Sep12

How To Guarantee A Guy Calls You After Sex

09:02 am on Sep 12th 2007 Evan Marc Katz

Finding the One Online is a comprehensive, life-changing program that covers everything I teach my clients about online dating. If you want to get your love life on track and aren't sure where to start, Finding the One Online is the best investment you can make.

40 Comments »Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice, Sex & Relationship Advice

40 Responses to “How To Guarantee A Guy Calls You After Sex”

1. Emma Sep 12th 2007 at 10:18 am 1

   Evan, stop being so freaking reductive. The “you” in that situation could be the guy I just broke up with, who started seeing a future with me even though we had discussed that our relationship was what it was (friendship, sex, and yes, love, but not a future), and the “men” in that situation could be me. Actually, that’s being reductive. I don’t look for sex and find love or look for love and find sex. I look for whatever I can get, and get whatever end up with. I have sex just because I want to sometimes, and sometimes I’ll fall in love with that stranger. I become friends with people and lay in wait for years because I love them (or just want them). My longest relationship (2 years) was with a man who I was casually sleeping with, and we both accidentally fell in love with each other. This took 6 months for us to admit, because it shocked us so much. You need to start using some qualifiers in your columns: MOST women.

2. Evan Marc Katz Sep 12th 2007 at 10:37 am 2

   Yes, MOST women, Emma.

3. JimmyE Sep 12th 2007 at 11:03 am 3

   I agree with Evan about sex affecting men’s behaviour, but I think you should also consider how the expectancy of being the pursuer will cause some men to act keener then we might be in the early stages of a relationship.

   On the whole we’re expected to initiate contact, ask women out and follow up after a good date. I don’t mind this, but it does mean there isn’t much space for contemplation if you’re sitting on the fence.

   In my experience, women tend to ask themselves if a relationship has potential after one or two dates, whereas a man will probably wait for a few dates and possibly sex before being similarily far-sighted

4. Jules Sep 12th 2007 at 11:14 am 4

   This post comes at a very interesting time for me. I have been on about 6 dates with this guy over the past month. While we have hooked up, I have held back from sleeping with him. The big thing that is holding me back is that I don’t want to give it up only to have my guy pull a disappearing act.

   We’ve talked about sleeping together and I told him that I wasn’t ready yet for a few reasons. One being what I just stated above. But another is that I don’t want to start having certain expectations once it does happen. I would want to see him more often that the twice a week dates we’ve been having. I would want him to do more than just text me almost every day. I would want to feel secure that this isn’t going to be just a casual thing.

   I don’t want to want all of those things, so that’s why I’ve chosen to wait. I think he understands, but we shall see. Like Evan states, I am going to judge my guy on his actions and not by what he says. All of his “I miss you” texts mean nothing if he’s not actually making plans to see me.

5. Hadley Paige Sep 12th 2007 at 11:22 am 5

   The best way to get a guy to call you back after you have had sex with him is to leave a message on his machine that you would like to work on your blowjob technique and would he help.

   Calling back is not the goal per se is it? The goal is to for the guy to call back because he is truly interested in you for an LTR.

   For that I don’t have an answer. You can’t make it happen. If he is truly into you he will call. If not don’t force it.

6. Camilla Sep 12th 2007 at 12:25 pm 6

   Jean wrote: “Maybe it’s just me, but all interactions with people mean something to me. I feel that’s the respect I should give to another person. And if they don’t mean anything to me, then it’s because I don’t want to interact with that person.”

   I completely disagree. To me, a sign of respect is to not be so judgemental. A “you’re in or you’re out” decision made after a couple dates or sex seems harsh, not respectful.

   My hunch is that Jean is hoping to avoid the unknowing anxiety of not knowing where she stands. So if you’re the type of person who is uncomfortable with “maybe” then you’ve got your answer. Unless it’s a clearcut yes, then take it as a no.

   I think it’s possible to be absolutely respectful, genuine, and enjoy dating (including sex) without it having to be an LTR. It’s not fair to say than anything less is manipulation/deceit/disrespect. Lighten up! That, or don’t sleep with people who aren’t already committed to you.

