Comments on: Guys Who Call Too Much Or Guys Who Don’t Call Enough?

By: Lorena

Lorena — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 06:17:51 +0000

My dilema is much like the beginning part of the article, met this guy and it seems that almost immedately he was smitten with me. He flattered me with comments and pretty much laid down how things would be if we were together. Which for me was refreshing because it was always me “laying down the cards” well not to the extent he did(for me it was pretty much saying lets take it slow, be respectfull and don’t even think about getting too handsy). We do have things in common and loved that he sang a song for me. The problem is that he calls every single day and i am not much of a “every day call me” person, I would like to see where it goes but don’t know how to handle the daily calls thing. Also we haven’t even me yet and already he is talking about meeting his parents.

By: Just me

Just me — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 19:48:04 +0000

I totally get the point this article is making. Evan is not talking about over-the-top stalker types, here, just the person who is open and expressive enough to say hey, I really like you and I’m genuinely interested in you and I’m not afraid to show it.

It works in reverse too. Guys chase girls whose interest in them is totally lukewarm and then ignore the girl who is open and direct enough to say hey, you have my attention if you want it.

What’s up with that I wonder? It seems like a common scenario in my observation. I wonder if it’s nature’s way of making sure the guy is attracted enough that he’s gonna work hard to provide for the family and that the girl is not so interested that the guy won’t be driven to work hard? It’s gotta be doing something for the courtship, or it wouldn’t be so common? Who knows …

Anyhoo, I think the point of this article is valid for both genders. Chasing the girl with lukewarm interest, particularly if it’s an online match with someone long distance, really leads a guy open to being led on by a woman who will take the fun times while looking for her real Mr. Right and same goes for the ladies.

To pursue a long-distance match, I think you really gotta establish there is solid interest in both parties in the match’s potential, and be a little more open than you normally would be in a dating situation. I think interest should just be taken as a data point that is positive. At that point you don’t really know enough to reject a match just based on that one thing, unless it really is way way over the top.

By: Roger

Roger — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 23:15:25 +0000

As a guy who has to navigate the flip-side of this conversation. I think the situation is simpler than it appears. Given a reasonably good level of social skills on the part of the guy, he will contact the woman if he wants to get together again.
If I have failed to call back because I was super busy, or was afraid of being rejected*. A followup call by the woman is appropriate. I don’t instantly assume she is too “forward,” rather appreciate the interest.
If a guy’s communication style, such as calling too much or too little, does not suit you, let him know. If he isn’t willing to make some changes, then things aren’t going to work. Cut your losses.
I’ve found the best way to guarantee continuity in communications is to make a date for the next encounter. Assuming things are going well and I want to continue, before the end I’ll say. “I really enjoyed our [call,email,date…}I’d like to do it again! Then set up another opportunity. Ok for the woman to initiate this question.
True, the above question can force an end to getting to know eachother, but in my experience, if a person who is right there isn’t enjoying themselves enough to continue, a graceful exit saves everyone wasting their time.
Roger

By: Carmen Smith

Carmen Smith — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:43:40 +0000

I just met this guy, and already he’s calling me several times in one hour – I didn’t answer because the number was unfamiliar. Now I know it’s he, because he sent an email letting me know he’d been calling. I do hope he’s not going to be a problem, because I am not the type of female who yaps away on a phone all day, and I do like my space – that is why I’m still single at 39!

By: JuJu

JuJu — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 22:54:50 +0000

That’s not something you can do online, though.

Would you like it if a man asked you for such references??

By: vlh

vlh — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 20:20:58 +0000

Actually yes. Most of my friends who are in happy relationships met someone through mutual friends who vouched for them for each other. That’s kind of like having references…

By: JuJu

JuJu — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 20:00:07 +0000

Are you serious, vlh? About the character references?

By: vlh

vlh — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 19:40:09 +0000

Well, he seemed really “John Boy” when I met him. Not really a greasy “bad boy” type you’d meet in a bar necessarily. I mean, this is Kentucky, not L.A.! I don’t have a “sweet decent man I’ve known for months”, but my social circle is rather small, so I’m meeting men online with whom I share no acquaintances, so it’s hard to check up on these guys. Maybe I should rewrite my profile to say “please provide 2 verifiable character references”? Is that asking too much?

By: namelessintaipei

namelessintaipei — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:21:10 +0000

It's about finding the right guy --- the inconsistent bad boy you're really into but breaks your heart, or that sweet decent man you've known for months and is just plain nice. The excitement or the consistency. Which is it? I chose consistency. Sure, he SMSs me in the morning to greet me a happy day, calls me after he gets off work and before he goes to bed, but then again, that's just a way for him to communicate how much he misses me and that he cares for me. Some may see he's clingy. I'd rather think that he's into me. And of course, with a guy as sweet as that, we also do our best to reciprocate. Hence, happy and content. But was it an easy decision? Not really. He's not that suave ex that swept me off my feet by asking me out and telling me he liked me as soon as he got me out, tearing down my defenses like there's no tomorrow. He's not another flashy date who tries to impress you and everybody in the room. Instead, he's just someone you'll find to be Mr. Reliable. Not the most exciting, but heck, someone I'm very very happy to be with. namelessintaipei´s last blog post...Pampered Princess

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 16:20:03 +0000

vlh,
You are trying to look for an explanation or reason for your dates behavior: his parents are divorced, he has abandonment issues, etc. etc. Not only are the conclusions you are reaching very likely innacurate, they also don’t matter. He doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you.

You think something is definite and he thinks its tentative. He says he’ll call you back and he doesn’t- again i bet he thought it was ‘tentative’. Doesn’t make either of you wrong, but you seem to be on different pages.

Don’t wait for him to ‘make it up’ to you because i doubt he thinks he’s done anything wrong. If you can’t go out with him without being mean (like u mentioned you were on the second date) you shouldn’t go out with him anymore.

Date him if you’d like, but try not to look for all of these reasons and explanations for his behavior patterns that you don’t like. It’s gotta be exhausting and i’d venture to say it’s not doing you much good. Unfortunately i don’t see this going very far- if we are already being mean on the second date and having a lot of misunderstandings, things aren’t looking good!