Comments on: How Often Am I Supposed To Call My Girlfriend? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 05:00:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: starthrower68 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-244589 starthrower68 Thu, 12 Jan 2012 04:35:02 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-244589 The use of the phrase, "if you loved me you'd do such-and-such" is manipulative.  However, if Hadley is not willing to do a small thing for his GF then he won't be willing to do a big thing.   And DMC, would that really be the hill you want to die on?  Is it really too much in your opinion to do a small thing to make a woman feel loved and valued? What if the tables were turned?  See we are ALL required to be meek at times in order to have successful relationships.  Meek does not equal weak.  Meekness is strength under control because its a choice you make.  If you are not concerned about a successful relationship, then that's another discussion entirely. The use of the phrase, “if you loved me you’d do such-and-such” is manipulative.  However, if Hadley is not willing to do a small thing for his GF then he won’t be willing to do a big thing.  

And DMC, would that really be the hill you want to die on?  Is it really too much in your opinion to do a small thing to make a woman feel loved and valued? What if the tables were turned?  See we are ALL required to be meek at times in order to have successful relationships.  Meek does not equal weak.  Meekness is strength under control because its a choice you make.  If you are not concerned about a successful relationship, then that’s another discussion entirely.

]]> By: DMC http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-244496 DMC Thu, 12 Jan 2012 01:44:26 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-244496 I apologize if you thought I was disrespecting you.  I simply disagree with your assessments at times, this one in particular.  To be fair, I said where I "feel you are incorrect". I think you calling me a misogynist simply b/c I said the man should not be a pushover and should stand up for what he wants is a little over the top/ And I apologize if you thought I was polluting your blog.  I was simply stating a view that was different from yours.  I apologize if you thought I was disrespecting you.  I simply disagree with your assessments at times, this one in particular.  To be fair, I said where I “feel you are incorrect”.

I think you calling me a misogynist simply b/c I said the man should not be a pushover and should stand up for what he wants is a little over the top/

And I apologize if you thought I was polluting your blog.  I was simply stating a view that was different from yours. 

]]> By: Evan Marc Katz http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-244484 Evan Marc Katz Thu, 12 Jan 2012 01:28:18 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-244484 Hey, DMC, one more sarcastic crack like "I thought you were trying to give helpful advice" and you're gone. Look around: there's lots of dissent on here. You just happen to consistently cross over into disrespect, and I'm pretty much done with it. And to be crystal clear: you may disagree with me, but that doesn't mean I'm "incorrect". Perhaps you should start your own dating/relationship blog instead of polluting mine with your borderline misogynist take on the the world. Yes. I think that would be best. You give advice to people receptive to your worldview and I'll give advice to those who are receptive to mine. Hey, DMC, one more sarcastic crack like “I thought you were trying to give helpful advice” and you’re gone. Look around: there’s lots of dissent on here. You just happen to consistently cross over into disrespect, and I’m pretty much done with it.

And to be crystal clear: you may disagree with me, but that doesn’t mean I’m “incorrect”.

Perhaps you should start your own dating/relationship blog instead of polluting mine with your borderline misogynist take on the the world.

Yes. I think that would be best. You give advice to people receptive to your worldview and I’ll give advice to those who are receptive to mine.

]]> By: DMC http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-244454 DMC Wed, 11 Jan 2012 23:56:42 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-244454 @ EMK Maybe I misunderstood - I thought you were trying to give helpful advice.  Also, I think you are being a little over-sensitive:  I've often agreed with things you've said.  I've just pointed out where I feel you've been incorrect. In this case, I think you are effectively telling this guy to be a pushover and simply give in to his woman's neediness.  I think this is a poor long-term strategy (and and even worse short-term one).  You are suggesting a band-aid, I'm suggesting a remedy @ EMK

Maybe I misunderstood – I thought you were trying to give helpful advice.  Also, I think you are being a little over-sensitive:  I’ve often agreed with things you’ve said.  I’ve just pointed out where I feel you’ve been incorrect. In this case, I think you are effectively telling this guy to be a pushover and simply give in to his woman’s neediness.  I think this is a poor long-term strategy (and and even worse short-term one).  You are suggesting a band-aid, I’m suggesting a remedy

]]> By: Evan Marc Katz http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-244441 Evan Marc Katz Wed, 11 Jan 2012 23:24:27 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-244441 Darren, you always tell me I miss the mark. Have you ever considered that I'm actually <strong>hitting</strong> my mark but I'm just not writing for you? Darren, you always tell me I miss the mark. Have you ever considered that I’m actually hitting my mark but I’m just not writing for you?

]]> By: DMC http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-244438 DMC Wed, 11 Jan 2012 23:12:14 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-244438 I agree with SWF42 (#2) - she sounds whiny and needy, and this type of thing will be the tip of the iceberg You need to set boundaries.  Women like when you leave them wanting more to a degree, and telling them no can be quite the turn on.  And remember, women aren't exactly know for being unfickle are content.  It will always be something.  I think I know what Evan was going for here, but he missed the mark. It's not a compromise when one side is totally giving in. I agree with SWF42 (#2) – she sounds whiny and needy, and this type of thing will be the tip of the iceberg

You need to set boundaries.  Women like when you leave them wanting more to a degree, and telling them no can be quite the turn on.  And remember, women aren’t exactly know for being unfickle are content.  It will always be something. 

