Comments on: How To Worship A Woman Without Freaking Her Out

By: Kali

Kali — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:36:55 +0000

A mental shrine may be a more practical solution. Thinking about that special someone often and thinking of ways to make their day better, make them smile, or make them love you more is “shrine” enough for most women. There are those select few that would love to be the center of a man’s world. Unfortunetly, those women don’t seem to stand on their own. An average woman would be turned off by this but maybe that’s not the type of woman he is looking for. Thinking about it from all stand points I’m sure their is a woman out there for a man like this it’s just not 99.99% of us.

By: John

John — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 05:34:36 +0000

Divine feminine my foot. What about divine masculine?

By: Ruby

Ruby — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:50:48 +0000

I think some people are taking the idea of “worship” too literally, and believe it’s more about celebration than actual worship or fetishization of the female. We are so used to fetishization of the female body in our culture, used to being told, as women, that we should worship men or even a (male) god in general, so maybe that was an unfortunate word choice. My reading is that Ardagh is talking about celebrating the feminine spirit as a way of attaining deeper understanding of it, and as a way for men to draw it closer into their lives.

Ardagh did post a response to his original article which offers some clarification: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arjuna-ardagh/response-to-the-435-comme_b_665815.html

By: Ellen

Ellen — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:14:58 +0000

This guy’s orientation is entirely spiritual and shouldn’t be confused with a fetish or putting someone on a pedastal or anything else. He just FEELS the woman’s life force/spiritual power, which is different from a man’s in some ways (we give birth for one thing). Here’s what my favorite spiritual guide (Meher Baba) says about marriage and the opposite sex:

In the beginning of married life the partners are drawn to each other by lust as well as love, but with conscious and deliberate cooperation they can gradually lessen the element of lust and increase the element of love. Through this process of sublimation lust ultimately gives place to deep love. By the mutual sharing of joys and sorrows the partners march on from one spiritual triumph to another, from deep love to ever deeper love, till the possessive and jealous love of the initial period is entirely replaced by a self-giving and expansive love. In fact, through the intelligent handling of marriage a person may traverse so much of the spiritual path that it needs only a touch by the Master to raise him into the sanctuary of eternal life.

The last sentence kinda blows me away folks…

Meher Baba also once said people mistakenly think nuns and monks make all this spiritual progress when, really, prayers won’t take you far unless sincere (and how often are they sincere and NOT mechanical) and isolation is self defeating and it’s in MARRIAGE or a committed relationship that a lot of spiritual progress is made actually. So bitch about the institution all you like, it’s still a good way to progress spiritually. And we all progress spiritually whether we want to or not or are religious or ostensibly spiritual in our mien/outlook.

And about the opposite sex (what I call the Tarzan/Jane phenom):

The identification with the male-female polarity is the most powerful experience of duality, that we reincarnate as both male and female, and that sexual attraction is

a result of the effort which the mind makes to unite with its own unconscious part.

But a purely physical solution to compensate for fragmentation is impossible because,

paradoxical though it may seem, the form of the opposite sex prevents the true understanding of experience associated with the opposite sex.

By: Raymond Bork

Raymond Bork — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:52:21 +0000

Arjuna Ardagh has travelled a road more rarefied than mine. Elite school, then Cambridge University, and on to a spiritual journey of learning and teaching around the world.
He sees building a alter to the divine feminine, as I do in buying flowers for my wife, for no other reason than expressing my love. To which she usually replies, “what have you done now?”

By: SalsaQ

SalsaQ — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:23:03 +0000

We can’t read the author’s mind, and he does say some things that could be generally applicable:

[i]I discovered that the answer was, if I was was raw and vulnerable and uncomplicated, that it was actually not OK.[/i]

Being your true and authentic self, is a vital foundation a relationship.

[i]To move inwardly from one wall to the next requires that you intensify your capacity to devotion[/i]

Being dedicated to the relationship and to your partner is key to sustain a relationship, especially through tough times. I am walking the line of overinterpretation and assuming I know what Ardagh is thinking. He is not clear.

[i]When you learn how to pay attention to the essence of the feminine in this way,you fall to the floor in full body prostration, tears soaking your cheeks and clothes[/i]

This is worship, and as Sarahrahrahrah plainly put it, fetishization. If you want to ascribe a metaphorical meaning to that, remember with that approach you can make [i]anything[/i] written mean anything you like. Maybe Ardagh wrote ambiguously (i.e. poorly) assuming his largely western audience will somehow know what he really meant in his mind.