7. Shari Sep 13th 2007 at 03:21 pm 7

   What do you make of men who make the second date before you part after the first, and then make all kinds of excuses to not keep that second date? I can’t tell you how long that happened to me before I started disallowing second date requests until he went home, thought about it, and decided he really wanted to go out wiht me. Doesn’t that blow the theory of how quickly he follows up for another date out the window? Or is is just me?

8. JimmyE Sep 13th 2007 at 11:59 pm 8

   Shari. I used to try and arrange dates at the end of the evening. I stopped because the answer was ALWAYS yes, even though many backed out before the agreed date. I appreciate this. People need time to mull over a date in private. People don’t like rejecting a stranger face to face. People like to keep their options open.

   Far from contradicting Evan’s theory, so experience actually supports it. You can’t follow up on a date, whilst your still on the date. Its nice if someone wants to arrange plans at the end of a date, but i’d take any promises with a hefty grain of salt until their confirmed at least 24 hours later.

9. Adam Sep 14th 2007 at 06:42 pm 9

   I agree with most of what you wrote here…but there are exceptions. I’m a man and I definitely do not sleep with someone I’m not interested in. I don’t ever sleep around and I’m generally looking for love first, not sex. I know it’s rare to find a guy who feels that way but nonetheless…here I am…so we are out here…but I would agree that I’m probably in the 1 percentile on that one.

10. Shari Sep 15th 2007 at 05:24 am 10

    JimmyE – I think I could agree with what you said about rejection in context to those things that happened to me, but I wasn’t the one asking them, and they weren’t the ones saying “yes” then backing out one me. They were the ones asking me. My conclusion is that, at that time, I was their best option for next Saturday night – or whenever the date may have been. But then a better option came to them and they traded up. Quite a few of these guys who broke second dates before they happened would contact me a few weeks later and ask for that second date again. I didn’t say yes, just agreed with whatever their reason had been for breaking the second date – you’re right, there is no chemistry, there is no spark, I didn’t think about you constantly while we were apart – or whatever.

    In my deduction I blame the Internet for this and not a gender, or even personality type. There are too many options and some people – not going to qualify this to guys or girls – don’t want to tie themselves to this person who seems okay, when someone else comes around who might be better.

11. Mary Sep 15th 2007 at 07:34 am 11

    Hey Adam-

    Where do you live?

12. Mel Sep 21st 2007 at 05:59 pm 12

    I went on a “great date” after some marathon phone conversations with this guy. We hit it off great on the phone, so we were excited to meet each other, and we seemed to hit it off great in person, too. We did not sleep together that night, though we certainly fooled around quite a bit, and knew we both wanted each other. He called the next day, and 2 days after that. On that 2nd phone call, we didn’t make plans for the weekend (it was only Monday) but I just (wrongly, apparently) assumed it was understood we would be together that next weekend. When we got off the phone he said we’d speak during that week. I never heard from him again! I would have been much more prepared if I hadn’t heard from him after the night we went out, but c’mon, guys, why 2 more phone calls and then the vaporizing act? He still goes online, I have seen him. I did take that one personally at first, but over the course of the last 2 weeks came to realize it has nothing to do with me at all and everything to do with his issues. Still, it is frustrating.

13. kk Sep 27th 2007 at 10:28 pm 13

    If I just want sex, I have sex. If I want a LTR , I hold off on the sex until I feel confident we are going somewhere. At least that’s the new leaf I’m turning over! This is after being dumped with no warning 8 weeks into a relationship with someone I met online— and who I saw every weekend- and talked to a lot …I realized that I’m just sick of making myself that vulnerable before I even know the person properly.. This means less sex , but less annoyance and heartbreak, and, lets face it, less random squalor too! I’m 12 weeks or so into the new regime, lets see how it goes!

14. Geek Dating Mar 6th 2008 at 01:31 am 14

    I think some of you are underestimating most men. Sure there will always be the odd sleaze bag who is only after sex, but the majority of decent guys view sex as a bonus to a relationship, not the be all and end all.

15. Colette Jun 9th 2008 at 08:30 pm 15

    I have to appreciate the brutal honesty of Evan’s response. Evan, I recognize that you’ve changed and I think by publishing the truth you’re doing a great service.

