Comments on: Have You Ever Spied on Someone to See if They’re Still Using the Site When You Think You’re Starting to Get Serious? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/ Thu, 23 May 2013 17:38:29 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: NVMichelle http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-2/#comment-514696 NVMichelle Sat, 24 Nov 2012 18:50:14 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-514696 I met my ex through POF. We quickly began dating 2-3 times a week, emailing daily and sleeping together. I removed my profile almost immediately but he was online multiple times daily on POF and Match. It messed with my head. Here we are with all this togetherness and he’s still looking. After 2 months and seeing some odd comments on his Facebook from some skanky girl, I asked to be exclusive and we agreed. Two weeks later I was at his place and his computer was wide open to a dating site. I asked about it and first he denied then said he just clicked on an email.  He wanted me to give him a chance to show he was a good bf. I agreed and he often referred to that night as a turning point in our relationship…he realized he had a good girl and he needed to change his ways. Things were great and we got engaged two months later. Fast but we felt it was right. The day after the engagement I was on his computer to post pics. I see his Skype app open. I click and see he had been dirty talking with girls after that night that supposedly changed his life and a few weeks before our engagement.  I also saw he sent money to that skank I saw on his FB. I was devastated!! He tried to say he was just goofing around but some of the stuff he said to them he was saying to me!! I tried to but it behind us but I just couldn’t shake it. We we were dating exclusively and I considered it cheating. My trust was broken. He kept saying I was focusing on the past. Just because it was before we got engaged did it not count? I snooped on him and saw he was on a sex dating site. He swore it wasnt him that put it up. It was from a sister site he was once on. But I saw in his email he was clicking on emails from this site. If it was spam why is it open in your inbox?? Things were tense and I couldn’t trust. Just two weeks ago I checked his computer And found he was searching match and emailing girls on another site like FB saying they were good enough to eat. We are broken up and I’m sad, hurt and disappointed. He’s already back on Match. I’m still hurt. I feel duped. If I hadn’t “spied” I wouldn’t have known how untrustworthy he is. Sure if you look, you will find but do I want to live with my head in the clouds thinking all is great? His behavior in the beginning was a good predictor of his current behavior. Beware of the red flags!!

]]> By: JB http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-2/#comment-463687 JB Wed, 31 Oct 2012 17:12:04 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-463687 I believe you JC but if she’s not “available” to date she should have her profile “deleted” or at least”hidden” NOT “searchable” then only the people that have her on their favorites list can see if she has in fact MAYBE logged in within the last 3 weeks and that’s only when it’s hidden not deleted. If it’s deleted no one can see it because she can’t log in. The bigger question might be ……… If you’ve been dating over a year why aren’t BOTH of your profiles deleted(not hidden) then you wouldn’t have any problem.

Rebecca’s post #33 and mine under it are from over 2 yrs ago btw(2009) and Match changes things all the time without notice. The customer service reps aren’t 100% reliable either…lol believe me they’re not rocket scientists over there. Match bought Yahoo Personals 2 yrs ago so I was forced to go even though I hate the way they do a lot of things. All the quality people are on Match and they know it so they do what they want. It’s not a Monopoly because there’s 10,000 other sites that suck but it’s damn close. I wouldn’t PAY for any other site that’s for sure.

]]> By: JC http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-2/#comment-462735 JC Wed, 31 Oct 2012 05:46:09 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-462735 I need to share this with you all as I have questions too.  I tend to side with Rebecca #33.  I have been seeing this girl for over a year now.  We are both still on match but she is no longer paying for it. (I know this for a fact) I had been checking, spying, stalking… whatever you want to call it.   So…  One morning “we” get up and we’re talking about match…  She tells me that she is not checking it anymore, but she does get the emails…  I came clean and told her that I see her online all the time..  Asked her why… etc…. She said she was NOT checking it…..   So, I showed her exactly what I do.. I logged on…. Showed her my saved search.  And guess what…. it said “ONLINE NOW”…  She was with me all night, it was first thing in the morning and she had not even picked up her phone yet so there was no way that she was online or had even checked a match email.   This is really frustrating…  But the truth is that, at least on match.com, you cannot judge a person by their activity.  I don;t understand why they would do this… but they do….

]]> By: GAR http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-2/#comment-460282 GAR Mon, 29 Oct 2012 17:15:31 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-460282 “By the way you shouldn’t be getting “daily emails” at all if you know how to hide your profile and change your settings so I’m not sure what you’re talking about?”

How do I correct this? 

]]> By: JB http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-1/#comment-454882 JB Fri, 26 Oct 2012 19:01:12 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-454882 @GAR #49 – Well what I’ve found is it isn’t an exact science on Match meaning they change things frequently and believe me I know because I study this daily. Their system over there sucks. It’s inconsistent, aggravating, a massive invasion of privacy. I’m sure it causes many fights and breakups which is great for them because people stay on the site and renew to find someone new.

Right now if you get a wink on Match and you open it through your email address (whether it’s on a computer or iPhone)which the wink is forwarded to even without logging into the website you ARE seen as “online now” on the Match site itself obviously meaning “active within 24 hrs”. So if I don’t want to be seen as “online” I delete it WITHOUT opening it.

