How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?

In preparation for my free teleclass next Tuesday, I’m going to be asking two new online questions each day and would greatly appreciate your responses. With your participation, I think we can all learn something fundamental about online dating. So here’s my first question:

How many emails do you think the most attractive women in their 20’s and 30’s get per a week on a major dating site?

Please respond in the comments below.

Don’t forget to register for my free teleclass, The Top 5 Mistakes You’re Making Online and How to Understand the Opposite Sex Online, on Tuesday, October 28th at 9pmEST/6pmPST.

http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/teleseminar/

Talk to you soon!

Evan

P.S. Don’t worry – our regular Thursday reader questions will still be answered as long as I’m in town.

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73 Comments »Filed Under Online Dating Tips & Advice, Uncategorized

73 Responses to “How Many Emails Do The Most Attractive Women Get Online?”

Adi 1

first depends from the profile, but I think up to ten per week
Shira 2

I think they get 2 to 3 e-mails per day.
Cindy 3

I am a 40 something, attractive woman and I probably get an average of 20-25 new emails/winks from men on a weekly basis. So, I imagine the pool for the younger MOST attractive women is much higher, possibly 50-60 hits per week! For those I’m not interested in for whatever reason (usually distance) I try to be considerate by responding and saying no, thank you. And I actually get a thank you back for acknowledging them. I would say that is the #1 complaint I hear from men, that they don’t get any response from the emails they send out. I try to explain to them that women get so many more emails and sometimes it’s difficult to respond to everyone.
Evan Marc Katz 4

I know I’m a guy, but try higher. A lot higher…
April 5

When I first started online dating, I was in my late thirties, and even I usually got about 10 emails a day. So I can only imagine that a hot 26-year-old would get three times as many.
happy girl 6

I am not in my 30′s but 40′s and I get at least 6 to 10 a day not really emails but winks and emails..sometimes more
Lori 7

I’d say between 10 and 15 a day based on looks alone. More if she has an interesting profile…
happy girl 8

I agree with Cindy..most men complain that women don’t even bother to respond. I have tried to email back a response as much as I can and have had very nice emails back thanking me and letting me know that they really appreciate my email. It is disheartning for men as well as it would be for women if there is not even a polite email back. I think we forget that behind that profile and photo posted ( or sometimes not a photo) is a person.
Sheryl 9

I’d say about 100 a week plus winks.
Joe 10

Somewhat off-topic, but I don’t think it’s necessary to respond to every wink/icebreaker/whatever if you’re getting tons of contacts. If you’re not worth someone’s time to craft a nicely written personal note–even a short one–why should you spend your time even responding to him/her with a canned thanks-but-no-thanks response?
Terri 11

If she is hot on a major site like Match.com I am guessing 10-20 a day initially. Once they determine she has been there awhile it would back off a bit. I get 10 a day when I am perceived as the new girl in the room and I am an attractive (not hot) 54 year old!
Elli 12

Hi,
I’m 56, have pics posted with my face only (personal preference, although I’m in shape). When I first join a website (JDate, Yahoo Personals, POF, eHarmony) I have 50-100 emails in the first week. After that it stays that way for a couple months. When it dwindles down, I still get 5-10 per week. About half of those emails are from men between 25-45 years of age (and I am NOT interested in very young men). I would think that a good looking woman in her 20′s would need a personal secretary to handle the influx of emails!
$Francisco 13

Seventy-five or more per week.
outsidethebellcurve 14

I’m a guy, but I tried an interesting test….

I put up a pretty crappy profile… a la “I love to hang out, goto bars, museums, and restaurants, but I’m just as happy sitting at watching watching netflix.” … then, I went to google images, and found a picture of a hot girl. I attached the above-mentioned profile with the picture of the hot girl, and waited….

Within the first day, I had been written to by more than 70 guys. By the end of the week, almost 300. So, that’s my guess: between 250-300.
JB 15

My “hottie” female recon profile got about 85 in the first week. She’s 43,divorced,no kids and about an “8″ or “9″. I can’t believe the amount of idiots that still “wink” …..LOL You ladies are right,there’s an endless amount of dorks,dweebs,and doofus’s out there !!…LOL Unless you ARE a model most women won’t respond to a wink. Winks should be banned from all pay sites as well as free profiles. On Plenty Of Fish it doesn’t matter obviously. In 10 years of online dating I’ve never once used a wink.
Norman 16

If she’s new to the site, probably 50-100 a day for the first week or two, then it should taper off to something a little more manageable. I’ve known women who had to hide their profiles after the flood of message they initially received because they felt so overwhelmed.
JuJu 17