To me one message of the piece is [i]it doesn’t matter who the woman is, just that it is a woman and you are fully devoted to the divine feminine[/i].

Hinduism is pantheistic. Methinks he will be worshipping more than one goddess at a time in a few years. That is not the man I want.

By: Pamela Hawley

Pamela Hawley — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 06:13:02 +0000

I agree that human worship is not such a great thing… as it places too much importance on one human being and their capabilities. But I don’t think that is what is going on here….

I think we need to be aware of different ways of thinking… different modes of thought.. different cultures, and different practices.

Evan, I think you are viewing this from an American perspective. But I don’t believe the author is American. Worship means different things in different cultures.

If I try to see from his viewpoint, it seems he is honoring feminine qualities. These qualities have helped him grow spiritually, and strengthen as a developing individual. He is asking himself and others to honor what one currently hopes to have of this presence in your life, or be grateful if you have it.

It could also be called gratitude, prayer, mediation, thoughtfulness, positive consciousness…..

but the biggest point to me is not about worship.

It’s about being culturally aware, respecting different cultures, and striving to not come at everything from one viewpoint, in this case American.

Respectfully, Pamela

By: Dylan

Dylan — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:29:12 +0000

As a couple of people have pointed out here, there’s nothing technically wrong with worshipping a shrine of something, and as is often the case, cultural differences are an issue here.

But I think we can safely say (in general) that in the context of a relationship building physical shrines and worshipping them would sound the “RUN AWAY!” alarm in the head of MOST people reading this blog.

By: sarahrahrah!

sarahrahrah! — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 18:46:45 +0000

@ EMK
This will go down in history as one of your funniest posts! XD Great!

@ Sayanta – #9

I don’t think Mr. Ardagh is a Hindu, at least not in the traditional sense. If Wikipedia is to be believed, he was born Nicolas Ardagh, which sounds rather Celtic to me, and he lives in Nevada City, California, the Mecca of New Age/DIY religion in California.

Regardless, I also have a few problems with his article. First, he immediately volunteers himself for ridicule when he implores the reader to worship the Divine Feminine. First, this deity (person, place, thing?) is not a part of our general lexicon. What does it mean? Second, we live in a pluralistic society and one of the unwritten rules of relating well to others in this society is communicating in a belief-neutral manner. This simply means that you should automatically assume that your reader doesn’t share your belief system and you shouldn’t try to impose your belief system onto your readers. Imagine if the writer was a Catholic and implored his readers to pray to the Sacred Heart of Jesus twice a day in order to have one’s heart open to love. How many people would be up in arms over that? Or, better yet, a Muslim who implored the female readers to start wearing a hijab in order to get in touch with her feminine side? In my opinion, Evan wasn’t off base for criticizing Mr. Ardagh, who breached some critical rules of communicating in a public forum in our society. In my opinion, the article is fine for folks who believe in worshiping a “Divine Feminine,” but not for the rest of us.

However, the biggest complaint I have about Mr. Ardagh’s article and approach is the fetishization of women. He can call it the worship of the Divine Feminine; I call it obsession with the trappings of stereotypical feminine traits. I think this approach keeps men locked in a fantasy-driven approach to relationships and discourages intimacy. If one is always fixated on a woman’s ravishing beauty, her vagina, etc., etc., he just might miss the real person in there who wants to be loved as an individual— rather than a representative of his perceived “Divine Feminine.”

By: Robyn

Robyn — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 17:53:51 +0000

One thing to remember is that not everyone has the same needs when it comes to the expressions of “love” that really push their “happy button”. Gary Chapman wrote a superb book 15 years ago on this very topic (“The Five Love Languages”) and continues to publish updates to the original book (most recent edition published in 2010).

Champman explains the Five Love Languages as:
- Words of Affirmation:
If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc. Basically, they find ways to remind you that their world is a better place because you are in it.

- Acts of Service:
If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.

- Affection:
This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, snuggling, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language. Touch is very important to you.

- Quality Time:
This love language is about being together with your partner, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.

- Gifts:
The final love language is centered on the idea that your partner taking the time to think of you and give you a gift, no matter how small, is what makes you feel loved and appreciated.

For example, I personally value “Acts of Service” over “Words of Affirmation” – but @Susan (post #7 above) does not. I would say that Susan prefers “Affection” and “Words of Affirmation” over “Acts of Service”.

A truly loving partner is some one who takes the time and effort to find out what “love language(s)” you value the most, and then “speaks” those “languages” to you regularly and consistently.