Comments on: How Many Times a Year Do You Get Set-up or Get a Number at a Bar?

By: Jeannette

Jeannette — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 22:24:28 +0000

I hardly ever get set up. I believe this is because my friends know that I meet people easily. (I smile, make eye contact a lot, and genuinely enjoy meeting people.) Which explains why most of the time I go to a bar, either someone asks for my phone number or I get one. I must admit, that I used to get more phone numbers when I was really open and friendly. But most of the time, I’d attract guys that I really wasn’t into. Now I’ve learned to be more selective about who I talk to, so I don’t get as many numbers as before, and I will not give out my number if I’m truly not into someone. As I’ve gotten older (I’m 35), it’s more about quality not quantity.

By: hunter

hunter — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 08:07:19 +0000

on post #12,

“I have noticed, that a genuine smile and eye contact is a great way to come to someone’s attention.” YES!…..Should I write that in all capitals or bold letters?……LOL!..

By: Jane

Jane — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:57:55 +0000

Meet at a bar? That would be zero.

Set ups? I like the “prescreening” aspect of a recommendation that comes from a friend but they have not led to any ltrs.

On line has been my most successful way of meeting men. But, like someone asked, when is a ltr an ltr? I am not currently in a relationship so I don’t think I can say my online dating efforts have resulted in an ltr or I wouldn’t be back looking for it. So far good for strs.

I have noticed that a genuine smile and eye contact is a great way to come to someone’s attention.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 04:04:48 +0000

My usual way of meeting men is in bars/lounges/ at happy hours, so I don’t have an accurate count of how many times i’ve given out my number in those situations.
Set-ups- only one in recent memory and it was not even close to a match.
I agree with others that have pointed out some of the clear advantages of dating online- you get to see some of your key parameters laid out for you up front. And for those of us that care about those things, it’s nice. But meeting someone offline seems less awkward to me somehow.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 03:58:49 +0000

In the past year, I’ve met two guys at bars (one of whom was there with the friend of a friend so sort of with the same people; the other was a stranger). Both of them struck up a conversation and then asked for my number. They didn’t work out, the first one because we just weren’t right for each other but couldn’t have known that right away and the second because I was too drunk to realize it at the time. Its not a very good method, but it isn’t like I was looking for at all either.

I had a friend who set me up four times, three were awful, one led to a relationship. She and her boyfriend both invited us out without telling us why, and I agree with Karl: its way less stress to just “happen” to meet each other and be able to take it from there. The ones where we specifically “met” were a lot more awkward.

I never date anyone for longer than three months, so I have no idea which one would actually work for a LTR.

I think I most prefer set-ups because the person is (at least a little) vetted in advance. It can be awkward if it doesn’t work out if you travel in the same circles.

By: Banjoj

Banjoj — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 03:27:09 +0000

Number at a bar: A friend I was with gave my number to a guy at a bar and it lead to a four year marriage made in hell!! I don’t recommend that.

Set-up: I am not comfortable letting someone “set me up” They are not always the best judge and there are always questions that I have to answer..”well, how did it go?”

Online: Nothing long term, but I have not had any bad experiences. Most of my dates have been a lot of fun.

Prefer: I think I agree with Karl R…meeting through activities we mutually enjoy is the best.

By: susy k

susy k — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:31:57 +0000

I’ve never been picked up at a bar as I’m not into the bar scene but don’t think a bunch of drunk guys is where I’m going to meet a quality guy.

I have been set up once and that lasted three months.

I met my current LTR online. That’s been wonderful and part of the reason I think that it worked for me is that I was honest with myself about what I wanted and who I was and put that in my profile. I found someone who did the same. We also keep the lines of communication open so that we are free to be true to ourselves and to each other at the same time.

I think I prefer online dating to other methods, you can “pick” someone within the boundaries of your parameters so to speak.

By: Cilla

Cilla — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:57:07 +0000

I don’t do the bar thing either. Where I live there aren’t too many places for people over the age of 25 to socialize as singles.

I’ve never been set up, so I have no experience there.

Online dating has yielded a handful of men to date (after whittling them down by email and phone calls) and two long-term relationships for me. So far it seems the only way to go–I just don’t meet men here IRL. Even the ones from my place of residence who write to me online are usually total mismatches. I search out of town, because I’m open to long distance relationships and the possibility of relocating. In fact, my email dance card is a little too full right now. I need to start whittling down again.

By: chase

chase — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:44:07 +0000

I think long-term relationships are more likely when you’re set up by friends or family, or through work because there is a lot more peer pressure to stay in the relationship rather than have a fling or break up with someone and cause unnecessary drama. Meeting at bars aren’t very good because they might not remember you, are drunk, or can’t hear you very well.

By: JuJu

JuJu — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:31:39 +0000

If we had the ability of those machines in “Terminator” to look at someone and see a chart of what that person is all about, I would say, live meetings are the best way, hands down (singles events, social activities that Karl R mentioned, and so on).

But the reality is, when all you know about a person is what they look like, it’s not exactly much use in finding an LTR: this individual could turn out to be a complete idiot, or a bad person, or just altogether incompatible with you – in this regard online communication has the edge.

I can probably count on one hand all the times I was set up with someone by friends, EVER.

I don’t drink, therefore bars are really not my scene.

Oh, I have to disagree with Karl on the method of introduction. In the most recent attempt anyone made to set me up (two years ago) my friend suggested that instead of giving his friend my number he wants us all to hang out some time. I said, no way, I have to “interview” this person first over the phone to see if he is even worth my time. NOR do I think that group meetings are that great an idea for a first date. He (my friend) thought that would take the pressure off. I thought it would hinder our getting to know each other.