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Your advice is great and seems to pertain to guys you’re already dating. I’m in a different situation. I’m interested in dating a male friend.
We met in college but were never really close and reconnected a year ago purely as friends. We started hanging out a lot the past year. He used to live two hours away so he would drive from far away to see me. I thought nothing of it. Then he moved to my city and we were close to each other now. One night we went out and he made a move on me. I froze. This was three months ago. We kept hanging out then, pretending nothing had happened, me sending mixed signals, both of us casually dating other people.
But I recently broke off casual dating because I realized I had strong feelings for him but now I wonder if it is too late? I still spend a lot of time with him and I don’t want to emasculate him by not letting him make the first move. We recently got back to a great momentum where it isn’t weird after all the mixed signals and I feel like I am ready to tell him I wasn’t rejecting him when he initially made a move on me but was just scared and surprised.
So should I make a move or will that emasculate him? And if we do date, do the same rules apply? Should I wait to sleep with him? Because I feel like we already have been on 100 dates (platonically), I don’t feel weird about sleeping with him sooner than I would wait for a guy I really like.
If you want to know what a man’s thinking, ASK HIM. Don’t ask your friends, don’t ask your dating coach, ask your boyfriend.
I was hoping someone would ask this question.
Because it gives me a chance to bring something up that I see all the time as a dating coach, especially in the private member forum for FOCUS Coaching. In that group, hundreds of women share their dating stories and support each other. And most of their questions sound just like what you wrote to me.
“I don’t know what this guy is thinking. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. What do you guys think I should say?”
This happens so often that I created an acronym to substitute for my full answer, so that I don’t have to write the same thing repeatedly.
It stands for “overthinking”. Almost any time I get a “what is he thinking?” query, I’ll bust out my OT as a reminder of two of these two core dating principles:
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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