Depends on the site (and I never used a paid one other than for a free intro). Memorably, on Craigslist I was getting several e-mails per minute (I did put up my pics in the ad), but that’s probably common on that site.
JuJu 18

I should add, however, that my wording filtered out most (in terms of intellect).
Zann 19

I think it totally depends on what dating site is being used. Evan, I’ve heard you mention in other posts that young, “hot” women (& I assume we’re talking about physical attributes here)can get hundreds of contacts a week. So, I’ll guess 250. To be honest, I’m 55 and consider myself attractive, young-looking, and physically fit, but the most frequent response I get from men who write me is that they loved my writing in my profile. I’ve been on a 3-month break from online dating, but before that was on Singlesnet and Salon Personals. The norm for Singlesnet would be around 8-10 contacts a day, although many of them were from guys in other states or countries, inappropriate age range. The Salon site tends to be extremely liberal, which I like, but also tends to attract a rather non-mainstream male, and contacts from that site are pretty limited. It goes in spurts and varies pretty dramatically — I’d get a couple a day, but sometimes no contacts at all for weeks, just “views.”
Doll 20

My estimate would be in excess of over 100, I too, consider myself an average looking woman. When I have been on a dating site, I got in excess of that number per week. By the way I’m 54, I can only imagine there are even more in the dating pool between 20-30, with more looking for someone in that age bracket.
Linda 21

Interesting question. I made a mistake when signing up for a free trial at True.com. When it was time to upload a photo, I clicked on something to see what it was and the photo uploaded and I was unable to delete it. The photo was a picture of my friend’s secretary. She received over 100 messages a day. I thought “wow, what a great site!’ I deleted all of the messages, contacted the service and changed the name on the profile and replaced the photo with mine. To date, I have had not one response.

I’m sure you’re all thinking I’m a real dog, right? That’s not true, I notice attention from men I pass on the street and they will sometimes stop me and tell me I’m gorgeous, or I look great.

A difference is that her picture was a close up of her face and mine are more distant pictures.
sara 22

From my experience:
I’ve been on and off multiple online dating website from the age of 28-32. I think I’m attractive, and I write a well-written and thorough dating profile. When you first sign up on a dating website, there’s “the new girl” syndrome. The first month or so I would easily receive 40-50 winks or emails per week. After that, the number dwindeled to perhaps 10 per week.
A-L 23

What’s the population of the town the girl is posting in? I bet a girl in a major metropolitan area (L.A., Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, etc) is going to get a much bigger response than someone in mid-sized towns (Tampa, Kansas City, Richmond), and girls in mid-sized towns are going to get a lot more than girls in rural areas. Plus, as others have mentioned, there’s the new girl factor to consider.

So here are my sets of guesses:

New hot girl in big metropolis: 300
New hot girl in mid-sized city: 150
New hot girl in rural area: 50

Old hot girl in big metropolis: 100
Old hot girl in mid-sized city: 30
Old hot girl in rural area: 10
(Old being defined as not new to the site)
A-L 24

I’m amending my previous post:

New hot girl in big metropolis: 500
Hot Alpha Female 25

When I was on RSVP an Australian Dating site I was probably got about 40-50 emails a week.

It was ridiculous.

And because there were so many, I was extremely selective of the people who i responded to and their emails had to REALLY stand out and be something speical … for me to even read the whole thing let alone reply.

Hope this helps

Hot Alpha Female
Hot Alpha Female 26

Evan.

I got over 500 responses in 2 months. So thats like 40-50 emails a week.

That is quite a lot to handle. So it was important that the emails I replied to really JUMPED out from the crowd.

Emails that started went along the lines of “Hi how are you, tell me about yourself” – were simply overlooked.

Hope this helps

Hot Alpha Female
Elle 27

I think they get 10 emails per week.
Macy 28

I’m a fairly attractive 50 something woman. When I put new pictures on Match, I receive 10-20 e-mails plus winks a day for the first 5-6 weeks. I would average 350-400 e-mails (but that is counting e-mailing back and forth with some of the guys) a month, for years. I live in a fairly big city, but not anywhere near the size of Atlanta. I imagine a much younger, attractive woman in a large city could average 50+ e-mails/winks a day.
Evan Marc Katz 29

Okay, guys, what did you learn here today? It’s a lot MORE competitive than you even knew.

That’s why you should register for my free teleclass next Tuesday:

http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/teleseminar/

Oh, and for the women who generously offered their own stories, your takeaway should be that if you want to stem the tide of unwanted unsolicited emails, you should take down your photo and only contact the men who interest YOU!
Lance 30

Wanted to add my 2c. I know an attractive girl in Boston who got between 100-200 per week when she was doing match. I also know a younger chick, age 24, who got 500 in 48 hours when she posted in the Berkeley area. She went on exactly two dates from those 500 and then took down her profile because it was too much to keep up with.

