Comments on: How Do I Keep My Boyfriend From Bolting After He Meets My Obnoxious Family?

By: Angie

Angie — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 13:49:09 +0000

P.S I do think charity is a generous and good way to do such things when you move just to add!

By: Angie

Angie — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 13:46:45 +0000

This post resonates with me. I have been seeing a wonderful guy for 6 weeks now. Taking it easy and following Evan’s advice in many ways (Thank you!). It’s going really well. I’m 36, he is 41.

I was raised by a single parent (he knows this and admires my mother for raising me well). I don’t have ALOT of family and the few i do, well it’s not overly functional. My mother does random things every so often like say “i might move interstate” (i’m in Sydney). Recently she decided to give almost ALL her furniture to charity “as i was thinking of moving”. I definitely couldn’t introduce my beau at her place now almost empty apartment now she’s staying and doesn’t want to replace her furniture! A cafe will do if we get to the meet and greet stage. I’m really embarrassed though.

He comes from a wealthier family, they have retired on the coast.
I have recently felt worried he’ll bolt because of my family situation (or lack of). The old “like mother like daughter” fear whereas really, i am my own person of course and look forward and hope to building my own life and a family in a completely different way. Do guys really “judge” a girl by her family these days or as we hit our 30′s and 40′s?

By: FeistyWoman

FeistyWoman — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 04:12:12 +0000

I don’t think I could hack letting my man come home to meet my parents had they been like those described above. Instead, I think I’d rather die.
In all seriousness, I’d persuade my parents to try and behave. I just couldn’t live with the embarrassment. Then again, I could just wait until the day we’re married then it wouldn’t really matter.

By: Luxe

Luxe — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 00:05:30 +0000

I highly agree with the no abandonment clause from Zann above.

A little time with the crazy family won’t kill a guy Totally reminds me of Meet the Parents movie, even though they weren’t hill billies

By: Zann

Zann — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 17:07:19 +0000

Disclosure: I chose to live my adult life 3000 miles away from my large, unusual family of origin. That said, I love them and miss them and feel if a guy is really interested in the whole me, he’ll accept them — within reasonable limits — and realize they’re part of who I am, but they don’t define me. For me, my feelings of embarrassment about my family were a reflection of my own insecurities about myself and who I was outside of my family. Families are messy, complicated and a crap shoot. People who don’t have family or have lost family, long for family. Those of us who do have family, often wish they were different — more educated, refined, sober, thoughtful, tactful, rich etc. And then we feel guilty that we wish that. I do think small doses is key, and a reasonable amount of protectiveness doesn’t hurt, either (example: don’t abandon your man with your deaf, anti-social father while you go shopping for 6 hrs with your sister). But he’s a grownup and doesn’t need to be sheltered from them; in fact, you will probably learn a lot about HIM by observing how he interacts with your family. Did I mention small doses?

By: jeana

jeana — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 13:46:49 +0000

I have a similar concern. My BF’s family is downright rude and mean. We have been together almost two years and they only invite him and not me to holiday parties, stating “family only”. BF doesn’t go at all then and I feel both glad and sad at the same time. I don’t understand this behavior at all.

By: moonsical

moonsical — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 21:32:12 +0000

If you’re not putting on you Hee Haw garb, why should he be concerned? Pre-warn in a light-hearted way, and hope your beau is mature.

moon

By: Steve

Steve — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 17:00:45 +0000

LJ;
Many people as adults feel embarrassed by their parents, the way their parents treat them and by the way they act around their parents. Yet to other people, their parents don’t look that bad and if they do, they don’t equate that with the person that they know. If they do, then they aren’t right for the relationship.

By: Selena

Selena — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 16:08:16 +0000

Have you “warned” your bf what you family is like? You could do that in a light-hearted, joking way – explaining that you feel so different from them (like Marilyn Munster) you don’t visit often. Present the visit along the lines of an adventurous look at another culture.