Second, you need to be better at screening. Finding the One Online has an entire CD that describes how to flirt with men in a way that keeps their attention and slows them down to a pace you’re comfortable with. If you find that online dating has overtaken your life and you have no control of your own schedule, you’re doing it wrong. Really. Learn to screen guys better and make email and phone into a fun challenge for them and you can have as many or as few dates a week as you want.
If you find that online dating has overtaken your life and you have no control of your own schedule, you’re doing it wrong. Really.
Finally, if you’re excited about two guys who you’ve gone on two dates with, and you want to tell the other 10 what’s up, your approach is actually the right one. You can probably finesse the wording a little bit:
It’s been really great getting to know you, but I have to tell you the truth: I started to see a guy and things are getting a little more serious. So I’m going to hide my profile on Match.com for now and see where things go. If they don’t work out – which is always a possibility – I hope I can contact you again. In the meantime, best of luck with your search.
Men are so unaccustomed to getting treated with this level of honesty and respect, they will love you for it, and you will absolutely be able to go back to them in the future – even if they were, technically, your “second choice”
As for your second query, you’re making it much more complicated than it needs to be.
The night after a boring date that doesn’t inspire you to go out again, you just fire off an email. You may notice that it sounds very similar to the one you read ten seconds ago.
I had a nice time last night and really appreciate you treating me to Applebees, followed by the Disney On Ice; it was extremely generous of you.
However, I don’t feel the necessary “click” to continue to move things forward with our relationship. You’re a great guy and I’m glad I had the chance to get to know you. I’m sure you’re going to make some girl really happy one day. Best of luck and warmest wishes,
It’s not a negotiation; it’s a declaration.
You don’t have to explain why you don’t like him. You don’t have to promise to stay in touch as friends. You don’t have to do anything, except give him a slightly diluted version of the truth, so you don’t hurt his feelings when you reject him.
Sure, he can press you on WHY you didn’t feel it for him. Sure, he can write you a note that says that he thinks you’re a bitch and that you’ll die old alone. But that has nothing to do with you. You can rest easy, knowing that you did the classy thing, and that there’s nothing else that you can do to make it go down any easier.
After you do this a few dozen times, it becomes pretty natural, I assure you.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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