Yeah, it’s competitive. It’s kinda almost exactly like going to a BAR, where the hottest chicks get the most guys hitting on them. With both avenues, you can give yourself advantages with good game.

As a guy who’s done the match thing for years, I’ve received less than a dozen, unsolicited emails total, where every single one of the emailers were not even close to being hot. I guess I’m not tall enough!
Eden 31

So I would say I’m an averagly attractive female, currently 33 years old and used online dating sites when I was 30-32 (off and on)… eharmony (trial only), POF and Yahoo… I’d have to agree with some of the other comments, at first there would be a big influx of emails (8-10+ per day) and then after a short time it would die down to 5 or so a day.. sometimes more, sometimes less. Out of all those emails (initial time period and later on) there was still a serious amount of weeding out to be done, separating the serious from the ‘I just want to cyber’ or ‘I just want to get laid’.
My other point is that it really does matter what you say in your profile. My first profiles didn’t get much response… I gave out too much detail of what I wanted (and didn’t want) too soon. Once I changed it to a more upbeat, lighthearted profile I received many many more responses than I had originally… same picture and all.. just new words to read.
I met my current boyfriend on POF and it’s been 8 months so far.. and all signs point to many more!
Eden 32

after scanning more comments… I’ll add that I’m not from a medium/large area in Oregon… Had I lived in Portland I think the amount of emails would have been larger… but I wasn’t interested in relocating so small town Oregon was it!
JB 33

Lance ….it’s nothing like going to a bar !!!!!

Believe me and YOU know this….When a hot chick walks into a bar she’s not besieged by 500 men in the first hour hitting on her …lol
They’re all scared to death to approach her for the most part except the PUA’s with game and no fear. Most of the men on online dating sites would never approach most of the women they email & wink at online if they ever saw them in public. Why ??? Fear of public rejection. Noone including most women fear “online rejection” although I know it hurts women a lot more than men to get a rejection email from someone they contacted first. Maybe Evan could tell us the reason why ??
Evan Marc Katz 34

They’re not used to rejection the way men are. Guys write to fifty women online to get two responses. Women often quit once five guys have ignored them. Not ALL of them, but they are more sensitive to rejection than men – largely because they’re not often in the position to be rejected…
Adrienne Lewis 35

I am almost 34. I would rate myself between a 7 or 8 out of 10 and that is being dead honest with myself. I get between 6-10 emails a day. I used to be blond and I got more then, like maybe 20 a day and I was “favorited” 170 times. As a brunette I am favorited 70 times but the quality of people sending them is higher for some reason.

Really, so much is due to marketing – am interesting profile with great yet real photos.
Kenley 36

Based on the previous posts I have read, it seems the most attractive women can get between 200 and 500 emails a week.

I would actually be curious to know why really attractive women go on-line in the first place. More than one man on this blog has said that attractive women don’t need to go online because they get hit on all the time and they can have boyfriends whenever they want. So, I wonder what motivates them to search at Match or eHarmony.
Cilla 37

I’m a woman in her mid-40′s who just ended a relationship and is available again. Maybe a 7-8 in looks, profile well written, almost an empty nester, not looking for more children, etc. I’m not really ready to date yet (need some decompression time), but I dread putting my profile back up when I am ready. I was getting 10 or so emails and a handful of winks almost every day (2 sites). 99.9% of these were from men who were so woefully inappropriate for me I had to laugh out loud. I even composed a form letter, because handling all of this was getting to be like a second job. I didn’t feel the need to respond to every contact, but I did make an effort if the fellow took the time to craft a nice letter reflecting that he had actually read and thought about my profile. One man wrote me a one-sentence introduction and followed up with a second email saying, “I think you’re a dirt ball” because I hadn’t written back to him! Some guys would wink or email multiple times in one month. I’m still getting the odd email or text from a couple of guys with whom I exchanged personal information but to whom I made it clear were not going to work out as romantic partners. I understand the benefit of persistence, but enough is enough already. I feel like every successive profile I put up gets snottier and snottier, just trying to weed out the mismatches. I myself would only write to a couple of men in the space of a month. I know it reduced my odds, but I wasn’t interested in corresponding with anyone whose profile didn’t resonate with me right away. If they rejected me, so be it–I’d wait a while and look for another guy or two who met my rather strict criteria.
JuJu 38

Cilla,

that happened to me too (I am referring to the “snottier and snottier” comment) – the sentiment becomes a bit difficult to avoid after a while of online dating.

