Comments on: How You Can Transform Your Man on a First Date

By: K

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 00:12:52 +0000

@69 Before online dating every time someone kissed me on a date it meant we went on a second date. I didn’t date as frequently back then and perhaps they didn’t either. We usually had some sort of build up, i.e. friends set us up or we met in a bar. Post online dating world, I have been kissed by several guys that I never heard from again. Maybe they got caught up in the moment, maybe they thought I was hot, but not their type in other ways who knows. Generally I do not kiss someone I don’t plan on seeing again. I have kissed someone once because I hadn’t been on a date in awhile and I was just excited that it was a normal fun date. However, later feeling much more sober I recalled the details of the date and knew he wasn’t really my type. I also have kissed a really nice guy once because I wanted to like him. He was great in many ways, but I didn’t feel an attraction and thought okay if he goes for it I’ll kiss him back you never know. I didn’t enjoy it. So it happens. But I never kiss someone if I definitely don’t want to and definitely think I never want to see them again. By the way I am the kind of person who will drink out of my dates glass. That doesn’t mean I’m totally into them. It just means I’m comfortable with them at that moment.

By: Ruby

Ruby — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 22:09:46 +0000

I’ve never had to kiss someone as a “test” to see if there is chemistry, although maybe people who are big flirts do that. To me, you kiss someone because you feel already attracted to them. But a really bad kisser can affect the attraction I’m feeling in a negative way.

By: Ria

Ria — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 20:55:51 +0000

OK, this will be final comment on this thread.
lm giggleing on the inside re: your friend, H. Im sure he finds her attractive (should he meet her in person) and saying that he is not that into her (without meeting her in person) is probably not 100% objective.
However, on the other hand it should show the example, that what one might find attractive, another might not, which should be also a proof, that there is still light in the end of tunnel to meet new people (and be surprised in a positive way).

Have you seen a movie 500 days of Summer? Watch it, if not.

(Women test to see if there is a chemistry?? We don´t need to test it, if it is there:)

Good weekend.

By: hespeler

hespeler — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 18:58:21 +0000

Ria 67,

I agree. I’ve charmed woman who I had no intention of seeing again because, well, it’s the right thing to do in the moment.

The only thing that has made this one tougher to swallow than others (other than the fact that I found her to be georgeous) is that she was much more flirty throughout and kissed me. Again I’m no prude and I understand that sometimes woman kiss to test chemistry (I find that ridiculous but I’m not a woman), but in my dating experience, which is a fair amount, virtually every date that resulted in a kiss guaranteed I was getting a second. But I guess I just ran into one that didn’t put as much weight into the kiss as I did, simple as that.

In the end my ego is in fact bruised but I don’t feel THAT bad as she indicated in sum and substance that she has found a lot of guys uninteresting. I kind of met the female version of me.

Interestingly, I had a friend over the other night and he joked if I was still worked up “over that chick from a couple of months ago?” Little did he know…anyways, he saw her Match picture and while he thought she was attractive, he did not find her hot at all. Here I am putting her on a pedestal and he’s just not that into her…

By: Ria

Ria — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 16:59:04 +0000

@67 – imagine the situation when you meet someone and conversation goes in light manner, nice, polite, wine, dine and then one of you stands up from the chair and states, that “oh well, l actually feel like l should go home, because l dont enjoy your compnay that much.”

In real life, not gonna happen, because most of us still try to maintain decent politeness or just enjoy the moment. That is why most of the guys (and girls) get “lost” after a promising a nice date, which may lead an impression that there could be more.

Having said all that, l am not actually arguing you, instead l second you full time.

The real truth is that there could be gazillion reasons, why someone don´t want someone, and figuring THAT out is a lot work, because we never get the answer and most probably the answer is just as simple - l don´t simply like you THAT much and there is nothing you can do about it –
Time to move on EVEN if your heart/mind and soul does not cooperate at that point but right desicions aren´t ment to be as easy at the beginning.

By: Tao Of Badass

Tao Of Badass — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 15:38:52 +0000

@65
I 100% agree. Why waste your time with someone who is too much of a coward to truly state their intent. If you don’t enjoy my company then let me know. I will have more respect for that person for speaking the truth.

By: hespeler

hespeler — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 14:21:08 +0000

I know I know. I’m under no false pretense that she was my match or anything because if she was I would expect I’d still be seeing her. I just seem to be caught in a catch 22 right now. I would like to date someone else but she has seemed to set the bar pretty high and I haven’t found anyone since that I have found interesting enough to date (at least that will write back to me) so it’s just kind of forces me to think about the last one.

It’s not easy for a guy to stand out. If I were able to go online and just meet someone interesting right away then I would have forgotten about this a long time ago. I’m in the same position most guys are in online; I get e-mails fromn the ones I’m not interested in and get ignored by the ones I do find interesting (except every now and then when one actually writes back and follows through).

By: justme

justme — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 22:33:15 +0000

Sorry if that sounded mean. I have been where you are, thinking about some guy who we had a great date or even two and then he isn’t interested and I’m left wondering why. The truth is – it doesn’t matter why. It’s just time to move on.

By: justme

justme — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 22:31:32 +0000

Hespeler

I know it has been said but LET IT GO!. If you had gotten two dates, you might have found the deal breaker and walked. But because of the intriguing first date and nothing else, she has become this mystery of what might have been great. The only person who knows why she seemed to lose interest is her.

But she has her flaws. And the biggest thing I think is Why waste time thinking about someone who wasn’t interested in you? There will be others who are interested.

By: hespeler

hespeler — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 19:57:22 +0000

helene,

It helps. Though I am now kicking myself…