    Apparently there are a few girls capable of what Evan says guys do, but my guess is only a very very few, and half of those girls are lying to themselves. That’s what makes the whole idea so successful. There may actually only be a smallish portion of men who act this way, but they are quite active and are a real factor in the prolific dating scene of the 21st century. I happen to think there are plenty of guys who don’t think that just dating for the sake of sexual activity is okay if it’s going to hurt someone’s feelings… they just don’t need to date as often because they actually want to get to know that first awesome girl they take out. This is really important to point out, because otherwise a girl could come away from this post feeling pretty bleak about the goodness of most men.

    What Evan is saying is that on one hand you have girls, and sometimes guys too, who are having a fabulous time on a date because they are so excited that they’ve finally met someone who’s smart, funny, polite, sexy, a good listener, and who would be a great person to have around in life; while on the other hand you have some guys (and a very very few girls) who are having just as much of a fabulous time, and seem to be just as giddy, for the simple reason that they see a decent likelihood of having sex, maybe even that night. Apparently the likelihood of having sex is so intoxicating that the mere thought makes everything that happens that evening just delightful. These guys tell themselves that they are not being shallow because if the girl puts out for a few months without expecting to hear from him very often, he is reserving the right eventually to have feelings for her – this is called the “grey” area. This is also called “just being a guy.”

    Part of me can’t decide if I – a single girl looking for a real connection – really want to know this. The next time I’m out with an attractive guy who is just effortlessly beaming at every word I say, I’ll have the insider’s knowledge not to take this necessarily as a special moment in my life. Sure, it could be that he feels he’s found his new best friend. It could also be that he’s just sublimely psyched to get laid. If the prospect is that all-consuming, then I guess I can see why it would take no pretending at all to display such excitement.

    Evan mentions that guys and girls seem to be having a lot more sex with strangers. Call me crazy, but that doesn’t seem like such a good thing. I think there are a lot of fair reasons for it – girls are more liberated and there’s less stigma for a woman to be sexually active (and amen to that). Also, people are waiting much longer to get married, which means a lot more time to figure out what they’re looking for in and out of bed. It also means a lot more time and a lot more women with which men can practice the art of the delightfully meaningless date. I just don’t think many women have caught up with that idea yet – after all, the pill has only been around for about 50 years. Before then, we couldn’t afford to take the risk of falling for meaningless delight. That’s nice that now we can control the physical risks of sex with someone who’s on the way out the door – but we still need to account for the emotional risks, which are much more real for women than men (read up on oxytocin, girls). Maybe men would have to be more grounded in what they expect out of a date if the likelihood of sex with no strings wasn’t so high, and if women would wise up and get back to the practice of not hooking up with guys they might fall for unless they’ve gotten some commitment (in other words, Evan’s readership needs to skyrocket). This doesn’t mean undoing the feminist movement and saying no to sex, it just means taking 30 seconds to clarify that neither of the two involved will be seeing other people.

    Meanwhile, I think it would be an impressive next step in the evolutionary process if these sex-addicted guys would leave their caves and join modern men who see women as fellow modern human beings and not just heartless pairs of boobs. And to the nice guys who get this already: stop high-fiving your buddy who just bagged the nice cute girl who adores him. He’s a prick. You know you don’t want to be him. Maybe you should tell him so.

16. Needtomention Jul 28th 2008 at 12:48 pm 16

    Look sometimes women can have sex with no feeling involved to the person they are having sex with, and a woman can have sex with someone because of feelings of love and emotion. I was one of those women who wanted to wait until I was married to have sex – I had two serious boyfriends without ever doubting that and we never went that far. In the 3rd relationship, we were serious and neither of us had had sex before and talked about it beforehand. I always think that if you can’t talk about it, you aren’t ready to do it. I felt ready and did it – only to find out from him months later that he only began dating me for that reason. It didnt matter to me at that point, that his feelings had evolved and he did love me and want to be with me, his initial intention in dating me was simply to get laid. He knew how important it was to me, how big of a step it was for me, and yet he still told me this fact. What was the point of that? We ended up still having a long term and fulfilling relationship emotionally, but after i found that out, our sex life was never the same and mostly functional. To keep this rambling story shorter, I did eventually break it off and it took me a year to get over it – but sex became a thing connectes soley with those feelings and him and I need to end that in my head. So I met a incredibly hot guy in town on vacation and had instant chemistry with him, and ended up having sex with him, making him my second. I don’t regret it the least and never saw him after that night – and I dont have negative feelings attached to it – only happiness that sex could finally be a positive experience for me. Sometimes a one night stand is what the doctor ordered.

