Comments on: How Do You Know That YOU’RE Not Going to Be Unfaithful? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/ Wed, 22 May 2013 18:56:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Saint Stephen http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-210251 Saint Stephen Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:45:10 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-210251 @Jenny Wren-
Are you still married to this man?
You must be very brave to stick with this man in the very face of dishonesty, unfaithfulness, lies and insincerity.
I’m no relationship expert- but in case you harbor the feeling of making your marriage work, you can look around you and try to see what have changed over the years.
Maybe if you have added some pounds- you can work out a bit and look for ways to “rekindle” your sex life. And the both of you will also need to have a deep seated conversation to see if you can smoothing up the rough edges of your marriage.
 
-Good luck which ever way you choose…

]]> By: Jenny Wren http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-210226 Jenny Wren Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:04:37 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-210226 My husband has an exhausting job, works long hours and feels angry and resentful about it. Being married is just another boring chore with unwelcome demands. He would really rather be on his own even in a caravan without me or the children. He has just had enough of other people altogether so he refuses all intimacy and says sex has long ago turned into a boring chore which he has refused to even talk about for years. But last September he stopped off in Thailand with the express purpose of using prostitutes and he tells me that he had about 7 or 8 in three days. On his next trip he did the same but met a shop girl who became the object of intense romantic fantasies. He showered her with money, gifts and promises of monthly maintenance. He planned trips to Italy and france, called her his princess and said how hot she was and how he couldn’t wait to be together. He arranged the best five star secluded hotel getaway with private pools for naked bathing. Then her husband found out and she had to call it off. I had already found out and begged him not to fly half way round the world to Thailand to take her on this romantic holiday, but when I begged, it made no difference. It was only her husband finding out that made the plan fall through. Within a week he was abroad again for work, this time another continent, another prostitute, but this one he invited to accompany him on a ten day luxury road trip. A slip of the tongue during a phone conversation with me, when he spoke of ‘we’ checking into a hotel, meant that he thought I’d guessed what he was doing so he confessed it all to me when his trip was finished. What I genuinely don’t understand is why he wants all this, with his lies and the girls’ insincerities, rather than a real connection with a passionate and pretty wife who loves and desires him.

]]> By: b http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-204336 b Sat, 19 Nov 2011 05:16:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-204336 Evan, from experience Ive learned that men cheat whether their girlfriend or wife makes them feel good or not. Ive known men who have the nicest girlfriend/wife, the most coolest, the most supportive woman YET they cheat nevertheless. Often times its not about her or how she makes him feel, its how he feels. Men are very selfish beings, all humans are, but men on a much larger scale than women. We can see this in most cultures, society, human history, and even when you examine animals. Most males are prone to think of themselves first, thus as you mention, they are maximizers. 

From my own experiences, I get hit on by MANY MANY taken men and am absolutely astonish to find that often times these men have very “happy” wives/girlfriend. Men are like babies, they want what they want, often not realizing what they can lose in the process. I can examine this in my nephews, ANYTHING that can excite and make them feel good, they will want it immediately…often times not realizing it comes at a cost. But my nieces even at young ages, as women are, are indefinitely more complex as they process more in their mind before acting.

]]> By: Cheating Girlfriend http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-13059 Cheating Girlfriend Mon, 25 Aug 2008 15:32:01 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-13059 Well she did it, she cheated. I still can't believe it.

]]> By: Jenny http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-640 Jenny Fri, 07 Sep 2007 04:01:09 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-640 I am recently seperated from a 9yr marriage. I ended it as I was finding after 9 yrs of being good and saying ” I would leave before I cheated” I found my head turning and often being attracted to other men. I never looked until the last 2 yrs of my marriage, I was married in my mind and heart, then I started to stray, started going out without him alot. And a year ago I met Justin in a town 45 minutes away, my old hometown. I was 34 he was 26, I felt old and unattractive as a married mom of two, so to have someone young and so cute flirt was me was a huge ego boost. I never flirted, but as a married woman I probly shouldnt have gone to an after bar party where I met him to begin with, my 20 yr old niece liked him alot and was very upset her OLD aunt was stealing him. Now I must say I was honest told him I was married but unhappily, he was fresh out of a marriage and she had cheated on him and he was against cheating, I gave him my email and he gave me his number, we spoke a few times and a few emails and my niece caused issues she was so jeolous, we stopped talking because of lies she told us, so did I cheat because we emailed and talked a few times, and I found him to be cute, I never even hugged him? So we stopped speaking and 11 months later I see him at bar in same town we met, I go to that town to get away from hubby, we were on path to divorce for awhile, so I went out to get girl time without him. Again even though marriage is ending I didnt hug Justin, but my thoughts were naughty and he tryed…Will I become a cheater? I have always been very against it, always swore I would end a relationship before I cheated…And I did. Oh and so you know I tryed to leave marriage for past 2 1/2 yrs hubby kept convincing me to stay and financially my job sucked I couldnt leave and finding new job wasnt going anywhere either in small town. But my lovely niece was mad at me and told my husband about Justin even though it was a year ago and nothing happened, and now I have been labeled a cheater, it bugs me, I didnt even hug him. My husband was very jeolous and if I closed my email as he walked in the room I was cheating on him, I closed the screen cause i was talking to a guy, hen really I was done reading my email… I am now seperated and moved to the town I met Justin in, but behaving have not seen him yet, rethinking that one, I am 35 he is now 27, but I think he is too young for me. But I just left husband a week ago and only been in town a week, our paths will cross, we go to the same bar, I am trying to behave and staying home for a few weeks before the newly single girl goes out, give me time to be alone and get head on straight, although I am very happy to be single, ending marriage was mutual, were not fighting, better friends then lovers. Do I have cheater blood in me, because I thought and looked at other men, or is it because after years of boring sex that only lasted 2 minutes and he is only one that enjoys it, did I finally get sick of it and start wanting more? Is it because sometimes you just dont marry mr. right, or does mr. right exist? For some he does, will we ever have what grandma and grandpa had in todays world, with so many divorcing? AM I doomed to be like my family, is it in my blood, sister on hubby 2, mom divorced from number 3, and dad is on wife 5 if you dont count that he married my mom twice thne it would be 6, is that my future…

