I didn’t either. If you have a sense of rhythm (about 10% of people don’t), you can learn to dance well. The big difference between someone who is a “natural” (which fortunately I am) and someone who is not is only the time and effort that it takes to achieve the same results.

One of my friends is not a natural. It takes him about 3 to 4 times as long to learn as I do. Five days ago he and another friend won a citywide swing dance competition.

“Most of us men don’t want to look stupid.”

Neither do I. But if you stop worrying about it, you’ll be able to learn to dance faster.

“I’ve been thinking of taking dancing lessons. Do you think it’s a good idea?”

If you’re interested in learning to dance, absolutely.

If you’re solely interested in meeting women, you might pick a hobby that you’ll enjoy more.

One of my instructors (who is a national/international dance champion) said there were five things you needed in order to learn to dance well:
1) group lessons
2) practice
3) private lessons
4) practice
5) practice
And you can skip either the group lessons or the private lessons. (I’ve never taken a private lesson.)

“if yes what kind of dance?”

Start with style that’s easy to learn.
East coast swing, foxtrot, polka, salsa, Texas two-step, etc.

What kind of dancing is popular in your area?
i.e. Texas two-step is not popular in Australia. Find something where you can go out and practice/dance on a regular basis.

What kind of music do you like?
If you prefer fast, up-tempo music, then foxtrot might not be the best choice.

Find a local source of information
If you’re in Houston, I can provide specifics. Otherwise, you’ll want someone who knows your city much better.

If you know someone who dances regularly (and takes lessons, etc.), they will be able to provide insight into the local dance scene.

If you’re ever out and see someone doing any type of partner dancing (and doing it exceptionally well), just go up and ask them where they learned, where they go to dance, etc. That’s how I initially found the studio I’m at. And I’ve answered the same questions dozens of times when out dancing.

Dance studios can also answer some of these questions (where to go practice, what’s easy to learn). If they can’t answer these questions, it’s a sign that they don’t know what they’re doing.

You’ve mentioned dancing as a way to meet women in several of your post. I like most men don’t dance well. Most of us men don’t want to look stupid. I’ve been thinking of taking dancing lessons. Do you think it’s a good idea? and if yes what kind of dance?

I would say that these behaviors may be internalized, but they’re also situational. And I also think through some of your points differently than you do.

If I want to ask a woman on a date to do something fun and unusual, I’ll need to do some internet research. Therefore I want to ask her for a phone number or e-mail address, so I can do my research and have a plan before calling her.

Like most rules, a lot of yours can be broken. A few examples:
1) Hygiene is important, but I once met a woman when I stopped for coffee on my way home from 3 hours of yoga. I left with her business card, an excuse to contact her, and a request from her that we “get together for coffee sometime.”
2) I meet most women through social dancing, where I can expect to break the “touch barrier” immediately.
3) A woman my age has a complete wardrobe, and doesn’t need to buy new clothes just for a date. However, I will frequently comment on how dressy a venue will be (and what I planning to wear), just to make it easier for her to decide what to wear.
4) You can circumvent most familiarity/safety issues if someone the lady knows and trusts feels safe with you.

For an inexperienced dater, I would simply recommend that they read as much dating advice as possible, and do everything that makes sense.

2. I don’t think women, as a group, are “fearful.” What we are, is more cautious. That’s genetic, it’s a survival response, and I’m the first one to say that most women don’t even recognize it as being there. But, if an inexperienced dating male doesn’t adequately compensate for the natural response, he’ll have a lot less luck dating. I think most males learn this by the time they are twenty (mostly by accident) but if you are not having good dating luck, this could be the problem. I’m not saying he’s intentionally coming on too strong, I’m saying he could be giving out inappropriate signals due to inexperience (for example, many men do not realize that the space above a woman’s head is generally part of her personal space, because men don’t generally have to worry about people above their heads). It’s not that the woman is “afraid” per se, it’s that something he’s doing makes her uncomfortable, and women who are uncomfortable are going to say no.

3. Concerning the dating venue (for a first date). The point of a first date (IMVHO) is to see if you like a person well enough to go out with them again (and vice versa). While a person may have a good time at a concert, how does having a good time at a concert improve your knowledge of the other person and whether you would like to go out with them again?

4. Concerning dressing up–I’m saying that dressing up can be a pain, and sometimes a woman will turn you down because she doesn’t feel like committing that much time (for whatever reason, only one of which is she isn’t interested in you personally). My point was to reduce the number of obstacles to a “yes” answer. Casual dress can be just as “enticing” as dress-up clothes, should you so choose.

5. And finally, if I give a guy my number, I expect that he will ask me out if he calls (and that’s my preference as well). I think that’s the preference of most women (else why did you ask, and why did I give it?). I may not have made that clear. However, it really sounds like this guy is either approaching women he already knows, or is asking for a date instead of a phone number. Perhaps I read too much into it.

I do think that asking a woman out that you chat up in a bar or grocery store (even if she gave you her phone number) is much more advanced than asking out someone whom you know a little bit about and can tailor the experience to. People don’t think about the fact that most of their early dates are with people from their high school or other nearby high schools–you have things in common if only teachers and detention, and you usually know who they are or you can ask around about them. You practice on people who are also inexperienced (or forgiving) and who can ask around about you. Women can be very unforgiving of what they see as a “juvenile” mistake. This guy may be a little late out of the gate, and may not yet be up to the advanced moves that someone who’s been dating regularly since 9th grade can do.

“meeting up” with someone (if you can’t or don’t want to ask for a phone number on first acquaintance) doesn’t have to be “stalker” behavior (“Oh, I’m going to be there to, maybe we’ll see each other” and then a *short* interlude), but does permit increased familiarity (which decreases his anxiety too, by the way). Then you ask for the phone number.

Also, if I were at a concert w my friends, for example, I’d want to hang out with my friends.

Woman like it when a guy goes out of his way for her, it makes her feel special and makes him seem more attractive in her eyes. This doesn’t mean stalking her or bringing her roses on the first date. It can be as simple as calling her up (at a reasonable hour in the evening), saying how you enjoyed meeting her, chatting a bit, and – unless you’re hearing any red flags from her (like if she says her ex husband was just released from prison after serving time for murdering her last boyfriend), ask if she’d like to go out sometime, how’s this weekend.

A decent woman should be able to appreciate a little chivalry. If she doesn’t respond, then move on, go back to step 1 and find a gal who does.