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You ever go out with a guy who is completely clueless?
He starts talking about his evil ex on your first date.
He rambles on about his latest boring business deal.
He flirts with the waitress a little too much.
Truly, it’s easy to find fault with male behavior. Guys are really easy targets.
But a man’s ability to court says nothing of his ability to be a good husband and father.
So before we dismiss every guy who does something stupid, let’s consider how to make the most of dating. Not every clueless guy is a bad guy, I promise you.
Once you learn how to bring out the best in him, you can transform a frog into a prince.
As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women, I hear all sorts of stories about male misbehavior. My clients are very passionate about the ways in which they’ve been disappointed by men. And I don’t blame them.
Lots of guys suck.
Not every clueless guy is a bad guy, I promise you.
But not all of them.
And if you find that every flaw that a guy could have is a potential deal breaker, you’ve pretty much ensured that no man could qualify to be your partner.
That’s not what you want. So how can you make a slight adjustment, without losing yourself, without “settling”?
Liza is in her late thirties and has been frustrated by what she perceives as an overall male cluelessness. No guy is chivalrous enough. No guy is successful enough. No guy is interesting enough. No guy follows up in the right way. In short, no guy can please her.
Before working with me, Liza would go out on date after date, hating the process, dissecting the men, and wondering what’s wrong with all of the guys in her city.
Then I asked her a tough question.
“Why are you focusing on only your date’s negative qualities?”
“Well, what else am I supposed to focus on?” she replied. “He’s supposed to pay for my dinner. He’s supposed to pick me up. He’s supposed to tell me I’m attractive. Why should I reward him for just doing what he’s supposed to do?”
“I suppose you can look at it that way”, I said. “But what if he focused exclusively on your negative qualities?”
“Like what?” Liza replied, with a laugh.
“I don’t know. Maybe you could tell me. If I were to talk to all of your ex-boyfriends, what do they know about you that I might not?
“Well, I can be a little bit judgmental. I also have kind of a short temper.”
Liza paused, thinking this through, deciding how much to reveal.
“I don’t enjoy crowds, concerts or malls. I tend to obsess about my work. I’m not always the cheeriest or most optimistic person in the world.”
“Fair enough…Anything else?”
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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