Comments on: How Do You Combat “Why Bother” Syndrome After a Bunch of Frustrating Dates?

By: Londongirl

Londongirl — Thu, 19 May 2011 11:01:42 +0000

Just what I needed to read today…I’m a 34 year old bright, intelligent woman who gets buckets of attention, but yet have not met the right man. I’ve often felt like giving up on dating. I had what I thought was a great date last weekend, but have not heard from him since! I’ve been feeling pretty dejected, but take comfort from the fact that I refused to sleep with him (god knows he tried) and actually probably had a lucky escape. I know deep down its worth waiting for a man who appreciates me and I’m glad I kept my self-respect. I’ve learnt a lot from Evan and am slowly getting there. So while I still feel a bit crappy today, I’m going to keep smiling and keep going

By: Hannah

Hannah — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 16:05:42 +0000

Evan – What happened to this client? I’d be curious to know. I just got off the phone with a sobbing girlfriend who is also 33 years old and a great catch, but was just broken up with. I would love to hear some encouragement!

By: Jen A.

Jen A. — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 17:16:15 +0000

Excuse for saying, but I don’t want to go on that many dates with that many guys. I know what Evan would say: that I won’t find the one then. But I found my first husband the old fashioned way, without the internet. I will augment nature’s (God’s) process for my life with match.com, but I will use email and talking to weed most people out. I don’t feel like wasting my time on that many dates…it’s awkward and exhausting. And I think that plays into the jaded part of it. I still believe in being genuine and meaningful, so to treat dating like getting on a carousel doesn’t work for me. I’m not saying dates should mean everything, but they shouldn’t mean so little either. I tend to go out with groups of friends, with men being part of the group, to get to know local men. Easier than staring each other down over a dinner table with some kind of expectation.

By: Liz

Liz — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 18:20:25 +0000

@Sayanta – I’d think that online guys would definitely be more awkward. The same could be said for women, I suppose. I mean, let’s face it: some people use online dating as a last resort to pick up the slack of their difficulty meeting dates in “real life.” I don’t think it’s crazy that socially awkward people would be particularly drawn to online dating. I mean, you don’t even have to leave the house.

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 20:05:10 +0000

To Jordan, 54-

Ummm…ok. So why read a blog about relationships? (assuming you’re not trolling here).

Also, for online female daters out there, I’m curious- how has your experience been with the ‘nervousness’ factor of the opposite sex. I seem to be noticing that guys online, when we end up chatting on the phone, are stammering so much, or not letting me get a word in edgewise, that I almost can telepathically see beads of sweat glistening on their foreheads. Now, I know, I know, that I should be compassionate because the poor guys are just nervous. But some of these men are 35, and talking to me like they’re 12, and it’s their first time talking to a girl! I’m not saying they’re not nice, attractive guys, but I don’t know…this irks me.

So, do you think that online daters are more socially awkward than people you meet at ‘events?’ I’m trying to do a personal survey here- lol- and I realize I’ve met my share of awkward men in real life too (albeit in higher numbers online). Is this related to the kind of people who go to dating sites, or is it just an inevitable result of a culture that’s becoming more and more isolated from personal interactions face-to-face?

By: Jack @ I Love Your Accent

Jack @ I Love Your Accent — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 18:35:02 +0000

As with most things, dating can be a numbers game. It can be a disheartening endeavor at times but ultimately you have to sincerely believe that the next date will be successful beyond your wildest expectations or else you could very well end up getting pretty down on yourself.

By: Joanne

Joanne — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 17:10:07 +0000

You know Evan, I do believe that I am already and probably always have moved past or ignored my past experience with men………..I am definitely dating differently, less frequently….. and more openly and with men that are not “the ideal” match I thought I wanted, past the men that make me tingle at meeting, removed the (way too young) FWB out of my life to clear the way, to meet the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and the reason is that I want the things that you spoke about in your last newsletter. I mean in my own life surrounded by girl friends, whom I love dearly, and who are very carried away with looks and money, I have always been the one to know that money comes and goes, looks come and go, work comes and goes, I want the man who will show me he can and wants to give me his love, wants to love me as much as I want love him.

So though I do feel as if I am dating differently, I must be doing something wrong, and really am not sure what specifically I have to change? I deal in specifics much better than concepts. I am getting even more responses, to emails that I write to men (your way).. sure there are some that don’t want to respond to my written email, or some that tell me they are not interested, or don’t answer…some that take me for first date and don’t want the second date…….., I am right past these, never take them personally and never let them deter me from writing to ten others. But blessed or not, there are more that want to meet me and take me out once, and then for the second date. I really want to want that………but am not feeling anything, that I find myself focusing on the guilt I would feel leading a man on.

I feel as if I am just not meeting the right man, or if I am… I clearly cannot identify him………….or I am just pretty worn out by it all..

By: Jordan

Jordan — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 08:20:14 +0000

I gave up on “dating” a long time ago. Instead, I became rich. Now, women throw themselves at me. I wake up at noon everyday, watch sports and porn, and guzzle beer.
Get sex whenever I want and don’t have to deal with the BS of relationships.
I would recommend this to any man in the world.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:03:24 +0000

Tia,

I am pretty worn out by all of it, I admit. When you’re the provider, protector, chief cook and bottle washer, and whatever else the world demands that I be, I don’t have too much emotional and mental energy left. Especially when you take into consideration all the issues we discuss here. I’m not going to be intellectually dishonest and say that the right guy wouldn’t make me change my mind, but I’m still wrestling with it. I go through periods where I can just relax and have fun with it, then I go through periods where it pisses me off, then I go through periods where I’m just apathetic about meeting anyone. One really has to fight that apathy; in order to date successfully, a woman has to do what is counterintuitive which takes a great deal of mental energy because we have to be mindful to combat those impulses that women are hard wired to follow. Then, when he goes poof, we have to combat the questions about what we might have done wrong, or just buck up and move on, etc. That is not to bash men, because I know women have just as many issues. And some people are just more naturally easygoing about the whole process, while others aren’t and burn out easily.

By: Tia

Tia — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 20:36:20 +0000

oh yes, DAFT , dating fatigue and tiredness syndrome lol. been there. not every personality is made for the dating game, especially online, for some it is nervewracking (literally) the rejection, the vulnerability we must show, yet the tough steel rigidness when we act like ” we don’t care” . I wen’t thru it, and it didn’t take 19 dates, it only took about 4 on a personal sites before i nearly said hell with it altogether. When i was out with a guy i was having fu n with, i was having fun, but wondering would i see him again.. lol.

i lucked up on a nice guy, my current beau and 9 months later i am happy that i kept on. We both discussed this and agreed the constant meeting someone new and getting it together for the next person was exhausting, but the truth is, even when your’e dating and married , the game is not really over.

live in the moment. if you are feeling emotionally worn out from it all, take a break and pamper
yourself, do not try and juggle more dates and personalities than you can handle either, you will be become cynical

i had to remember, love may be around the next corner. won’t it be worth it to laugh about with someone you adore years down the road.