Great topic and a lot of great answers, I particularly like Diana's reply on # 10 and Lorihaah # 25. I also agree with Evan about that this type of initial passion, which I would call infatuation, does not last in a relationship and often blinds us from reality. And I have met and know plenty of good looking, handsome, and attractive men who can see past the initial beauty of attractiveness of a women whom are in the market to take the time to find the right one for them, so I don't think this is the problem here either. But this is not to minimize Kara's experience, as I know finding the right one can be frustrating and not always easy. Great topic and a lot of great answers, I particularly like Diana’s reply on # 10 and Lorihaah # 25. I also agree with Evan about that this type of initial passion, which I would call infatuation, does not last in a relationship and often blinds us from reality.
And I have met and know plenty of good looking, handsome, and attractive men who can see past the initial beauty of attractiveness of a women whom are in the market to take the time to find the right one for them, so I don’t think this is the problem here either. But this is not to minimize Kara’s experience, as I know finding the right one can be frustrating and not always easy.

]]> By: lorihaah4 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/guys-fall-in-love-with-me-waaay-too-quickly-what-can-i-do-to-slow-things-down/comment-page-1/#comment-42603 lorihaah4 Mon, 07 Sep 2009 18:11:42 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1711#comment-42603 hunter @29 - you have a valid point - ive seen it happen over and over again w friends and try to remind them, tell them 'girls dont call boys etc... and yet they will start to reverse pursuit..wtf?? I can attest tho - there are a few women left out there that remain EXACTLY the same - problem then becomes that the man then falls hard, stays committed and in love, and the woman gets bored. Ha ha. hunter @29 – you have a valid point – ive seen it happen over and over again w friends and try to remind them, tell them ‘girls dont call boys etc… and yet they will start to reverse pursuit..wtf?? I can attest tho – there are a few women left out there that remain EXACTLY the same – problem then becomes that the man then falls hard, stays committed and in love, and the woman gets bored. Ha ha.

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