Good luck.

Sorry to hear about the negative experiences you had when you were younger. I can relate because I had some bad experiences when I was rather young (I developed early). Thankfully I was able to overcome them, in part due to my faith. I think you may have mentioned that you’ve seen a counselor before about this, but if you haven’t I would highly recommend that you do so.

As far as your current dating life, are the only one date relationships of your making or theirs (ie, are you the one refusing the second date)? I would really advise that you go out on a least two dates, preferably even three before nixing a guy. I totally understand not being comfortable with some man on the first date. I’m not comfortable then either. But I’ve found that my best relationships didn’t necessarily start off with an automatic-WOW first date. They were nice first dates, but in getting to know the person more I became more interested in a relationship with them. Doing the same might work for you. It’s at least a thought.

Very good points- I wasn’t really talking about the ‘very active’ middle-schoolers, lol- just the ones who’ve had a nice, normal kiss here or there.

As for me…yeah, #8 is me- I didn’t want to admit it, but what the hell- we’re all anonymous here. lol. I don’t want to bore everyone with too many details of my life, etc., but there have been only two men that I really wanted to make out passionately with, that I could even imagine making out passionately with. And both of them turned out to be gay. It sounds funny when I write it here, but it was devastating to find it out at the time. It makes no sense, since I’d never gone out with them/been asked out by them, etc. But I was very very young and (before I found out they were gay), I honestly had thought they liked (sexually) me. And I once met a third guy who I fell madly for, and then, when he didn’t know I was listening, I heard him make horrible comments about my ethnic group. So- I don’t know, I guess psychologically, I just felt like a fool with these guys, and the idea of dating/making out, was something I just didn’t want to think about ever again- so I put my focus on work, creative pursuits, friendships, religion, etc. Anything but guys.

Of course, I’ve been on a lot of dates- but they’ve mostly been one-date wonders. I’ve been in plenty of situations where I could have made out with the guy, on dates, or just in bars, when I used to drink more often. But I don’t know…it just felt cheap to me to kiss a drunken stranger or someone I didn’t feel anything for at all. I guess- I always thought if I do anything physical (and for my purposes I’m meaning ‘physical’ ONLY to mean exchange of bodily fluids) I wanted it to be an absolutely beautiful experience, with someone I was REALLY attracted to. Like those gay guys. LOL

So- yeah, I’ve been thinking, did I make a mistake. Should I have just taken those kissing opportunities when I had them? It might have been more practical, but I’ve never been very practical when it comes to men. As you can all probably tell from my posts.

As a middle school teacher, I’m all too aware of the sexual tendencies of these young adolescents. And I’ve thought to myself for years that I would much rather wait far longer (including forever) to get into the stuff they’re doing than to be doing it that young. Besides the obvious pitfalls of pregnancy & STDs (yep, we’ve got them at our school), it wreaks havoc on their emotions, they have superficial ideas of what it is to have a relationship, and for far too many, they never learn that they’re wrong. Though I haven’t taught for decades to see how each individual kid evolves, I’ll see their parents where the mother has a “boyfriend” who treats her like dirt and is sleeping around, but it’s always the other women’s fault (yes, plural). This is a life I would never want for myself, and unfortunately I think it’s going to be the life for the more active 12 year olds. So don’t get an inferiority complex about them.

But with your #8 comment, are you speaking of yourself? Is it something about kissing another person that grosses you out (I do know that there are some people who just aren’t really interested in kissing…but are into other things)? Is it that you just can’t find someone that you’re willing to go on a date with? Or, is it something else? Sorry if I’m too nosy; you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/02/01/sex.robot/index.html?hpt=P1

Well not kidding so much, but if they are looking for long term relationships, then maybe church groups are not the worst idea. There seems to be a more likely pool of girls/women actually seeking others who have not had sexual experiences and want to be each other’s first?

Or I would say just strike up friendships with females and don’t tell….just give them a bunch of alcohol and tell them it’s such a turn on when THEY take the initiative and are in charge.

I didn’t have tons of experiences in my 20′s but I had a hot coworker…he was a total player and not my type, but I was physically attracted to him. He liked sex and I liked getting good practice when I didn’t care if I was perfect in bed or if he called me the next day. I could ask him what he liked and what he didn’t and I feel like it really gave me confidence for when I was with a guy I liked – AND I started realizing how much guys pursued me when I treated them like I could take them or leave them the way I acted with him instead of how I acted toward the ones I actually liked.

Anyways, I’d say just find a person you are comfortable with. Someone who is confident in regular life and has an attractive personality and looks probably matters more than if he thinks he is just soo smooth in bed when he probably isn’t. Too many “experienced” guys really have no clue what they are doing anyways.

Not to get all mushy on you, but I’m so glad you guys post to this blog. If you didn’t, I think I would still have a huge inferiority complex about the fact that most twelve-year-olds have gotten further than I have. But it’s good to know there are other late bloomers- granted, I haven’t exactly ‘bloomed’ yet heehee- but hopefully 2010 will be my year for this. God/dess willing.