17. hunter Jul 29th 2008 at 06:13 pm 17

    posts #15 & 16#

    ..good posts, my applause!…

18. yoyo Sep 28th 2008 at 06:27 am 18

    I always say if you want a realtionship cool and if you don’t move on… I will do the same if I’m interested in a guy and he acts like he is not ready for a relationship. We can’t wait for a men to decide what they want…

19. Hadley Paige Sep 29th 2008 at 04:15 am 19

    Collete #15 writes: ” if women would wise up and get back to the practice of not hooking up with guys they might fall for unless they’ve gotten some commitment. . . This doesn’t mean undoing the feminist movement and saying no to sex, it just means taking 30 seconds to clarify that neither of the two involved will be seeing other people. ”

    While this information may be wise to obtain for women seeking an LTR & an efficient way to get there, my suspicion is that this “30 second clarification” raised on a first date would lead in to a significant percentages of first dates also being the last date; Or if “clarified” prior to acceptance of a first date, would lead to a cancellation of the first date in a significant percentage of cases. I suspect that in this modern dating environment where women go out with men who picked them up; or have casually met, that women will just have to put the time in to find out what that man is truly like and run those risks (or go back to introductions from trusted friends, relatives and associates).

20. sapphire Nov 9th 2008 at 11:53 pm 20

    I don’t think relationships are better after premarital sex… Premarital sex is adultry…because adultry affects your relationship in the future… You should try not to concentrate The relationship on sex much at all…in the end relationships hold on to what you’ve built from the relationship…you don’t need permarital sex to assure your relationship just as it seems that you need to be reassured by a stupid phone call after sex…tell your stupid boyfriend to begin to start waiting for sex until after marriage, because first you have to build a different type of relationship like trust (which will help women give themselves to their boyfriends wholly, especially after marriage) and compatibility….then sex will be great and trust will keep you from getting worried … There is more to this but I can’t think much more because I have other things in mind peach out

21. hunter Nov 11th 2008 at 08:05 am 21

    on post #20

    Adultery is defined as, the sex act of, either one or both partners married(not to each other), engaging in sexual intercourse.

22. hunter Nov 11th 2008 at 08:08 am 22

    If you want to hang with the crowd, you have to know the lingo!…..LOL!….They’ll see you coming!…

23. moonsical Nov 11th 2008 at 05:40 pm 23

    This is an easy one: don’t sleep with someone you aren’t already in relationship with. I haven’t had this problem for decades…actually, maybe not ever.

    moon

24. scorchin' Jan 16th 2009 at 05:17 am 24

    Why is is the girls always seem to be waiting for the guy to call after sex. Girls- if you want to talk to the guy you just laid, call him. Whats the big deal?

25. JaneD Jan 19th 2009 at 06:35 am 25

    I really dont know what is wrong with my dates but it doesnt metter if I sleep with a guy or not they usually lose their interest pretty quick! I consider myself somewhat attractive woman with a distinguished taste for style and fashion.I meet most men online due to the nature of my job and because Im not very socialy active! I am starting to believe that online dating is a huge deception because a person,or at least me start to like the other person I talk to for week or two , we share interesting conversation and it seem that we would “click” in person as well and then when I finaly meet that person even if he shows affection and interest on the first date its gonna turn out disastrous in the near future and unfortunately it always does for me.I become the abandoned one..for what reason I never know! I am starting to believe that this just might be my destiny but I dont want to be the only passenger on the boat that is slowly sinking down because I know there should be a great guy out there that is genuine and real!!