]]> By: chris nussbaum http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-616 chris nussbaum Thu, 06 Sep 2007 02:21:51 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-616 Our heads are chock full of so much bullshit, its hard to figure out what we as individuals really want sometimes. When you work too much, overboil with stress, strive, strive, strive, and feel overwhelmed in your life, an affair looks and feels like a vacation, a getaway, a place where you need not deal with a daunting and exhausting reality. That’ sthe main attraction — a getaway from reality.

So – take more true vacations. Set boundaries at work, and commit to more time off. Take your partner with you, and hold onto what’s good and satisfying and relaxing. Shitcan what doesn’t fit in. You won’t need an affair, you’ll feel better, and your partner will draw closer.

Trust me, it works.

]]> By: Carrie Freeman http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-433 Carrie Freeman Sat, 25 Aug 2007 00:50:47 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-433 Having sex with the same person for 50 years is only boring if you let it be. Call me crazy here, but there is something completely wonderful and amazing about having a partner who knows how to make you scream, who knows what buttons to push, who knows how to tease and play just the way you like it. Developing a wandering eye, or hand is (in my humble opionion) a sign that you are not trying to re-invest yourself. You have allowed youself to become “bored”, or as I normally put it, you just got LAZY. Relationships, the long ones, the BIG ones, require WORK, every day for the rest of your life. :) You can’t just forget there is someone who loves you, depends on you, needs you and trusts you. Make a choice, don’t let others chose for you. You chose to cheat, then have at it, but please, do it AFTER you let your partner know!! After all, if you can’t stand by your choice, then you are making the wrong choice.

]]> By: Lanie http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-322 Lanie Wed, 08 Aug 2007 22:44:07 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-322 Regarding your Rhodes Scholar-Supermodel-Top Chef desire. So if she is 28% Rhodes scholar, 28% Supermodel and 30% Top Chef, it looks like you’re doing really well. Can you expect to get more than 96%. That’s still and A by educational standards!

Also, is that what most men really want? Or just you? and if so, do you have a brother!? And is he a Rhodes Scholar-Zoolander-Top Chef?Cause I’d love me a guy well dressed man who can sear a foie gras while reciting great Lit or historical facts about the development of the western world an it’s impact…oh who cares. If he’s smart it’s hot! :P

]]> By: The Exception http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-275 The Exception Fri, 03 Aug 2007 17:17:02 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-275 I tend to believe that people aren’t truly ready for a committed, long term relationship until they have lived a bit and know themselves – like really late 20′s and older. I suppose I feel that one has a better idea of what love is and what will make a marriage work.

That said, I am not sure that monogamy is truly possible. Yes, there are men and women that do it. I am a monogamous person, but I am also not against the idea of taking “cheating” off the table by simply saying, you tell me about it and I am okay with that.

The infidelity, in my case, is the lying and loss of trust over anything that is done physically. I can accept curiosity, an interest in someone else, hormonal/biological/chemical response. I can accept that the idea of sleeping with the same person for fifty years can get boring. These are all issues that can be accepted.

I can not accept dishonesty and lying.

Why can’t we set realistic expectations for marriage and one another? Is it a realistic expectation to sleep with the same person for decades without venturing out? If you are married in your early twenties? Even if you are married in your thirties your marriage could last 50 years if not longer. Marriages in my family are truly life long experiences.

]]> By: BeenThruTheWars http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/comment-page-1/#comment-273 BeenThruTheWars Fri, 03 Aug 2007 16:20:14 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-your-relationship-can-break-up-due-to-cheating-and-infidelity/#comment-273 I’ve read books where the author advocates sticking with a relationship if it’s 51% good. To me, that’s settling… putting more faith in scarcity than in abundance. My personal cutoff was 80% good — moving on when I could see early on that criteria was not being met — and I wound up with my own personal version of 93%. Any time I find myself looking askance at the dirty socks on the hall floor I remind myself how grateful I am every time he scoops the cat box without my even asking. Any time I get impatient with his smoking, I remember that, “Hey — he doesn’t nag me about my eating, even though I could stand to lose weight.” I automatically look at the flip side of the annoyance: What does my partner do that’s wonderful? What do I get from my partner I’ve never gotten from anyone else? What do I do that I’m quite sure drives him insane, yet he doesn’t complain about? Do I occasionally look at another guy and think, “Whoa, is he ever hot”? Yep. Do I ever look at Hot Guy and think, “Hey, baby, come to Mama”? Nope. I can appreciate beauty (hotness) in the abstract without having to “own” it. It’s enough for me to look at Brad Pitt without wanting more. Deep contentedness and being happy with what you have — in my case, a marriage that is blissful 93% of the time — is its own reward.

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