The only way to get any meaningful results, though, is to write an entirely positive profile, not mention any physical characteristics you are looking for in a mate at all, and then just weed out the undesirables on your own. And I can actually tell from the first sentence whether the rest is worth reading (and especially so from telephone conversations – the way a man constructs his sentences and his pronunciation and overall vocabulary immediately tell whether it’s someone I’d consider associating with).

As I mentioned above, the literary style I chose served as quite an effective filter – I got responses from some pretty high quality individuals, and the more primitive folk didn’t even bother. Also, apparently the way I wrote commanded respect: an acquaintance complained about receiving pics of penises, and I never even knew this sort of thing occurred.
JuJu 39

Oh, and the worst part, Cilla, is that no matter how many of those things you do NOT want in a mate you list in your profile, the men who fit those criteria will still write to you. So, it’s just an unproductive strategy.
JuJu 40

That’s not to mention that negativity is usually a turn-off (just imagine seeing a profile like that written by a man – would it appeal to you? because I have, and they really didn’t).

Sorry for this run-on posting =), I keep forgetting the things I wanted to say.

Anyway, Evan has stated all this before, which is not to say I am plagiarizing here – I just arrived at the same conclusions after my own extensive experience with internet dating.
moonsical 41

I’ve been I’net dating for years, with no success. I’m sure I’m doing it all wrong, though I’ve crafted many profiles, and many kinds of profiles. I’ve now ripened to the age of 42. I have no idea why a hot woman in her 20′s would need the Internet; I never did. But being older and the dating pool being more limited it seems a tool for a certain demographic who are no longer in college with their peers, hanging out in large gangs or in bars and clubs. So, my question is: how many e-mails should a reasonably attractive woman in her early 40′s expect? Sorry I feel no pity for hot women in their twenties! Please.
Evan Marc Katz 42

Friends,

NEVER put what you DON’T want in a profile. As you’ve noticed, it doesn’t scare away the wrong guys – and it very well could turn off the right guys. Just be flattered that you get the attention of so many inappropriate men – because 90% of men, by your standards, are always going to be inappropriate…

More free insights on guys at:

http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/teleseminar/

See you there!

E
Beccy 43

It is alot to keep up with and then you see the guys who are always on there.. and you wonder what the heck always on there.. players.. pigs and girls should be very careful!!! I have to hide my profile as many girls do when they keep looking.. It is sick!
Melissa 44

In my first 20 hours I received 40+ winks, 6 emails, 180+ hits off of Match.com.
I’m in an attractive female in my 30′s, no children… Most of the communication from males has been off-putting. I will be canceling membership shortly, and stick with meeting guys in real life. My friend was the one who suggested I try out the cyberdating world; instead, I should have listened to my instincts.
I’m sure it works for a lot of people. I’ve heard some of some success stories.
Joe 45

Melissa, do you mind sharing what sorts of communication have been so off-putting?
Cat 46

Melissa (#44) – I’m confused, are you quitting online dating because you didn’t find the perfect guy in your first 20 hours??? Did you think it would only take the free three day trial?

Evan has a great, comprehensive product for anyone new to online dating (or who hasn’t been successful at it yet.) It’s called Finding the One Online. I wish I’d had his help when I was dating in my 20′s and 30′s! It’s funny, I know some girls who will go buy a new outfit, get a mani/pedi, and a blow out (hair styling) before a date but they don’t want to spend money on 3 months of Match.com…

My other question to you, Melissa, is do you think that the guys you meet “in real life” are not also online? I’ve been asked out by four guys “in real life” this month and all four of them also do online dating, two of them on more than one site. (And the ones you meet who don’t are usually on Facebook or some other social media…)

It does take some effort to learn how to date online successfully, but it’s a worthwhile investment.
Helen 47

I’m a twenty-something cute girl who is on match. I’ve only gotten a few winks and no e-mails from guys around my age. I have pictures and a profile. This results in me e-mailing a lot of guys with no response back. Very depressing.
Dawn 48

I have a great pic with an equally fantastic write-up, and I’m getting more than 200 emails per week. I’m in my 30s. Honestly? It’s a bit overwhelming, and I’ve had guys get impatient and upset with me if I don’t email them back right away, especially when they notice that I’m online. And I haven’t even read Marc’s insights on online dating yet…
meg 49

Very interesting to read all the replies. The first week I went on match.com I got over 400 emails. I was 32, lived in New York City, and looked pretty darn good back then.
Mike 50

What about guys? How many do they typically get? I joined match.com about ten days ago and have had 240 views, about fifty winks and 24 or so emails. Is this common? Does it taper off pretty rapidly then?
John 51