26. hunter Jan 19th 2009 at 11:25 am 26

    Jane D, I’d prefer not to date co-workers, (because of messy experiences) but, according to census, I believe it is, almost 60% of “shipping while relating,”(relationships), happen at work.

27. Sayanta Jan 19th 2009 at 12:06 pm 27

    Adam-

    Call me.

28. Karl R Jan 20th 2009 at 09:37 am 28

    JaneD said: (#25)
    “I am starting to believe that online dating is a huge deception”
    “its gonna turn out disastrous in the near future and unfortunately it always does for me.”
    “I become the abandoned one..for what reason I never know!”
    “I am starting to believe that this just might be my destiny”

    I have several questions. How does your dating turn out to be “disastrous”? I’ve had a number of dates through online dating. The “worst” outcomes were, “I don’t think you’re the type of person I’m looking for.” That doesn’t even qualify as a bad outcome. These women probably weren’t the type I was looking for either, and they were perceptive enough to figure it out before I was. That’s just the normal odds at work.

    How does an online date “abandon” you? Do they take you on a date, then strand you with no way to get home? If not, what are they doing that you feel qualifies as abandonment? Is it just that they’re breaking up with you or failing to call you again?

    I can see two possibilities for what might be happening with your dating.

    #1 You’re managing to date a lot of abusive and horrible men, and your dates turn out to be disasters. If this is the case, you might want to examine what it is that draws you to this type of man. Once you start dating nice, considerate men, your dates will be much better … even if your dating still doesn’t lead to a long-term relationship.

    #2 You have adopted an attitude where you see yourself as the perpetual victim. If a man isn’t interested enough to want to pursue a relationship, you view it as “abandonment” or “disastrous”. You believe the universe has somehow singled you out to have a lonely, loveless life. If this is your attitude toward dating, you’re going to drive any high-quality men away. The only men who will be attracted to this attitude are victimizers who are drawn to victims.

    I have two pieces of advice that might help you:

    Change your expectations:
    Let’s say only 1 in 5 of the women that I contact end up going on a first date with me. Let’s say that only 1 in 5 of my first dates ends up becoming a long term relationship. If that’s the case, 96% of the women I contact don’t become long-term girlfriends. That sounds like lousy odds, doesn’t it?

    But I only need one long-term girlfriend. So if I contact one new woman per week, it will take me around 6 months to get into a long-term relationship. I just have to put in the time and effort, and it will become a reality. That’s rather encouraging.

    Change your attitude:
    I go on a date with the intention of enjoying myself and getting to know the lady better. If I succeed in doing both of those, it’s a good date. Even if I decide that I don’t want to date the lady again (or she decides that she never wants to date me again), it was still a good first date.

    It’s still possible that I could have a disastrous date (the lady steals my wallet, or she’s unspeakably rude to me and everyone around), but it hasn’t happened yet.

    As a final suggestion, you might want to become more socially active. Socially active people have interesting things going on in their lives. That makes them more interesting people. Interesting people get more dates.

29. Sayanta Jan 20th 2009 at 10:18 am 29

    “its gonna turn out disastrous in the near future and unfortunately it always does for me.”

    Actually, I have a small anecdote about this- I met a guy online a while ago- he e-mailed me to say ‘u free tonight’ just like that. Now, I like it when a guy gives me a little notice, so I said, maybe sometime next week instead. He did the ‘u free tonite’ thing twice and then got the hint and we planned for something the following weekend.

    We met at a bar- the guy had a scowl on his face for some reason (he was friendly over the phone). I couldn’t imagine why, but I just tried easing into friendly conversation. oh my god, for an hour (I can’t believe I stayed that long, but I’d ordered food, which he didn’t offer to pay for either) all he did was complain about every single thing that’s wrong with life, not in a whiny way, but an angry way, like he wanted to punch someone. Every time I tried to say something pleasant, he tried to pick a fight with me! Then a neighbor of his happened to show up at the bar- this is a college town- and the guy turned away and acted like he didn’t know me until the neighbor had left. Yes, this was a female neighbor, but she was with her boyfriend. They kept looking at me, surprised probably, that I was putting up with this guy.

    Anyway, I left five minutes after that. The guy actually looked surprised that I was leaving!

