So all I can offer is that I am 45, make about 50% more than she does, am in very good shape for my age (and better than the average american 25 y.o., but that is a low bar) and nice teeth. I am certainly getting thin on top, but I am not by any stretch bald. A little gray around the temples. I don’t believe in coloring my own hair, and find gray on women somewhat sexy. And the confidence that goes with not coloring it is very sexy!. I don’t believe I am handsome, but I am not ugly either. Probably a five or six in the looks department, maybe a 7-8 if you count my physique and you are like long, lean and reasonably cut and can tolerate skinny lower legs (and maybe a 3 or 4 if you like beefy guys or skinny legs are a turn off!)

If I was still dating and had a profile posted and she wrote me, I would respond out of courtesy whether her message/profile/attitude put me off or not. Even in the former case I would give her a “no thank you” and maybe even explain how she might want to change her approach. I am conscious of deal breakers other people write into their profiles and never respond if I fit one of them.

OK m, I responded to Amy’s post as best I could given there was not exactly anything to respond to.

Amy is also weeding out potentials — “Funny, if I don’t meet even one category in a man’s profile, I have enough sense and respect not to respond.”  I might say I have a preference for green eyes and Amy doesn’t respond because she has blue eyes?  Does the fact that a woman has different color eyes than my preference mean that we are not compatible and there would be no chemistry?  

If Amy were to post some of her emails and her profile name I’m sure that there would be plenty of comments as to what is causing her problems.  Unfortunately we can only speculate. 

It never ceases to fascinate me the circumstances in which men, after a plethora of pontification, suddenly go silent.

All I expect is the male version of me to be interested. I’ll overlook a lack of a degree if the guy at least knows the difference between your and you’re, makes at least half of what I make, works hard and has health insurance. Although I pretty much starve myself and run even though I hate it, I’ll overlook 20 extra lbs. And even though I cover my gray every 3 weeks, I have no problem with a bald guy, as long as he doesn’t have a horseshoe, comb over or a pelt. Would a little fashion sense be too much to ask? One thing I won’t budge on is smoking. I’m a nurse. Plus it’s gross. And decent teeth, please? And guys who put racial preferences on their profiles? No, thanks. Ditto for ones who look for qualities/standards that they can’t live up to. I set all of my preferences at either my level or below, never above. Therefore, I think I’m realistic.

So to say the men who are receptive are at your level sometimes isn’t true. I think I deserve better than obese men in their upper 50′s who have marginal jobs, illiterate profiles, and an ugly face. Yet these are the men who email me the most, even though it says in my profile they meet none of my categories. Funny, if I don’t meet even one category in a man’s profile, I have enough sense and respect not to respond.

I’ve emailed men who were a step below me in looks and in all categories and they still aren’t interested because they don’t respond.

I honestly would rather be alone than be with someone whose appearance, personality amd accomplishments make me nauseated.

“Paragon @ 141 –

Black women deviate quite remarkably from all other human female clinal variants on earth

o.O

I have no idea what ‘clinal’ is.”

I substituted for ‘racial’(as ‘clinal’ is more biologically accurate).

Black women deviate quite remarkably from all other human female clinal variants on earth

o.O

I have no idea what ‘clinal’ is.

BTW my children are 16 and 19, in HS and college. I remember you mentioning school and after-school activities, so assumed that yours are in middle school or so.

The rest of my post doesn’t apply to your family, which, as you correctly stated, I don’t know much about. It does however apply to your statement that I quoted, in case people decide to follow it, in which case I’d ask them to reconsider. In addition to everything I said above, here’s why. Reason number one. Unless you live on a farm, build your own house, grow your own food, keep cattle etc., household work is not rocket science. It is not hard. It gets even easier when kids grow up and start helping out with it. Therefore, it is not worth dedicating your whole marriage to, unless you like it that way, in which case, go for it. If you like doing something else together as a couple, then organize your housework so you can get it out of the way as fast as possible, and go do those things. If there’s nothing you like doing together as a couple, go get couples therapy ASAP.

Reason number two. Right now in my family, there are two people that I have intellectually challenging conversations with (parts of which fly over my head) on a daily basis. These two people are my children. To a married couple with young, or preteen, kids, it may seem like a good idea to stop taking care of themselves intellectually in favor of the kids’ activities and upkeep. Don’t. Carve out some time for things you liked doing for your own personal growth before the kids came along. The payback will be immense when these kids are teen-aged, or college-aged, and still come to you for advice and conversation. (Believe me, you will NEED to give that advice, and make sure it doesn’t fall on deaf ears! You will also probably want to know what your kids think, and what they’re up to.)

@ Nicole #177, thanks, this is exactly the message I’m trying to get across. I’ve had a family since ’91, as did most of my friends, so by now I can tell what does and doesn’t work at various stages of a marriage. Right now, most of my friends’ kids have left, or are leaving, home, so I am able to observe them at that stage as well.

As far as language difference, yeah this is tough. I have an accent and it didn’t go over well with quite a few guys. Either they couldn’t see an LTR with me, or they saw me as an exotic experience they wanted to have so they could tell their grandkids they’d dated a foreign chick. Being from a different culture is a liability as much as it is an asset, but that’s all right, I make up for it in other ways

@ #178 – the thread probably went OT because looks alone can only get you so far on the dating market it’s like an impressive resume on a job market — it will get you an initial interview, but you won’t get a job or keep it, let alone have a career, if you have nothing to show except that one resume.

I agree with what you are saying and I honestly think you should let go of the conversation. In fact, your argumentation is nuanced and I clearly understand it. Yet, for some reason, Karl and Goldie seem not to get those nuances (I wonder what their mother tongue is….ahahahah)