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I have been reading your blog for over a year now and I have also bought your book Why He Disappeared. I enjoy a lot of the advice and generally agree with most of it.
You generally maintain the reason why people are single is they over-assess themselves and rate themselves higher than what they originally are. Like a 6 thinking she is an 8. So my question today is basically this: how do you correctly analyze yourself? I always feel like asking people I am around (good friends, coworkers etc.) but I am scared it might ruin things/make things uncomfortable and basically they might tell me what I want to hear.
So is there an objective way to quantify yourself so that you are clear in where you stand? –Sharon
Thanks for the self-aware question about not being entirely self-aware.
I’ve always used a metaphor to describe people and their attractiveness ratings.
Think of it like a clothing store.
You’re introducing a new brand of milk. It’s no different than anyone else’s 2% milk, but it’s your unique packaging. You’re targeting wealthy people who want the best of the best in everything. To that end, you price your milk at $10/gallon.
Nobody buys it.
Does anyone that you want to date want to date you back?
There’s nothing wrong with the milk. It’s just not finding its target market.
You lower the price to $9. $8. $7. $6. $5…
Your mind is blown because you thought that your milk was different and special and it turns out that no matter how strongly you felt about your unique brand, other people – your buyers – only valued it at a lesser rate.
It’s basic supply and demand and it’s about the only way to see what your value is.
Sure, you can put your face up on HotOrNot or buy one of those Ugly iPhone apps to gauge your “scientific” attractiveness rating. But that’s not particularly telling.
More telling is this: does anyone that you want to date want to date you back?
If not, you’re overestimating yourself, no matter what “number” you think you are.
Listen, we overestimate ourselves because it’s necessary. No one would want to wake up in the morning, thinking that she’s ugly, stupid, mean, and has bad taste in clothing, music, and décor. But if you look around, there are a lot of stupid, ugly, mean people with bad taste, aren’t there?
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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