    The reason I bring this up is because it turned me off of online dating for months. Only because the guy had been pleasant on the phone. So I thought, if I’m going to get a nasty surprise like this every time I go out, forget this whole business. Yech.

30. Sayanta Jan 20th 2009 at 10:20 am 30

    “This is an easy one: don’t sleep with someone you aren’t already in relationship with.”

    lol- well, I totally agree with you there, as you’ve prob’y figured out from my other posts. But the thing is, the guys aren’t going want relationships unless we sleep with them first.

31. Sayanta Jan 20th 2009 at 10:23 am 31

    “Socially active people have interesting things going on in their lives. That makes them more interesting people. Interesting people get more dates.”

    I would MUCH prefer to meet men through a venue other than online dating- but unfortunately, the kind of interests I have- art gallery tours, museums, plays, etc. only attract other women.

    At least I have a ton of female friends to hang out with though.

32. Maria Feb 17th 2009 at 02:41 pm 32

    I appreciate this post as I have had a similar experience and wanted to share. I have probably met over 30 men from online dating sites over the past year, and that is after e-mail and phone screenings and trying to be “particular.” Of the thirty or so in person meet-ups (which I do not classify as a date), i have only gone out on multiple dates with one man that I felt there was enough chemistry and potential. Sure enough by the third actual date, the guy brought me a gift, and our marathon date ended at 2am following swapping a massage and what I considered great sex. He said and did all the right things to get it to that point, and yet following our third date I received a text message from him the following day to say he had a great time and hope I was having a great day. Just as Evan suggested, no call and no making plans to see me again. I knew darn well I could phone him and initiate more nights of passion (secretely I wanted to because the sex was good, and I do have needs.) However, I did not and am not going to pursue it because it is obvious he’s just not that into me, and my goal is a long term relationship. It’s a little heartbreaking because its hard enough to meet someone you like enough to go there with, and when its not mutual (or mutual enough) it stings. But, that is dating for you. I must accept and move on. Thanks everyone for this thread, it helps to know I’m not alone.

33. hunter Feb 17th 2009 at 05:30 pm 33

    Maria, you met 30 men from online dating sites. Good for you!…

34. Maria Feb 17th 2009 at 09:53 pm 34

    I have! I unfortuantely havent met the right one yet, but not for lack of putting in the time and effort. I go through phases where I meet two or three and then meet no one for a couple weeks. I am getting more discerning and particular as it still requires alot of effort/time to prepare for and attend a date. Initially I was getting my feet wet after a 10 year marriage, now they have to be date worthy.

35. Em Jul 31st 2009 at 06:19 pm 35

    To Adam, you sound wonderful! That said, I actually find it kind of exciting that men are so sex driven. It’s just that I wish more of them could have sex while also being excited about the woman, about the possibility of falling in love with her. We need more men like you, in any case!

36. InaccessibleRail Nov 20th 2009 at 03:13 pm 36

    Sayanta #30- This isn’t true! There are some guys who won’t continue to date if you don’t put out on the first date, but guess what? Those guys usually wind up being one night stands anyways. (And I know this-I was in the greek system at a university, and here were a lot of my friends dating the same guys I had gone out with- a lot of them had their hearts broken by the guys who didn’t see me again after I didn’t put out on the first night. Trust me, you will weed out some guys by not putting out early on, but theyre the same ones who would eliminate THEMSELVES early on AFTER sleeping with you. All you lose is the feeling of emptiness after giving your body to someone who could give a s— less.
     
    Also, I should probably mention that this approach doesn’t leave me “dateless”.  In fact, I really don’t have to date much at all, I tend to just go from one LTR to another. Yeah,. there are no guarantees, and none of those have resulted in marriage (there’s just no way to tell until youve put in the time), but they’ve all given me the unique and wonderful experiene of being COURTED by them, as opposed to the generally homogenous experience of just having a one-night stand.
     
    So yeah, wait until you’re in a relationship. I made this  one wait until 30 days AFTER we got into a relationship, and so far things are going great!

