The guys I’ve met are pretty lukewarm. Things seemed to be moving on very slowly.

But, oh yes. This is a good post for me to read and re-read again when things are not going well to give myself a pick-me-up.

If someone gets into that state, then – as suspected by some of you and supported by research – judgments of physical attractiveness and other qualities are harsher and therefore the problem perpetuates itself.

The idea of taking a break sounds reasonable. Time to get over old hurts, maybe analyze and improve presentation, maybe question one’s own preferences, and so on. A subset of people likely is drawn to online dating due to the idea of finding someone special with fewer dates.

I don’t if it’s so much I am a doll, as I am practical. If I’m hungry to the point of being uncomfortable I am not having a good time – wherever I am or with whom. I’d have to do something about that. Also, *I* wouldn’t be having coffee after 5 anyway; I’d be having a glass of wine or beer – lol. If the man I was with didn’t offer to have dinner with me, I’d just assume he already had dinner plans. This was just meant to be a kind of “go-see” date after all, why should there be any pressure?

Tell you this though, if the date extends beyond an hour or so, the guy who offers food scores points with me. It’s kind of a way of saying, “I’m enjoying your company and I’d like this to continue.” I understand dating, particularly ‘blind dating’ internet style, can get expensive for men. I’d be more comfortable in that situation keeping the date casual, inexpensive, and with a time frame that could be adjusted – short, or possibly extended if we really hit it off.

Thanks for the nice compliments . I don’t think online dating is any worse. It is just more frequent.

I don’t how I feel about about gender roles. I’m not sure it matters for me personally. I act how I want. I pull chairs out, I open doors, I drive and I pay for the first 4 or 5 dates. If a woman is cool, but has a problem with that I just tell her she can get the next one. Unless a woman’s demeanor is way off I can handle being asked out and I’ve actually felt quite flattered about it.

The big problems I have had dating, is that at least as a guy, I feel “guilty until proven innocent”. So many times I have gotten a sense of a woman that tells me that we are both cool people who would get along well, but that isn’t enough. I have to overcome suspicions of all kinds, red flags, game playing etc. Sometimes I feel like yelling “You don’t know who I am. My name is ‘Steve’ not ‘Mr. All Men You Met Before’”. It is a major turn-off to me

It is so bad, sometimes it is just more fun to stay at home and watch Lost . Thankfully, only sometimes.

I think you sound like you are a very positive guy and you are also very open to interpretation and input from other people. That is so healthy. I think we are all struggling (both men and women) when it comes to dating. Truth be told, I think it was much less complicated before online dating came into the picture, and also when gender roles were more clearly defined.

I think in the end, the good people find the other good people. In the meantime, I’ll continue to keep an open mind and an open heart, but I won’t lower my standards out of desperation! I’ll also remain true to who I am and what works for me.

@JM #35
Somebody brought up the idea of “false positives” — dating blunders that get mistaken for red flags.

I got so lost in the great conversation that it never occurred to me that I should have offered something more.

That coffee date/first date was last year and has long been water under the bridge, but my curiosity about what exactly happened on her end was never satisfied. I’m honestly grateful to finally have had a revelation about the possible cause.

Given some of the ridiculous things I have read women raise “red flags” over in the comment section on this blog Im taking this as a lesson learned instead of whining about it being a fast judgment.

Conceit aside, I have a sense for what women have to settle for these days so I know I am a great guy. If she is still throwing opportunities away because somebody has an absent minded she is still missing out.

“Consider every rejection, and every bad date, a brick in your palace. Eventually, the palace gets built.”

I like that alot Lance. Quite positive.

Well JB, believe it or not, I’ve been out with guys who are “smoking hot 9s” but their personalities don’t always measure up, and so their good looks start to fade. Then there are the guys who are 7s, and get cuter due to their great personalities. My guess is that he was enjoying my company and that perhaps in his mind, there might have been a second date. I guess we’ll never know!

I’ve been on first dates where guys have paid $100+ on dinner and to be honest with you, that makes me uncomfortable, because I think that’s a pretty big financial commitment for a guy to make on a blind date. But, I think there is a happy medium. And unfortunately, I don’t think my date from last night knows about this blog, so you may never hear his side of the story…