As of today 10/26/12 (but not always) if I open and read an actual email someone wrote to me at Match that was forwarded to my email account it DOESN’T show that I’m “online” or “active within 24 hrs. but it has in the past. More so on my computer than my iPhone.

If people are using smartphone apps it’s even more inconsistent meaning I’ve seen an iPhone app show my profile as “active within 24 hrs” when I haven’t logged in in 3 or 4 days.

I use fake profiles to double check all of this so at least I know how my profile is being seen activity wise and of course I can be online whenever I want without having any women know that I am. I watch the woman I’m dating right now when she’s online every day and my profile hasn’t logged in in a week……LOL She’ll never know either.

By the way you shouldn’t be getting “daily emails” at all if you know how to hide your profile and change your settings so I’m not sure what you’re talking about?

]]> By: GAR http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-1/#comment-454627 GAR Fri, 26 Oct 2012 16:20:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-454627 What exactly does Active within 24 hours mean on match.com? I have been in a 7+ month relationship with someone I met on match.com, I get daily emails from match.com even after deactivating my profile 6+ months ago. I delete them all. Out of curiosity I opened one this week, I did not log in, I then searched for myself, again not logged in, and it tells me I have been Active within 24 hours. I never logged in though!

]]> By: Valerie http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-1/#comment-422460 Valerie Mon, 08 Oct 2012 23:54:24 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-422460 Just thought I’d throw this out there: I’ve not logged on Match.com in the 6 months since I’ve been seeing someone. I told a friend my online profile name so she could read what I wrote (by doing a user name search & not logging in) since she was having trouble writing her own profile. Match.com said that I was “Active Within 24 Hours” which is complete nonsense. So, I can honestly say don’t trust the site when it says something like that or if it says that someone’s available for IM. 

]]> By: Wendy http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-1/#comment-409394 Wendy Mon, 24 Sep 2012 15:24:25 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-409394 The last time I tried the online dating thing I found myself in an exclusive relationship (HE was the one who wanted it) with a man who was ALWAYS “online now.” When I asked him about it he kept giving me lines that smelled like BS. I even told him he was free to date others if he wanted, assuming that I would be free to date other men. He insisted that wasn’t what he wanted, yet there he was, day after day, “online now.” I finally created a fake profile and he took the bait. I actually showed up for the date and nearly gave him a heart attack–so worth it! Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. While Joe (and others) may feel that this type of behavior can erode a good relationship, in my case it saved me a lot of trouble. This guy was hinting at marriage and trying to talk me out of a major career move and a house purchase. I’d have been FURIOUS if I’d blindly skipped along in life believing his crap only to get dumped (which he admitted he was planning to do once he had another girl lined up) and miss out on two of the most important events in my life. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

]]> By: Leanne Dombrowesky http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-1/#comment-408578 Leanne Dombrowesky Mon, 24 Sep 2012 03:12:38 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-408578 I met a man, we both had online dating profiles. I removed mine completely when I realized I was very happy being with him exclusively, regardless if he felt the same way. I figured if he was to check, not seeing my profile would be a great way to show him my integrity and feelings toward him without it being a huge discussion issue, It is what it is…if you are happy with who you are seeing, be happy. If you cant resist playing the field, then your not being honest, with yourself, or, with your current relationship. It all boils down to honesty. Do I check to see if he is there? No. Do I wonder ? Occassionally. If I am not good enough or it doesnt work out for us, he is certainly entitled to keep looking online. I would not want to be with someone who may think theres “better” than me out there. If they are not happy with me , then they are welcome to continue on looking for  whatever makes them happy.

]]> By: Denise http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/have-you-ever-spied-on-someone-to-see-if-they%e2%80%99re-still-using-the-site-when-you-think-you%e2%80%99re-starting-to-get-serious/comment-page-1/#comment-404271 Denise Tue, 18 Sep 2012 14:52:29 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=506#comment-404271 Hi,
I had a first date with this man I really liked, after a two-weeks exchange of emails and texts. I supported him in his current tumultuous life – a trial, recent divorce, kids, a recent post-divorce fling. I finally met him and he was half charming as I had thought from his earlier communications – but I was still in my head, living the fantasy I had created about him. He talked about his wife, how he still loved her, “although not in love with her anymore”, about his other female fling, about his trial. I felt more like a friend, although I wanted something romantic. I started to get intimidated and frustrated, but kept it sweet till the end of the date. I was still somewhat attracted to him. He said he would call, then after the date immediately texted me. I was still in shock that my fantasy did not match the reality and texted back, a bit aloof. Then I regretted, and two days later, when he did not call, I sent him a flirtatious text, saying that, indeed, I had enjoyed the date and would like to see him again. No reply. In the meantime, the fantasy in my head diminished and reality checked in. He had disappeared, whoever he was… But in the meantime, I kept checking his profile to see if he was online, and he was. Today I can no longer do that, he has disappeared from my contacts and I am afraid he has blocked me so that I don’t see his activity online. It’s sad, but I am in a good place now: I can accept that this is over, if it ever was anything other a little bruise on my ego…

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