Oct24

How Many Dates Are You Emailing At a Given Time?

03:00 pm on Oct 24th 2008 Evan Marc Katz

Finding the One Online is a comprehensive, life-changing program that covers everything I teach my clients about online dating. If you want to get your love life on track and aren't sure where to start, Finding the One Online is the best investment you can make.

12 Comments »Filed Under Online Dating Tips & Advice

12 Responses to “How Many Dates Are You Emailing At a Given Time?”

1. A-L Oct 24th 2008 at 08:18 pm 1

   I can handle e-mailing up to 5 guys at a time comfortably; when I do more it feels insane. Now how many of those actually turn into dates, and how many of them get beyond 1 or 2 dates, is another issue. And just to be clear, I define e-mailing as when each person in the relationship has sent at least two e-mails.

2. JuJu Oct 25th 2008 at 06:40 am 2

   By “dates”, I suppose, we are assuming I already find their e-mails and photos and vital stats appealing enough to agree to a meeting, right?

   In that case, on any given week of active internet dating, there would be around 3-5.

   A-L is right, it’s difficult to handle communication with more people than that at a time – it practically becomes a second job. I start having problems remembering who is who and several times considered setting up some sort of a file system – thank Gmail for grouping messages by thread.

3. Cilla Oct 25th 2008 at 07:27 am 3

   Agree with A-L. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I’m back on the market again and trying to decide how many men, if any, to contact at once. Realistically, I know that if I email 10 men, I’ll probably get 7 or 8 responses back, because I’m selective about whom I’m contacting. Do I really want to juggle 7 or 8 email conversations? Even if that’s manageable, do I want to deal with the 3-5 phone conversations that may result? I had enough trouble handling two guys at once this summer, with a third possibility who kept popping up! The pair-and-a-spare theory sounds nice for improving your stats, but it can make for a very busy schedule!

   I’ll make it even more complicated for you. Because I’m in a position to move next year, I’m looking at long-distance relationships. I can date (without sex) several men simultaneously near home, but once you fly to someone else’s city, or they fly to yours, the expectations get raised. Of course, it’s permissible to say, “Sure come visit for the weekend, but you’ll stay in a hotel and they’ll be no sex,” but few guys will take you up on that offer. Or you can sleep with multiple guys during the same time period, but that gets tricky too, for all involved, and it’s not really comfortable for me. I made a relationship decision last summer quicker than I really wanted to because one of the men was 800 miles away. I really wanted to meet him, and I knew if we spent the weekend together, it would mean letting the other prospect go.

   That long-distance relationship just ended (we decided to remain friends, so it wasn’t a total waste), but I’m regretting never having the chance to know that other guy who was in the running at the same time. Now, I will email fewer out-of-state men to begin with (maybe 2) and they’ll have to wait a little longer for a meeting, in case there’s anyone closer to home who might also fit the bill. Sorry! That’s the long way to say: 1 or 2 men out of state, 3 or 4 locally.

4. Karl R Oct 25th 2008 at 07:43 am 4

   One to two. Three is my max. I just don’t have that much time.

   I expect that the ladies I correspond with aren’t necessarily under the same time constraints as I am, so they may exceed me.

5. LADY Oct 25th 2008 at 11:19 am 5

   I can handle at least 10 at one time. I eventually let go of those who are sucked into the “Online only” and into IM only. I prefer to talk on the phone.

   I dont waste time for the face to face as I have learned so many lie as to thier appearance and it is a turn off when one lacks confidence ( Put up a pic older than 1 yr.)

   So out of the 10 it boils down to 2 that have become good friends.

   So I have decided no more online!! When my subscription ends in 2 weeks I am so done with it. I found most subscribers have been there for years, Darn scary thought!!!!

6. Jane Oct 25th 2008 at 12:22 pm 6

   Actively emailing 3 or 4 men at a time. May meet for dates with 2 maybe 3. I find that things seem to sort themselves out over time as one man usually becomes the more comfortable and fun one to be with. I really trying to let things unfold and not rush to decisions.

   I also like to talk on the phone prior to having an actual date. Sometimes it means I go no further.

7. Elli Oct 25th 2008 at 12:33 pm 7

   I will email with 5-6 men at a time. Rather quickly I will decide if the man is someone I’d like to meet. I do not want to email for a prolonged period of time. When I was new to this, I could (and did) write over 50 pages (yes, you read that right) to a guy before meeting. Now, a few emails, a phone conversation or two and that’s it. Time to meet.

8. happygirl Oct 25th 2008 at 02:07 pm 8

   I would say that I would email 3 max 4 at a time. Dating more then one person at a time. I can honestly say 2 maybe. I personally feel it I date more then 2 then I am not giving it a proper chance to develop.

9. Eathan Oct 25th 2008 at 04:21 pm 9

   The most I’ve ever emailed is 8. Normally it’s around 4-5.

10. Lou Oct 26th 2008 at 03:28 am 10

    I once had 6 fisrt dates six nights in a row – and it was maddening and hard to keep track of everyone – so I limit myself now to maybe 3-5 at a time that I am in the process of seeing for the first time. Once that gets to second or third date territory – I cut down even further – figuring that if I am going on a third date – things are going well – otherwise why go on the third date?

11. Lance Oct 26th 2008 at 04:19 pm 11

    Around 3-4, although it depends on the market at the time. These days I’m emailing exactly 1 gal, but when I was really dating around, I’d email as many as possible.

12. Dana Oct 28th 2008 at 08:21 am 12

    Five was always my limit. More than that and I’d just get confused and start calling them all by the wrong names.

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