1) Men do what they want. So if a guy is your boyfriend, he says he loves you, he calls you nearly every day, and then one time, he texts you, “Not now. I don’t feel like talking,” it doesn’t mean that he suddenly fell out of love with you, met someone else, and is planning on dumping you the next time you speak. It just means, “Not now. I don’t feel like talking.”
2) If you want to know what a man’s thinking, ASK HIM. Don’t ask your friends, don’t ask your dating coach; ask your boyfriend.
The reason that women choose not to ask their boyfriends what they’re thinking, even though their boyfriends are actually the only people who KNOW what they’re thinking?
The act of asking the question isn’t going to change the outcome – all it’s going to do is reveal what he’s thinking.
Well, there are two answers to that as well – the one you tell yourself and the one that’s really true.
The one you tell yourself is this: “I don’t want to upset him/emasculate him/bother him.” There’s some basis in truth for this, especially if you are perpetually acting weak, needy and fearful with a man who is doing his best to please you. The more you criticize and second-guess the intentions of a GOOD boyfriend, the more likely he is to get frustrated that you’re so insecure.
But the real reason you don’t ask him what he thinks is this: you don’t want to hear the real answer. You’re afraid of the truth. That he might be sick of your fears and insecurities. That he might need space. That he might be tired of the incessant conversations about where this is going, because he doesn’t know where this is going.
As always, I’ve hijacked the original question to make a point, and I apologize. But it’s important to know that your question is NOT going to change his mind on anything. His mind is already made up. If he’s happy with you, he’s happy with you. If he’s annoyed with you, he’s annoyed with you. And if he’s attracted to you, Jeannie, he’s attracted to you. The act of asking the question isn’t going to change the outcome – all it’s going to do is reveal what he’s thinking.
The only thing up in the air is whether you really want to know.
So instead of asking a dating coach on a blog who doesn’t know you or your friend what he’s thinking, how about you tell him EXACTLY what you told me? You were afraid when he made his move, now you’re falling for him, and you’d like to give things a shot.
If he’s not interested, he’ll let you know.
If he’s interested, he’ll let you know.
And either way, you’ll be able to move forward appropriately without all of this worrying and overthinking.
(By the way, he’s interested. I’m very happy for you!)
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
Do You Want to Attract the Partner of Your Dreams?
If so, sign up for my free dating and relationship newsletter and receive my free eBook, The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Making In Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly. Simple and effective advice to jumpstart your love life.