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I’ve had three similar experiences right in a row and quite frankly I’m baffled. All three involve smart professional men. I was asked out by three men after the usual process of emails and phone conversations (it’s not easy to get to that point!) only to have the date canceled (they were all made about a week in advance) because each said they had met someone over the weekend! I find this incredulous. As any smart dater knows (as does anyone who is job hunting) that just because you have a good first date/job interview doesn’t mean you should cancel all your other scheduled dates/interviews. What gives? I’m feeling a bit crestfallen.
The truth is that events happen independently, and, after the fact, we try to find meaning in it all.
In 2002, Lisa Belkin wrote an incredible piece for The New York Times Magazine about coincidence. Coincidence, is, literally “the occurrence of events that happen at the same time by accident, but seem to have some connection”.
Go and read the 11 page article later, but keep that definition in your head for a moment.
Is it possible that all three smart, professional men actually met other women over the weekend? I don’t know.
Is it possible that you roll a die and it comes up 6 three straight times?
Is it possible to run into your high school best friend on a mountaintop cabin in Switzerland where there are only 8 other people?
Is it possible to have two brothers killed by the same taxi driver in accidents one year apart?
The Switzerland thing happened to me, so I know it’s possible. The truth is that events happen independently, and, after the fact, we try to find meaning in it all. We look for “signs” and things that are “meant to be”, when, in fact, it is often no more than coincidence – separate events that we link in our mind to try and explain what happened.
When we do things like that, we filter the information through our own personal worldview. In this instance, your worldview tells you that “As any smart dater knows (as does anyone who is job hunting) that just because you have a good first date/job interview doesn’t mean you should cancel all your other scheduled dates/interviews.”
No, but if you’ve been hired by a company, it doesn’t make sense to continue to make your rounds. I hate to break it to you, HK, but it’s entirely possible that yes, each man fell for another woman before he got a chance to meet you. It’s far more logical than the alternative, which involves coming up with a theory about how successful men, if they’re tepid about going on a first date, are more apt to lie to unsuspecting women. Or something like that.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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