Not unless you have a choice. I may link to it every other column, but it’s important to remember that you’re As Valuable As Your Options.
If you can find a guy who lives closer to you, it will be much easier to establish, maintain, and/or drop the relationship quickly. As it stands, everything gets slowed down when a guy’s overseas.
Back to your question:
So how do I know if it’s worth it or if it’s all gonna be like a giant bomb exploding around me because what we have online or the phone just can’t be sustained "in real life".
Well, let’s look at it logically. If 99.9% of the men you’ve ever met are ones that you don’t want to marry, what are the odds that the guy who spends hours on the phone with you in another country IS the guy?
Probably pretty slim.
That doesn’t mean he’s NOT the one, and it doesn’t mean you should suddenly stop returning his calls. I just think it’s important to not get too excited about ANYBODY before you’ve, say, met in person. In fact, it’s dangerous. Because it leads to things like your letter. Or like the “bomb” that explodes around you. Or, more likely than not, the realization that phone chemistry is different than “real-life” chemistry.
Listen, nobody stresses establishing trust over the phone more than I do. Except I’m usually talking about two phone conversations in a week before you meet. When you let anticipation build up for a month or three prior to meeting, you set yourself up for three scenarios:
You see him, the chemistry is not there. You’re very disappointed. Crushed, even.
You see him, the chemistry is there. It’s on. You live happily ever after.
You see him, the chemistry is there. You throw yourself into it headlong. But due to the distance, all you ever have are week-long trips that seem like vacations. You never know what it’s like to just be normal together. So if either of you are to turn this into a regular relationship, someone’s going to have to uproot his/her life and take a big leap of faith that chemistry is a good precursor of compatibility.
Frankly, I think chemistry is just chemistry. There are lots of people I’ve had the hots for. There are very few I could spend my life with….
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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