Comments on: He Said He Met Another Woman Before Our Big Date and I Don’t Believe Him.

By: Michael17

Michael17 — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 20:37:27 +0000

I know this is an old thread, but I had a recent experience that is relevant to this:

I emailed 3 girls a week or so ago on Match. Each one of them, when I emailed them, was “active within 24 hours”. NONE of them have been on Match since–all 3 of my emails have gone unread, and none of the 3 girls checked out my profile.

What happened? What did I do? Was there anything in my email that could have possibly kept them away from Match since? No! Obviously. For each of them, something happened in their own lives that is keeping them away from the site. It has nothing to do with the emails I sent.

My point is that sometimes we just have bad luck.

By: Goldie

Goldie — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 13:57:37 +0000

To Val #38, if the “reappearing” guy sounded interesting, I would absolutely say yes to another first-date offer. So, he tried someone else and it didn’t work out – that’s how online dating works (I’m told it’s a nimbers game). Nice of him to come back to check with me! My take on this is, unless and until we’ve met in person (and, since first dates are usually such a cluster of mutual embarrassment and misunderstanding, maybe even unless and until we’ve had at least two dates), he cannot really say if he’s “into me” or not, and vice versa. To each other, we’re just letters on the screen or voices in each other’s phone. At this point, whichever we decide regarding each other, “it’s business, nothing personal”. It’s after we’ve met several times and gotten to know each other better, and one or both of us got emotionally attached, that things get difficult. At the emails/phone calls stage, it’s still pretty impersonal to me. At this point they’re more like friends or online buddies (like someone I’d meet on an online forum) than romantic connections. As such, they have my permission to come and go as they please.

I have to add, I’m confident enough not to feel insulted when a guy I’ve never met schedules with me, then cancels, then schedules again. So far, for some odd reason, my options IRL, on average, have been better than my average options on match, so, if some unknown guy from match cancels on me, no big deal. I probably wouldn’t have liked him anyway. Next Talking to several people online at the same time would probably help soften the blow too – guy A canceled – hey, now I’ve got more time for guys B, C, and D. Cool! Thanks, guy A

By: Venus

Venus — Sat, 14 May 2011 16:39:21 +0000

But if a guy is really interested, isn’t he still likely to follow through on the date even if he has just met someone. After all its just a date, right? And its still too soon to tell whether the person that he just met is indeed the one.

The general rule is that guys are slower to commit, so why did all three suddenly decide that they were gonna be exclusive with someone they just met? Is this by chance an “easy let down” used by guys to get out of following through?

When all is said on done these guys must be given some credit because they could have done the jerk thing and simply not shown up for the date. This way they cancelled an arrangement that they are not keen on and at the same time eliminated any obligation to reschedule.

The OP may have just been spared a lot of grief.

By: Claudia

Claudia — Fri, 13 May 2011 19:49:38 +0000

I think she’s lucky the guys cancelled and were up front about it. Better that than if they went on the date and the guy is thinking about the other woman that he met and liked before you. That’s happened to me a couple of times. The guy seemed distracted and distant and said that he had met someone else before me. The date was a waste of time. That’s way worse than the date being cancelled beforehand. And any guy who is interested in someone else is not for me.

I believe I’ve done the same thing myself anyway. If I’ve met someone I like I don’t want to be distracted by someone else. After spending time before dating multiple people at once I’ve decided to do it one guy at a time. It doesn’t take that long if it’s not going to work out and I don’t have to remember a bunch of life stories all at once. If it does work out then I don’t have to hurt or disappoint all the others. I also ask any new guy if he’s dating multiple people or if he, like me, dates one girl at a time.

By: JB

JB — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 13:44:33 +0000

To Val, that happened to me last year. I was emailing a woman whom I had planned on meeting, and in the meantime a woman I had met at a singles event a year earlier and I re-met. We had a couple of dates and it looked like it might go further, so I told the woman online the truth and she understood. It ended up not working out with the first woman after a few weeks, and since the second was still on Yahoo “looking,” I emailed her and she was receptive. I told her it didn’t work out but that’s WHY people date to see if you’re compatible. We ended up not being a match and she’s still on Yahoo with the same pic and awful profile. And yes, just like the men you describe, there are woman on every site that have been using the same profile and pics for 8 years and think that John F Kennedy Jr. is going to come back from the dead and be their “Prince Charming”,”The One”,”Their Soulmate”,”Their Best Friend” ….yadda yadda yadda. They’ll be alone forever.
You can’t change the world…lol.

By: Val

Val — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 01:19:14 +0000

I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them contacts her in 2 weeks to see if she’s available. What’s your advice for that? Based on the logic that men will “try” dating one woman at a time due to expense, should she allow herself to be the next experiment? Would she also be making a big deal out of nothing by feeling insulted? My take – if you weren’t that into me to keep the date, why are you so interested now?
I’ve had men disappear for weeks due to being “busy” and then reappear to see I’m still available. The answer is always “NO”- especially if they never stopped being active on the site. Some guys are on the same dating sites for years-with the same profile and pic. They have no intention of getting serious with anyone- they like the game and the menu.

By: Selena

Selena — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 22:06:44 +0000

For several years I’ve participated on a web site where people in troubled relationships go for advice. Something that has become increasingly common, dishearteningly so, is the number of women who have caught their partners setting up profiles on dating sites with the purpose of meeting other women to cheat with. When caught, they invariably say they were just curious, they just wanted to look, they wouldn’t have gone through with it, blah, blah, blah.

How do you know if someone you are corresponding/ talking on phone with is really single? You’ve never been to their home. You’ve never met their friends. Or children. Admittedly this is a jaded view of HK’s experience, but I wouldn’t discount the possibility that out of 3 men breaking it off before the first meet…at least one of them might have done so because he was in a committed relationship and either got caught, or chickened out.

That being said, I think the Occam’s Razor explanation might be more that these men HAD been dating other women, decided to either narrow it down to one, or not add any more and used the “met someone over the week-end” excuse simply thinking it sounded better than giving HK the impression they had been stringing her along.

Or maybe any of these guys decided dating more than one woman at a time was too expensive and unfortunately HK had the coincidence to be their cut-off point when they decided this.

By: JB

JB — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 18:55:56 +0000

It’s really simple for BH if it matters that much. Put up a hot woman profile and wink at the 3 guys that flaked on you and watch who takes the bait. Then you can see for yourself who’s lying to spare your feelings or who might of “really met someone”. It works every time.

By: Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach

Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 18:25:42 +0000

One of my favorite articles. Very nicely said Evan and great advice.
.-= Mikko Kemppe – Relationship Coach’s last blog ….Mikko, How Do I Know Where I Stand With This Girl? =-.

By: Relationship Advice From Penny

Relationship Advice From Penny — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:26:54 +0000

Daniela (post 31), It is so true what you said:
“It is easy to meet new people all the time, especially since there are so many options available. And the internet and social media make it very easy to meet lots of people.” Very well said. I especially agree with:

“One thing is certain. We are not meant to be with everyone we meet.”

I was inspired by your comment and by BH’s story that I shared something that I hope will help her see light in all this. I wrote an article on my blog about: Being “turned down” is not so bad after all.
.-= Relationship Advice From Penny’s last blog ….Being turned down is not so bad after all =-.