I have been on many sites. As a guy, it’s quite difficult. Even if you are avg looking, goodlooking. I have noticed or heard from woman that hot guys get more emails regardless of their profile. A lot of these hot guys lie about many things, lets see I have heard most of the lies, it starts with
Age, they say they are younger, they are married and say they are single or seperated etc…they have big money issues, they have a criminal backround….they use steriods…or other drugs..they are big drinkers….guys that go to the first date drunk or get drunk. Move to quickly with sex….dating 5 girls at once..the list goes on and on…yes girls lie too. Especially about age and how long they have been on the dating site..they play it off like they are innocent and I swear i usually get the answer from a question “how many dates have you been on and how long have you been on this site, answer “a few dates and I just joined, my girlfriend set me up on it” my quote “Everyone paints a pretty picture but the canvas is weak.” People sugar coat things WAY too much..but the truth comes out sooner or later. That pretty much sums up what I think about this whole internet craze dating sites. Match.com is good but quantity isn’t the same as quality obviously. I think lucky has a lot to do with it and timing. Good luck everyone, ya gonna need it!
babs 52

From doing a test on craigslist with no picture, just said sexy, beautiful lady in 30′s looking for NSA sex well it was posted for only one day and received 8 email responses. I live in a small suburban city.
diligence 53

I’m a black woman. Early 30s. Conventionally attractive in some ways, yes, but also overweight. I’m a creative professional with an indie bent, and my tastes and visual aesthetic tend to reflect that. On OkCupid I receive an average of one message a month. When I was on Plentyofish, I received an average of one message every other day.
Hey, we like who we like, right?
James B 54

I’d always suspected that active male profiles outnumber women by a huge amount on Dating sites (probably 3 to 1 on paid sites and far higher on sites like Plenty of Fish – POF).

Anyway, I did a couple of experiments a while back which confirmed this. A radius search on Match certainly backed this up (before they cleverly redesigned the site which stopped side by side comparisons – wonder why they did that?!).

Then I wanted to see how online dating was from a female perspective. So, I set up a fake female profile (mid 20s) on POF a couple of years ago. I used 3 images and whilst she was pretty attractive, she certainly wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. The glut of emails however was absolutely extraordinary!!! She received the following in the first week of being online:
395 Profile Views;
198 Emails;
147 Men Wanted to Meet Her;
101 Men Had Added Her to Their Favourites.
Over 40 Unsolicited Chat Requests.

It was absolutely bewildering and virtually impossible to keep track of. Most of the emails were exceptionally lame “Hi, Hi Babez, Hey Baby, Hey Hun, Hi Gawjuss etc”. Therefore, you’d think that writing a tailored email would help? Don’t be so sure! I hadn’t logged on for 3 days and had received another 80 emails. I doubt many women could be bothered sifting through all of this when 99% of the emails were borderline retarded. I suspect Match is hardly different.

I suspect that even very average girls get deluged with emails from desperate men (far more than an above average man would ever receive). Of course, this attention means that even average women can be infinitely fussier than they would be offline (height requirements, salary requirements etc).

Hence, I’m absolutely convinced that if you’re a male under 5ft 10, then internet dating is perhaps not the best avenue to pursue a potential relationship. Even if you’re decent looking, in-shape, successful, educated and write good quality tailored emails, you’ll likely be ignored even if you message below average women. Moreover, few if any, will actively search for you. It’s a harsh truth but I don’t know any guys on the short side who have had success online. However, I know plenty of men above average height who have.
Goldie 55

@ James

“It’s a harsh truth but I don’t know any guys on the short side who have had success online.”

I dated at least two that I can think of, just in the last six months. Was totally willing to get serious with one of them, but he wasn’t up for a relationship so we’re friends now. Both are 5’6″ or 5’7″. I’m 5’9″. At least one of those two is pretty successful online, the other one isn’t doing too bad on there either. I agree that, in online dating, the deck is stacked against a short guy, but if he leads with his personality (and is more or less easy on the eyes), all things are possible. Both of these people are a lot of fun to hang out with, and that can go a long way.
James B 56

@Goldie

Hmmm, perhaps but who are they messaging? There are loads of blokes who talk about having a good game and anything is possible even if you’re short. You’ll see them babbling on forums about 90% success rates for their emails and that they’re messaging 7s, 8s, 9s & getting responses. I remain far from convinced. Of course, you can do well online even if you’re short, if you’re consistently emailing girls who are fat and/or ugly with zero self confidence. I know that sounds incredibly shallow but they’re easy targets and I know people who do it.