I think I know what Evan was going for here, but he missed the mark. It’s not a compromise when one side is totally giving in.

]]> By: Mark http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-244426 Mark Wed, 11 Jan 2012 22:46:46 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-244426 re: lindsey Guess what? We're all different. "If I really loved YOU, I would want to...", and "If you wanted to show me you loved me, so that I'd really get the message, you could..." would be fair game.  Saying "If you really loved me, you would want to..." isn't.     re: lindsey
Guess what? We’re all different.
“If I really loved YOU, I would want to…”, and “If you wanted to show me you loved me, so that I’d really get the message, you could…” would be fair game.  Saying “If you really loved me, you would want to…” isn’t.
 
 

]]> By: lindsey http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-193373 lindsey Wed, 26 Oct 2011 18:58:09 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-193373 "If you really loved me you would want to" is not if you love me you will X... Why has no one asked what is wrong with these guys who equate calling someone who they profess to love with "checking in with mom" or talking with clients? Really? You see your girlfriend as falling into these categories? That is your issue to work through in therapy, not hers. I agree that if you are in love with me and thinking about me, you will not be able to resist reaching for that phone. If that makes me needy (!) then consider this: if I don't need you, then I DON'T need you. Maybe that is what you are going for - but that is not an emotional relationship. “If you really loved me you would want to” is not if you love me you will X…

Why has no one asked what is wrong with these guys who equate calling someone who they profess to love with “checking in with mom” or talking with clients? Really? You see your girlfriend as falling into these categories? That is your issue to work through in therapy, not hers.

I agree that if you are in love with me and thinking about me, you will not be able to resist reaching for that phone. If that makes me needy (!) then consider this: if I don’t need you, then I DON’T need you. Maybe that is what you are going for – but that is not an emotional relationship.

]]> By: Spring http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-193348 Spring Wed, 26 Oct 2011 17:23:49 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-193348 :) So if man  is hungry he should cook for himself, but if he expects a woman to cook dinner for him he is needy. Then she should decide if she would like to be with this needy man. Also if woman wish to get married to a man she should get him a ring and propose, otherwise if she is expecting this from him-she must be needy. Guys just try call your woman if you really need her, only takes few minutes and get on with your life, expect nice food, love affection and so on. Or analyze analyze analyze analyze and look for that special lady who is not needy neither she is not interested in hearing your voice   :)
So if man  is hungry he should cook for himself, but if he expects a woman to cook dinner for him he is needy. Then she should decide if she would like to be with this needy man. Also if woman wish to get married to a man she should get him a ring and propose, otherwise if she is expecting this from him-she must be needy.

Guys just try call your woman if you really need her, only takes few minutes and get on with your life, expect nice food, love affection and so on. Or analyze analyze analyze analyze and look for that special lady who is not needy neither she is not interested in hearing your voice
 

]]> By: Michelle http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/comment-page-2/#comment-193344 Michelle Wed, 26 Oct 2011 17:16:49 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-often-am-i-supposed-to-call-my-girlfriend/#comment-193344 Consider reading the book Attachment by Levine & Heller. It talks about 3 types of attachment styles:  Secure, Anxious and Avoidant.  These styles we are primarily born with but our life experiences can contribute as well.  Most people are Secure, and that's what it sounds like you are Sarah.  It sounds like your boyfriend is Anxious. In any relationship, there has to be compromise, period.  If you care and/or love this man, then for God's sake, make some sort of contact with him each day or return his contact.  You know what makes him crazy and upset, but yet you aren't willing to do anything to help avoid that.  Or perhaps set him up for you know you will not be able to have any contact with him so he knows.  If you can't deal with an Anxious attachment style, then leave him and find another Secure person.  Beware though, no one is perfect, so getting another Secure person may result in other things that aren't acceptable to you, like a mismatch in values and beliefs, not valuing family, etc. Consider reading the book Attachment by Levine & Heller. It talks about 3 types of attachment styles:  Secure, Anxious and Avoidant.  These styles we are primarily born with but our life experiences can contribute as well.  Most people are Secure, and that’s what it sounds like you are Sarah.  It sounds like your boyfriend is Anxious.

In any relationship, there has to be compromise, period.  If you care and/or love this man, then for God’s sake, make some sort of contact with him each day or return his contact.  You know what makes him crazy and upset, but yet you aren’t willing to do anything to help avoid that.  Or perhaps set him up for you know you will not be able to have any contact with him so he knows. 

If you can’t deal with an Anxious attachment style, then leave him and find another Secure person.  Beware though, no one is perfect, so getting another Secure person may result in other things that aren’t acceptable to you, like a mismatch in values and beliefs, not valuing family, etc.

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