Comments on: How Do I Survive The Frustration Of Online Dating?

By: Patricia

Patricia — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:36:38 +0000

Re. Still Looking: Thank you for your insight. I have read in more than one place to cease exchanging emails with a guy if he hasn’t mentioned meeting after the fourth one. I’m not sure how to get a guy to ask me out. I have read, repeatedly, that they need to be the one to initiate contact. I do try to be animated and clever in my emails, but I think I will take your advice and show some of my emails to a couple of guy friends.

Re. Teresa: I think you’re absolutely right about our age. I realize I don’t show up in their searches, so I when I do a search I look at profiles and send the occasional email to someone I find attractive. Sometimes I hear back and sometimes I don’t. I have really had to extend my geographic range, because I see the same tired faces I have seen for the past two years. The thought occurred to me that I could lie about my age and get away with it, but I wouldn’t want to begin a potential relationship under a lie.

Since I work from home, I have realized that I do need to get out more and get involved in the community. I work out with a private trainer at his home, so I have decided to go join a gym today and start going in the evenings. I went one evening recently, with a married girlfriend, and saw a few attractive men. I also plan to start doing some volunteer work in the community. I have told friends I am willing to be set up, but no one seems to know any decent available men.

It’s weird because any time I go out in public I have no problems attracting men. I was at a Sunday school function, recently, and mentioned I was cold. Three good-looking men approached me immediately, with their coats, and each insisted I wear his. The problem? They’re all married!!! ARGGHHHH!!!!!!

By: Teresa

Teresa — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 04:54:24 +0000

Patricia It’s your age I am 55 have been on numerous dating sites over a two year period and the general rule is men in their fifties don’t date women in their fifites

they date gnerally 10 12 years younger so we get the very young or the elderly.
It’s just the way it is. For women over 50 generally speaking online is not he way to go unless you are wiling to lie about your age. I am now focusing on men in their forties that I meet IRL single dances/meetup/thru work/friends. The problem with online is that you will not be showing up in searches due to your age. If you do want to do the online thing try emailing first.

By: Still-Looking

Still-Looking — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 18:54:42 +0000

Patricia @ 53 -
Some things are outside of your control and you will never know why someone you were corresponding with went “poof”. One guy might disappear b/c he starts to focus on someone else, another might decide to take a break from dating, etc.
I personally don’t like repeated email exchanges. It is time consuming and more important, it is very difficult to really determine someone’s personality.
Try making the transition from email to phone to a first meet much quicker. Also, as has been hammered home so many times on this site, guys are looking for women who are fun – be animated, laugh a bit, and don’t be afraid to flirt :=) Re-read you emails and see if they are a bit dry. Even better, ask a couple of guys to read them and give an honest assessment. Hope this helps.

By: Patricia

Patricia — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 14:01:24 +0000

I’m so glad to have found this blog because I have had the same experiences as everyone else and I thought it was just me! I have been on ‘match’ for 3 mos. and have had very little luck with it. I researched how to write a profile, what kinds of pics to post, etc. I am a well educated, articulate, fit, attractive woman/blue-eyed blonde. I seem to be able to turn heads pretty much everywhere I go. I am also 54, which seems to be desirable mainly to the elderly or the very young (20-somethings..and I know what THEY’RE looking for.)

When I do make contact with someone of an appropriate age, no matter who contacted who first, and begin a dialogue, it seldom goes anywhere. They’ll email and talk about meeting, but it never materializes. Or they suddenly vanish after a couple of exchanges. I have tried analyzing my emails to see if I am saying something wrong. I even had a friend take a look! We decided some of them were too wordy, but the bulk of them seem pretty “normal.” What the heck is going on? It’s pretty discouraging. I know it’s a numbers game, etc. and I’m trying to hang in there, but why would someone begin an enthusiastic-sounding dialogue, only to disappear?

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 22:17:39 +0000

On the responding to e-mail issue, I’ve sent a polite ‘thanks but we wouldn’t be a good match’ e-mail, only to have the guys curse me out as a reply. Whew! Dodged some bullets there.

By: Michael17

Michael17 — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:11:02 +0000

Angie #32: It can be easy for women to overrate their power online. Just because many a young woman gets a host of men writing her, doesn’t mean that every guy, or nearly every guy, really likes her profile.

I’d take out “I’m hoping to meet some nice new people”. It definitely weakens your email. That sentence would make me not respond unless I was really taken with your profile. I’d be wondering how many other guys you wrote today. You instead want the reader to feel that there was something about *him* that made you take the chance to write him. Or at least, not give him a reason to believe otherwise.

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 00:24:17 +0000

Helene

I see what you’re saying but that doesn’t explain what happens to me- some guys won’t write or respond but they’ll be checking my photo every day- I don’t think this is because they find me hideous

By: helene

helene — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 22:48:54 +0000

I don’t think there’s any mystery to online dating at all…. contrary to the “there’s no rhyme nor reason to it” philosophy, I actually think its completely straightforward.

Guys respond to your photos. That’s it. If they like your photos, they will write to you, even if they live hundreds of miles away, meet none of your stated specifications and you don’t meet theirs. Equally, if the guys who are “totally compatible” with you don’t reply to your e-mails, its because they didn’t feel an attraction when they looked at your photos. It doesn’t matter if you share the same hobbies and life goals and love of carrot flavoured ice cream, if you don’t appeal to them physically, they don’t want to get to know you!

This in no way implies that there is anything wrong with your looks, it simply means that your look does not appeal to that particular guy. OK, he could take a chance and meet you anyway in case you were better looking than in your pictures, but where’s the motivation? Meeting people you’ve contacted online is wearying and time consuming enough without arranging to meet people you don’t even think you’re going to be physically attracted to.

By: JB

JB — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 02:04:36 +0000

Thanks Angie,

@Sayanta #42 I’m not jaded because I don’t want to date someone who loves travel and it’s a huge part of their life.I never said it was a deal breaker.I get plenty of dates with non travelers or people that go on 1 vacation a year….lol This woman sounded like she was looking for a travel companion that was close to retiring and or had the financial means to take 3 or 4 trips a year.To be honest I just dropped her a note thanking her for the wink and asked her a couple of nice questions because I wanted to see what she says when I tell her I’m not much of a traveler and how important is it to her. I am curious…..so we’ll see……..

Also you have to give people time to respond,people are busy and sometimes it takes a few days to respond to an email or a wink properly instead of rushing it and saying nothing.

By: Venus

Venus — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 18:31:13 +0000

Oh and I never respond to winks!! Either online or in real life. I find them cheesy. Send me a message.