Jul31
How Do You Know If It’s Worth It To Try a Long Distance Relationship?
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So when you’re looking for a definitive list as to what to look for in a guy, I’m not sure what to tell you. I’d venture to guess that it’s no different than what you’re looking for in a guy up the street.
How often does he email you?
How often does he call you?
How quickly after meeting does he talk about meeting again?
Is he willing to make big sacrifices to make a relationship work?
Is he actively dating online even when you are “committed” to each other?
Can you be authentic with him without scaring him off
Do you trust him enough to be secure when you haven’t heard from him in a bit?
All of these questions can reveal a man’s emotional investment in you. But beware of a guy who passes all of these tests. Sometimes a man’s willingness to throw himself into a long distance relationship means that he doesn’t have much of a life worth preserving at home. Many people who you might want to be with are firmly entrenched because of their businesses, families, friends, homes, etc. Be wary of someone who’s willing to instantly throw it away for a stranger he met on the internet.
To sum up: long-distance relationships can work. But if you’re looking for that master list that will give you every reassurance that your time is well-invested, I’m not going to be the one to give it to you.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
Dating is tough. Online dating is tougher. Long-distance dating is toughest. Throw them all together and, well, the odds are always very slim. But the couples who make it despite those slim odds are bound to be the strongest. Good luck and stay in touch.
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5 Comments »Filed Under Online Dating Tips & Advice, Sex & Relationship Advice
Carmin Wharton Aug 1st 2007 at 09:24 am 1
My opinion: if there is an option between dating someone in close proximity versus someone long distance, always, always go with the person in close proximity.
Why? Isn’t the reason we date to get to know someone better, perhaps to explore a long term relationship? Or, to simply have companionship. How can you really get to know someone better and have companionship at a great distance.
I believe to “be there” one has to “be there.”
Carmin Wharton, The Relationship Teacher
Author, “Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces”
http://www.carminwharton.com
becci Aug 19th 2007 at 04:43 am 2
A year ago i met a man online , in May of this year we met for the first time, and have been together ever since. Its hard been in a long distance relationship and i miss him terribly when were apart. We talk everyday on the phone, usualy 2/3 times and we email and chat online, we also try to meet up for long weekends at least 2 times a month. It i hard but worth it, we know that eventually one of us will have to move so we can be together but we are also being sensible and taking it slowly to ensure that were both ready when it happens. Honesty is the most important thing in a long term relationship, without it , it will not work. When your apart from the person you love for 80% of the year, you have to have trust.
hope this helps you, but it is worth it, plan and discuss what you want for the future together, but dont rush
Sue Aug 23rd 2007 at 03:57 pm 3
About 2 years ago, I met an incredible man playing an online game. Had been doing the online dating thing for a long time and had poor results. Not all dates were bad, there was just no interest in anything other then friends (and that was fine with me as well). Then along came the man of my online dreams. He lived 1800+ miles away. We spent over a year getting to know each other, bickering, out-right fighting and one of us ignoring the other. Our mutual online friends listened to us bemoan our bad luck and listened to us say how miserable we were when not playing together. 4 times I had planned to move to meet him and everything. 3 times he changed his mind and just wanted to be friends. I found other people to play the game we enjoy with and decided that enough was enough. Last December he told me that he was miserable without me even in a virtual world. Last Feb, he asked me to marry him. Keep in mind that we had never met in person. We had talked on the phone, written dozens of emails, talked on the computer with VoIP. I FINALLY packed everything, got on a train and moved 1800+ miles to meet the man of my dreams for the first time. Now, as the train grew nearer to the final stop where he was waiting to pick me up, I imagined all sorts of things. I was imagining him taking one look at me and sending me right back. He had seen pictures of me and me of him, but pictures don’t always tell the whole story. I thought “What if I am in love with a troll?! What if he thinks I am a troll?!!”. Needless to say, 5 months later, we are deliriously happy and plan to marry soon. So, depending on how much time you put into getting to know the person before actually meeting, it can be very rewarding and so very worth it.
NIKKI Aug 23rd 2007 at 06:05 pm 4
I meet this guy on a phone dating service..Its been 2 years, and i spent 4 days and plus Christmas with him last year.. But we haven’t seen each other since..Although we talk every day at least 2-3 times …His told mehe loves me and can’t live with out me..What’s the caught is that he lives only an hour and 30 minutes away…I not sure if i am in a relationship or just a penpals..I do care for him and he told me that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me..Am i crazy for thinking things will change and we will be together..what sure i do? Very confused…
Hopeless Love Aug 27th 2009 at 08:08 pm 5
I have fallen for a guy that lives overseas as well.. and I have felt this way for three years about him. We talk almost every day on Messenger and webcam and practically are the same person. (He says one thing as I am about to say it and vise versa) The problem is I am about to go off to college and will be there for four years and that limits all opportunities of meeting. Although a part of me wants to get over him and meet people in college and maybe find someone else, another part cares deeply for him and worries that they could make the worst decision in their life by letting that one in a million chance go.