Of course, I know short & funny guys (5ft 5, 5ft 6) with attractive girlfriends but there’s no chance they’d have met them online. There are two major issues with online dating particularly for shorter guys:

1) Each individual becomes a statistic (are they tall enough, do they earn enough, do they have nice pictures etc)? It’s a cynical process which doesn’t take into account other factors that may have some importance (personality).
2) There’s a disproportionate amount of men on dating sites so the competition is absolutely fierce. If a woman looks at a couple of profiles and thinks that they both look superficially good but one’s 5ft 8 and the other is 6ft 2, who’s she going to choose without any other indicators (personality and other factors that could make the outcome different)? Undoubtedly, the taller guy.

I think if you’re under 5ft 10 and decent looking, you’re better meeting women offline because I think you’ll have WAY more success particularly if your personality comes across. Spending time online and competing with a ton of other men (quite a few who make look superficially better on paper) in the hope of getting a response, seems a total waste of time and energy!
Goldie 57

@ James

Of course, you can do well online even if you’re short, if you’re consistently emailing girls who are fat and/or ugly with zero self confidence.

Haha, I cannot post my picture here… privacy and stuff but I guarantee you, I look all right. More than all right, for my age group. You’ll have to take my word for it though. I am also very very selective. Very small percentage of the people that message me, get to meet me in person. Yet these shorter guys were convincing enough for me to think that we’d click and have a good time together (we did). With one of these guys I’ve mentioned, I’ve seen photos of his female FB friends and they are also very easy on the eyes.

Of course I’m a) in my 40s, and b) go for the intellectual crowd. I figure that makes a difference. People pay attention to things other than looks. Also, in my age/social group, it’s nearly impossible to meet new people IRL, so pretty much everyone who’s single is online. I agree with you it’s probably very different for people in their 20s, but they should have no problem meeting new people IRL.

If a woman looks at a couple of profiles and thinks that they both look superficially good but one’s 5ft 8 and the other is 6ft 2, who’s she going to choose without any other indicators (personality and other factors that could make the outcome different)? Undoubtedly, the taller guy.

Why would she choose one? Online dating is a numbers game. If they both sound interesting enough, she’ll choose both and things will develop from there.
James B 58

I’m sure you’re very attractive Goldie but as women get older they have to more accepting/cognisant of undesirable physical traits/baggage in a prospective partner because they don’t have figure they used to, may have baggage as well & have to accept that some men in their 40s (if single and affluent) will be chasing much younger women. Thus, their amount of choice is far less so compromises have to be inevitably made particularly with regards to looks.

Moreover, I suspect if you were 20 years younger, the chances of you replying to a guy who was 5ft 6/5ft 7 would be slim to none. Whilst I’m sure you get a fair amount of messages, you could probably double/maybe triple that amount if you were in your 20s.

One of my friends is 5ft 5, very funny, ambitious, successful and decent looking but had hardly any profile views and barely ever received a response despite sending really good initial messages. And whilst he’s no Casanova, he certainly doesn’t do too badly with the ladies in real life. He learnt the hard-way that online dating was ultra competitive, that h’’d get lost in the mix and wouldn’t be given a chance to shine.

I’m just under 5ft 9, 31 but look a lot younger, certainly better than average looking (I look a lot like Harry Judd – Google him), without sounding conceited I’m funny/charismatic, have 2 Post Graduate Degrees, & I operate a pretty successful business too (which takes up a lot of my time hence one of the reasons why I joined a dating site), Whilst I had more success than my shorter friend online, I certainly didn’t set the world alight online despite writing a real good profile and sending good/tailored initial messages. I wouldn’t be any rush to sign up again put it that way!!

However, another friend who is 6ft 3 absolutely cleans up on there. Whilst a really nice guy & above average in the looks department, he has a perennial lack of ambition & still lives at home with his mum. He had more profile views in 1 month, than I had in 3 months. I suppose that’s to be expected in the same way that if you’re a tall girl, you’ll probably receive less attention/views than a shorter girl due to having less options.

On the basis of those experiences, and the amount of messages that women receive on a daily basis, I feel that men (particularly if they’re on the short side) would be better served putting their spare time into gaining a hobby and meeting women in a real life setting whereby their personality has a far greater chance to shine.
Margaret 59

@ Evan 42

I agree with you Evan, but it goes both ways. Negativity is a turnoff for both sexes. Bitterness destroys only the vessel in which it resides. I definitely bypass profiles from men that are angry and bitter.
Margaret 60

@ Cilla 37 I am a 50 year-old woman. Attractive for my age, particularly if you look at the Midwest. The average woman walking down the street. Not LA, not NYC. I know I cannot compete with these women. I’ve had much the same experience: Nastygrams from men 60+ who could not undersfe at a party, not online.tand why I wasn’t thrilled that they had chosen me. This component has turned me off OLD, at least for now. I just feel that we have turned into a society that recognizes only youth and beauty, i.e. Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, etc. Very sad. But most of the men in my age range that are in decent shape (financially and physically) want women much younger than me. I am not sayng that it is impossible to find a compatible match at my age, just much more difficult than when I was in my 20s.