37. Sayanta Nov 20th 2009 at 05:22 pm 37

    #36-

    You’ve given me hope, sister…

38. Shil Dec 29th 2009 at 06:47 am 38

    I’ve always been the one to tell my friends not to put out on the first date if they expect to see the guy again. I have one friend in particular who has gone from heartbreak to heartbreak because she kept on sleeping with men as soon as they made it clear that’s what they want. She ends up being the one leaving unanswered messages, drunk calling wondering why it went wrong. Well, it happened to me. I’ve always been in a relationship. My last lasted two years. I think it’s mainly because I only used to hook up with men who pursed me enough to get me interested. Otherwise I always kept away from men who seemed too eager as it was always a put off for me. I like men to work for my attention. I broke up with my ex because I was moved to another country in a company transfer. We both didn’t want a long distance relationship so we ended just ended it. After two months, I haven’t met anyone because all I do was work, work so I haven’t made any new friends. So on Christmas day I went for a party that had more men than the ladies. Soon I was getting a lot of attention and I was really enjoying it. The guys who were there were friends of my cousin and he warned me not to get close to any of them because they didn’t have the best habits. But I hadn’t had sex in a while so I ignored him and gave out my number to a lot of them. I only really liked one of them but he made it clear that he just wanted to take me to bed immediately so I avoided him. Sadly, the really good looking one had a girlfriend who was there with him. My cousin took me home when I started to get a bit tipsy. The next day most of them called but I wasn’t quite sure who was who because I hadn’t saved any of their numbers and am very bad with names. Especially foreign sounding ones. One guy sounded really good and insisted on coming over to my place to check on me. I was bored and wanted company so I invited him over. I kinda thought I was sure I knew who it was. It ended up being the guy with the girlfriend. We got to talking and he kept denying that she was his woman although I knew it was. One thing for sure, we had this mad sexual chemistry and the next thing I know we had sex. Immediately after he said he had to leave. I knew that was the only reason he had come and I was pretty much ok with it because hey! I got laid and that’s what I really wanted. He called me a few hours later we talked a bit and he said he’d call me the next day. He hasn’t called since. Thing is I fell for him and haven’t stopped thinking about him. I didn’t think I would fall for him because I really dislike men who cheat on their girlfriends especially in a very open manner. It’s probably the loneliness or the lust but I know one thing for sure I might never even see him again. It’s pretty simple if you like a guy don’t put out on the first date. Am pretty sure even if I didn’t he would probably have tried again a couple of times and maybe just given up along the way. If a man really likes you then sex is not the only thing on his mind. My mother told me if a man likes you he will cross the oceans and seas to be with you no excuses will ever be made. If he is just not that into you, he just ain’t. I know from speaking to my male friends that men like to imagine the woman he is with is a virgin in some sense. And if she comes off as easy in any way that is a sure turn off! Women are always the losers.

39. Anna Jan 9th 2010 at 07:16 pm 39

    What if I only want to have sex with him again?

    I met this guy who is 10 years older than me ( I am 25) and asked me out.  I knew already he was not interested in a LTR, but we both felt really attracted to each other and had sex. After doing it,  he described in detail how satisfied he was, and so was I.

    We were both out of town for the Holidays, but he sent a couple of messages without saying he wanted to meet again. 

    My question is, should I interpret that he would be willing to have sex with me again? If so, should I wait for him to call or does the waiting applies also for sex buddies? I just don’t want him to think that I am super enthusiastic for initiating a relation and ruin my possibilities of having sex with him again just because I am making the first move.

      

     

40. Kenley Jan 10th 2010 at 10:26 am 40

    Anna,
    If all you truly want to be is sex buddies, then waiting does not apply.   He is not trying to win you over and vice versa.  You both already know that you only want sex.  So,  you are well with in your “rights” to give him a booty call.  Just make certain that a sex buddy is all you want him to be.   If you are thinking about him and worrying about his feelings and what he might think about you, he is not good booty call material.  The primary reason men like to have booty calls is because they are basically no maintenance encounters.  They don’t care about the woman or think about her until they want sex.  That’s how you have to approach it as well. If you can’t in general or with this man in particular, you really aren’t a good candidate for casual hook ups.  I don’t think there needs to be any shame either way.  But just understand what you are getting into.

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