Comments on: How Do I Get The Nice Guy I Ditched To Give Me Another Chance? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/ Sat, 18 May 2013 21:24:08 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Y http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-878506 Y Tue, 14 May 2013 15:14:47 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-878506 You don’t love him, never will do either. He figured it out and left, give him a break, don’t ruin his life.
Just count the “i” in your letter, it’s all about you all along…
You don’t want him back for a healthy relationship you just want validation and ego boost again, which you’ve been denied while you were unprepared, thus making you feel hurt. So sad.
 
he is obviously not stupid, and totally not into drama. You had a shot and you blew it, make things better with the next one instead of trying to fill imaginary chick-lit needs.

]]> By: Mickey http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-860052 Mickey Fri, 10 May 2013 20:44:17 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-860052 This is a rather ironic piece considering the mentality that being “nice” is considered a disability when it comes to dating.

]]> By: trw http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-859270 trw Fri, 10 May 2013 15:07:23 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-859270  
Women wants to get off the carousel, fine. Hypergammy may not care, but her solipsistic thinking will pay a price when guys with options ignore her. I don’t have any sympathy for the typical 30 something Alpha widow.  

]]> By: Jared http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-771255 Jared Fri, 12 Apr 2013 06:23:45 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-771255 This whole first article is why I get so frustrated with women.

]]> By: Lt Dan http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-712960 Lt Dan Sun, 24 Feb 2013 22:03:50 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-712960 Being the guy mentioned (not specifically from this story, just the same situation) I can tell you that if he likes you and respects you he won’t make the first move. After essentially being told you weren’t interested he is going to respect that. I stopped texting the woman that did this to me and after a couple of months I get a valentines day text. I can tell you it was quite effective.

Just yesterday she sends me a text expressing boredom being out at a bar with friends. She wasn’t impressed with the bar being a gaybar, or something. it was pretty much like she was telling me that she was out with friends but not to pick up a guy… Like she was waiting for me to offer to come join her. If it wasn’t one of the days that I have my kids, I would have.

I guess what I’m getting at is this: What drove him away was lack of interest and mixed signals. Want to see if he’s still interested? Express interest in him, but be casual. If he blows you off, there is likely no hope.

]]> By: Gabrielle http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-540297 Gabrielle Fri, 07 Dec 2012 04:54:35 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-540297 OP
Thank you for sharing.
I want to say good on you! I am writing in response to Bill’s comment. Who most likely is a nice guy, in spite of his comments, with his strong defense of nice guys out there.

Firstly the OP, states that she is in a cautious place after a really bad break up….not a fun place to be.

Perhaps because of this experience, she is brave enough to try Evan’s advice (which I also adore) and do something counter intuitive to her past.  ***** five stars in my book.

 ”Plus, I’ve chosen fun, charismatic guys in the past and that’s gone nowhere! I wanted to see if I could make things work with someone who didn’t make me feel super tingly but might be a good long term partner. ”
 
Wow, I am impressed that she was willing to try something different. The first time we try something new we may not get the excellence we want. Of course something unfamiliar can be confusing at first, till we get more and more clear :)

OP did one of my favorite things, was accountable and took responsibility.

I feel happy that she tried it, liked it. It sounds like you are growing and getting wiser and got the experience of another type of partner. I think the hardest thing was doing it the first time, I suspect it will get easier and easier and more enjoyable with each experience of nice guys. 

It was inspiring for me to read it, a great first attempt at something new.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you the very best.

]]> By: Mickey http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-471060 Mickey Sun, 04 Nov 2012 00:48:13 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-471060 Is there a bigger kiss of death than “Let’s Be Friends?”

]]> By: Bill http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-402712 Bill Sun, 16 Sep 2012 03:15:30 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-402712 This guy made the right decision. I’m really sorry, but you are not a nice girl. Nice guys want nice girls. Perhaps you should work on yourself instead of working on finding yourself a nice guy.

]]> By: Gorb http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-386250 Gorb Thu, 16 Aug 2012 08:05:13 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-386250 Yeah.

You’re a victim of yoru  own success. What you need is a man who leads, more than this guy; he has no game. He needs to learn Game, learn how to keep you on your toes, a little off-balance.

Like it or not, this is why you want him now. if a man is too available, women won’t want him. Distant and hard to get – now they want him. Men who are too available stink of boring and safe and “he has no other options”.

it’s basic programming, right up there in the hindbrain.

]]> By: Da Virg http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-do-i-get-the-nice-guy-i-ditched-to-give-me-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-250634 Da Virg Mon, 23 Jan 2012 02:53:41 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=5956#comment-250634 The Myth: Just because a guy is nice, treats you like a princess and regularly shows you how much he genuinely likes to be in your presence, doesn’t mean that he is the one for you, especially if he doesn’t make your, um, “heart” go pitter-patter. Holding out for the perfect guy, who has all of the “nice guy” qualities with bad boy packaging, and a little more excitement and intrigue is the smart move. You shouldn’t settle, even for the nice guy. Someone better, who has all of the qualities you are searching for, will come along eventually.
Reality: In your 20s, the Nice Guys are lame. In your 30s, they will be the hot bachelor that every woman is clamoring to get. There is no such thing as a nice guy with bad boy packaging. Chances are, the thing that makes the “bad boy” interesting and exciting to you now, are the very things that will have you crying, crumpled up in your bed, questioning your foul judgment later. The older you get, the more you learn to appreciate the Nice Guy.
He may not be aloof (he actually answers when you call or text), he may not be intriguing (he’s interested in meeting your friends and introducing you to his family), he may not be exciting (he doesn’t leave you to wonder about how he feels about you) but he’s there for you. Maybe he’s a little nerdy (he’ll also retire comfortably at 50). Maybe he isn’t the certified “cool guy” that everyone knows (he comes home to you every night) but he’s there for you.
The Nice Guy is the one that actually likes, cares and loves you—learn to appreciate his qualities now, and avoid years of heartache from dealing with an exciting, “cool” guy who will inevitably turn out to be a dumb ass later.

How to Apply the Thing You Just Learned:
Step #1- Honestly assess whether or not you are even remotely attracted to your Nice Guy. If you have even a smidgen of non-platonic interest in him, keep him. Time has a funny way of enhancing feelings. If you’re not interested at all, don’t string him a long and mess him up for the next girl.

Step #2- Stop looking at all of your Nice Guy’s boring qualities. Focus on all of the things that make him a Nice Guy. Before you know it, the boring qualities will seem inconsequential—or even more likely, become what you love the most about him.

Step #3- Stop watching bad romantic comedies and trying to draw comparisons to your own life. Those movies are totally unrealistic. In fact, they are the devil.

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