I agree with so much of what Evan says, but, at a certain point, serendipity does or does not take over. (If I am not mistaken, Evan met his wife at , not online)a party
James B 61

@Evan 42:

Evan, I’m really interested in your comment about “90% of men, by your standards, are always going to be inappropriate…” Thus, can you shed some light on the below?

In my experience, I would say that even very average girls get deluged with messages. A girl in my social circle (friend of a friend) is on Match and whilst she’s relatively tall/slim (albeit with no figure), she’s not remotely attractive, has bad teeth, puts no effort into her appearance and half the time looks like she’s been dragged through a hedge backwards/hasn’t had a wash. I know that sounds really harsh but I’m afraid it’s the truth. She’s a nice person but doesn’t have much of a personality and has a constant air of desperation about her. She’s made numerous overtures to not only myself but a couple of friends too. Yet, ONLINE…

She’s an entirely different person. Despite the fact that her profile pictures aren’t especially great, her profile is full of spelling/grammar mistakes and the usual terrible clichés (likes going to gigs, walks on the beach, looking for that special someone bla bla bla), she’s hyper fussy with regards to her criteria, receives lots of messages (most flake) but she does go on quite a lot of dates according to my friend (although they never go any further in the long term).

Do you think this happens because women (particularly in their 20s/early 30s) receive so many messages, that they lose sense of reality? Hence, an over-exaggerated sense of their demand/importance in the online world?

I see it as somewhat analogous to how people act tough Online/Forums/Facebook etc, & say things to others they wouldn’t dare say in person. They become completely different people. I think this occurs with regards to Online Dating too i.e. people completely reinvent themselves.

Would be interested in your opinion on this Evan.
Goldie 62

@ James B

“as women get older they have to more accepting/cognisant of undesirable physical traits/baggage in a prospective partner because they don’t have figure they used to, may have baggage as well & have to accept that some men in their 40s (if single and affluent) will be chasing much younger women. Thus, their amount of choice is far less so compromises have to be inevitably made particularly with regards to looks.”

Harsh, but probably true… I would rephrase it, though. As we all get older, we all begin to have serious issues. As in, almost every guy in my age group whose profile I see online, has a skeleton in his closet. Compared to things like: still separated with the ex still in the picture, full-time dad of young kids, special-needs children living at home, drinking problems, mental problems… the list goes on and on… “too short” isn’t even a blip on the radar. Things just fall into their proper perspective as we get older. I guarantee you, last time I dated (age 17-20) I was shallow as all get out. So no, I have no advice for a shorter guy in his 20s on how to succeed online. Agree with you, maybe it isn’t time for him to even be online yet.

“I suppose that’s to be expected in the same way that if you’re a tall girl, you’ll probably receive less attention/views than a shorter girl due to having less options.”

LOL no… not that I’ve noticed.
Nicole 63

@Goldie, seriously.
I’m a short (okay average height) woman in a family of “tallies” and my 6 foot tall (sometimes taller) FEMALE cousins, aunts, and yes, grandma had no shortage of suitors of ALL heights. And grandma and at least two aunts married men who were several inches shorter than them.

And my tall friends (who have all dated short men by the way) say that short guys hit on them ALL of the time, and I’ve seen it in real life with my tall friends.

Now I live someplace where a good portion of the men seem obsessed with something else entirely, so I’m thinking based on the popular preferences, tall isn’t so in out here, but in general, tall girls don’t lack for suitors.
James B 64

@Goldie,

It wasn’t designed to be harsh, I’m just straight-talking Perhaps I should have rephrased it and agree that it’s not just women who need to make compromises as they get older. 5-10 years ago there’s no way I’d have gone out with someone who had a child or was say a size 14 (UK). It still wouldn’t be ideal but if the right person came along, I’d make the compromise. None of us are perfect after all!

But I think we can certainly agree that as man in your 20s/early 30s, unless you’re really at the top end of average height (5ft 10, 5ft 11), or taller (6ft +), you’re better pursuing other options than online dating particularly if you’d like a partner who’s attractive.

