Comments on: How Do I Say No to All The Guys Who Write to Me Online?

By: woodsy

woodsy — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 08:16:54 +0000

# 33
You must be a misogynist. You shouldn’t think along these lines.

By: M

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 17:44:38 +0000

What a problem to have. I cannot imagine being so fortunate. Must be nice.

By: Katt

Katt — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 06:26:36 +0000

I just hide when im overwhelmed. But, then some men who ive talked to will send ,”what did i do wrong” messages!! Ugh , so insecure that i def lose interest. So, guys stop that one ..

By: Kali

Kali — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:29:27 +0000

I like David’s response. Saying oh you just missed it by 2 messages sounds like a great way to let them know it’s not them. I must say though, peeing around the bush may not be the best tactic. The guy may need to know what they are doing wrong for the next girl that comes around. Depending on the guy they may appreciate the positive criticism. Try not to make it sound negative but act as though you are trying to help them for future dates.

By: Mary Jonson

Mary Jonson — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:30:29 +0000

Nice article. Online dating is sometimes a very difficult thing, but a very useful too. We can meet our destiny online or just make new friends, or have a good time. And boys, they pretend to be funny and interesting but not all of them can actually do this

By: Tina

Tina — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:12:59 +0000

Yes AllenB, I agree that we all have conscious choices and I do not consider myself for a victim or something like that.
As for dating other men, I can not do this in this specific moment of my life because I’m not in position to meet someone else and then give him only empty hopes. I prefer to direct my attention toward other things like study, work, hobbies and this is also a conscious choice. But thank you very much for your opinion!

By: AllenB

AllenB — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:47:28 +0000

@ Hakoonamatata and @ Tina
It isn’t about justification or not.. It is about making a conscious choice. If he really is sending “mixed signals” then he is probably confused rather than evil and selfish. Someone confused is NOT good relationship material and waiting on them is an ineffective strategy, as Evan would say. They might never be deconfused, and until they are they won’t even know if you are their type. So you wait and maybe both changes fall your way, or maybe not, or maybe they never come at all.

Evan might also say the conscious choice is not so easy when you brain is flooded with chemicals. You won’t be available for anyone else while it is and those feelings center around thoughts of this man. How you interrupt that pattern, is up to you, but if you don’t you have to be at peace with being in the same situation you are now in six months, one year, two years, because you can’t control when you will get clarity from this man. Know what you might be giving up if you keep this up.

I recommend dating other men and keeping in touch with this one if you can do both with equivalent investment. That also means letting him go if you find someone before he gives you clarity..

Oh, and he will take your presence for granted. That is natural too, because of your ever-present availability. You might help him focus through his confusion if he starts to lose your availability, but that is also a long shot.

By: Tina

Tina — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 05:47:36 +0000

Hey Hakoonamatata, thank you very much too!
I invested so much time and feelings and everything into this man because this is the way I am, when I’m i love with somebody. It hurts as hell now but I hope the time will cure me.
I just wanted this level of honesty and respect Evan talks into this article.

By: Hakoonamatata

Hakoonamatata — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 09:59:40 +0000

@ Tina
I can (maybe, at a stretch) understand why AllenB is defending man in question but I don’t understand why you are investing so much energy pursuing someone who is, quite obviously, taking you for granted. Yes, he likes you because you’re great. Yes, he thinks you’re attractive because you are. Does he think you’re the one? Absolutely not. He keeps you around because you’re good for his ego. It doesn’t take much energy to send a text but it takes a lot more energy to follow up with action. And there is none. You are worth much more than being some man’s back up plan. If he has not made you the object of his affection then he does not deserve being yours.
Finding ways to justify his ‘behavior’ will not make him change. Walking away with your head held high and your self respect intact will more than likely change how he sees you.
‘If a man says he doesn’t know what he wants, he doesn’t want what he has right now’. If he wanted you, he would have stored his baggage in the overhead locker, not carry it around and ask you to ‘keep an eye on this for me’
Off my soap box now. It’s so frustrating to see my sister go through this same scenario.

sees you.

By: Michael17

Michael17 — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:16:30 +0000

Deev #23:

(1) Well, I say that if *you* go through the trouble of planning and paying for a first date (which is what men are doing all the time), and if *you* are being proactive as far as calling for a second (men do this too), *then* you have a reasonable expectation to the other person being decent enough to get back to you courteously either way. Until then though…. I’m not trying to be snide here. Have you tried contacting the man after the date yourself? Just as men have the right to contact you, you can do likewise. I will get back to the woman and be straight with her if she were to contact me and let me know that she would like to see me again. If she does not though, and I am not feeling it, then I usually won’t do anything. It might come across as presumptuous of me to write a woman right after the date and say “Hey, just wanted to let you know that I’m not interested” as very often, she wasn’t interested either!

(2) Don’t punish the guy you just saw for “mistakes” that others you went out with made towards you. They’re different guys!