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I have a lot of conversations with women who inquire about which coaching option is the right fit.
Before anyone invests a lot of money in herself, it’s important that we get on the same page. In that half-hour, I can tell if she’s coach-able and serious, and she can tell if she’s going to respond to my no-nonsense approach to understanding men.
Every once in awhile, our free consultations will take a turn to the unexpected, and I get confronted with a question that I’ve never heard before.
In this instance, a successful, inquisitive, 40-something woman said that she’d read about all of my success stories – and even read my quote about the “crossroads”.
What she wanted to know was this:
“Among your success stories, Evan, what percentage of women changed who they were, and what percentage of women changed their choice of men?”
Out of everyone I’ve ever coached – and we’re talking over 1000 women since 2004 – I don’t recall a single instance where the woman fundamentally changed herself to find love.
I took a second to contemplate before replying.
I racked my brain, then laughed out loud at my own unexpected answer.
Out of everyone I’ve ever coached – and we’re talking over 1000 women since 2004 – I don’t recall a single instance where the woman fundamentally changed herself to find love. If she was driven, she remained driven. If she was opinionated, she remained opinionated. If she was busy, she remained busy.
In the hundreds of success stories that I’ve had, every single one started with my client doing two things:
1) Making a greater effort to find love
2) Opening up to, and falling for, a different type of man
That was a fascinating revelation to me and it should be to you, as well.
But what if I told you that I was drawn towards cocaine and prostitutes? (Yes, I am secretly Charlie Sheen.)
Seriously – what if I said that those 2 things produced the greatest highs in my life and I didn’t want to give them up?
You’d probably tell me that while you wish me well, it’s hard to create a stable relationship if I’m snorting blow off a 20-year-old in a Vegas hotel room. It may be fun, but hookers and coke are probably not building blocks for a peaceful life.
Hate to say it but: the men you’re most attracted to are your hookers and coke. And the only way to find a relationship that sticks is to quit them cold turkey.
This does NOT mean giving up on attraction, intelligence, looks or money!
All traits are on a sliding scale from 1-10; it’s not simply an either/or. Unless you make it that way. Consider this email I got from my former client last week:
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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