As for the tall comment, it wasn’t designed to be offensive but I think it’s common sense that if you’re a women of average height/a little shorter, you’re likely to appeal to a greater cross section of men (taller, average and short). For example, about 10 years ago, I was asked out by a girl who was 5ft 11 and she was very attractive. However, when she wore heels she was 6ft 3. I’d have felt like a small child with her seeing as I’m 5ft 9 so turned her down. I still would now to be honest.
Johnny 65

Am always suspicious why a really attractive girl would be online in first place especially if she is in her twenties!!! Is it attention seeking, is she serious about finding someone? An attractive women can surely find someone offline!!
Anyway a girl I know (mid twenties) is online and she gets loads of messages. She’ is not really good looking and her profile is totally rubbish it is about 4 lines worth. Most the messages she gets are LAME!! Like ‘Your gawjus, fancy goin out?’ ‘Hi, you’re too nice for me but thought i’d send you a message anyway. hope to hear soon.’
Steve 66

former girlfriend was on match and she is pretty fit british slang for hot by the way. told me that she got about 200 messages in the first week and less in following weeks but still over 50 new messages a week. she got tired of dealin with it. most of the messages were from losers
Dan 67

Girl I knew in London received over 500 messages in her first week on pof. Over 300 in her 2nd week. A min of 75 messages beyond that each week. She said most guys would spam her inbox send her numerous messages without even realising. These blokes must have been sending exact same messages to 100s of different girls.
anonymous 68

I put up an experimental profile at okcupid. I listed myself as married (I am) and looking only for friends, and then told men they “probably shouldn’t” message me. It’s been one day, and I’ve received maybe 25 messages. Not so many, but I’m sure it would be more if I were single and encouraging. However, I’ve had hundreds of profile visits in a single day. My “average” number will get up to around 120, then get knocked down to 100. The has been at least one visitor at my profile at all times since I put it up. I’m 35 but significantly more attractive than average. The men who have messaged me fall between 19 and 50 years in age.
mstfd 69

@ James…I’m sure you’re very attractive Goldie but as women get older they have to more accepting/cognisant of undesirable physical traits/baggage in a prospective partner because they don’t have figure they used to, may have baggage as well & have to accept that some men in their 40s (if single and affluent) will be chasing much younger women. Thus, their amount of choice is far less so compromises have to be inevitably made particularly with regards to looks.

No, James. You couldn’t be more wrong…I’m 48 and granted I do look at least 10 years younger than that. No problems with the 35-50 age group, just got tired of them responding to a picture and failing to read the ad. The man of my dreams I did meet was because of a blind ad that I ran-decided I was looking for substance, not just someone attracted to me physically. We plan to marry next year. He’s in his 40′s and very successful, not interested in girls, only intelligent women. Some men are mature…
Zaq 70

If all men under 5 ft 10 give up OLD that could have a very beneficial effect, as MOST men are under this height.
If men over the age of 50, those without higher education, and those on average salaries got off as well, we could get rid of the complaints of inappropriate men contacting.

Surely then we could get the emails down to manageable numbers for the women to be able to email back, and have the added benefit of those left being of the required quality level.

I’m sure all the women here will be saying a big YES to this. Why isn’t some enterprising individual or group setting up an OLD site to give women what they actually want ? – not a bunch of losers
AussiePistola 71

Hi, I’m a 26 yr old guy, started trying dating sites recently. I hope my experience can spread some light on why ladies get so many messages.

When I started, I would go through my matches, carefully reading profiles, seeing if I thought I would get along with someone. If I thought we would get along, I would write a (I like to think) well thought out, witty and charming introductory message.

After about a week, and no responses, my introductions started getting shorter. I got a few responses and we would message back and forth, sometimes for weeks, but always when I prompted if they would like to chat real-time, the responses would stop dead.

After that, I started skimming profiles and sending shorter messages (surprisingly sometimes It would spark a response). The only girl I’ve ever chatted to off-site contacted me first, and we realised within our first conversation there was no attraction, but we had some things in common so are still online friends.

So I think girls not responding causes guys to start messaging more girls, which in turn causes girls to have to ignore more messages. I also think a lot of girls are on these sites for an ego boost, I know some girls that have boyfriends but are still on dating websites. I also think most girls are waiting to meet their knight in shining armour in a perfectly romantic moment, until they hit 30, realise they want kids, and start sending me winks.
Chickenadobo1 72

Im late 30s in Vegas. Last summer, I put up my best pics and wrote a “nice” profile. I got 3000 views and over 1000 emails in the first month. I couldnt even go through half of them. Most were obviously copy/paste all messages. This winter I put up ok pics and wrote a “bitchie” profile and listed my age as early 30s. I got 7000 views, about 700 emails and About half of them were copy/paste alls.
Pinkie 73

Fairly attractive 25 year old woman… In my first 24 hours on Match, with two photos posted, I had 70+ emails and winks, three men favorite me, and went on my first date the next day. I’ve been on for one week now and am averaging about 40+ men contacting me in some way per day. It really is slightly overwhelming…