I Am Falling In Love With a Man Who Is Finalizing His Divorce. Should I Back Off or Can This Work Out?
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Your blog has been really helpful as I find myself in an interesting situation. I’m 44, divorced with a son in college. Been divorced for a long time. Met someone at work and became friends over the course of 4 years. He’s been separated from his wife of 34 years for the past nearly 2 years. I didn’t realize he was interested in me as more than friends for at least 2 years, but found out 2 months ago. We started dating, held off on sex until last month, but he told me last night that he came to the realization that he’s not sorted through his emotions like he thought he had.
He still wants to see me, doesn’t want to pull away, but also doesn’t want to hurt me because he’s not sure what this will entail. He’s scared, has not felt this way before, and doesn’t know what is next. The divorce will be final within the next 2 months and I think it just really hit him, thought he thought he was doing fine. We get along amazingly well, laugh together, really care about each other and can talk to each other about anything. I’m not sure if I should step back even though he doesn’t want to, and let him work this through. Is there a chance it can work out? I think we can have something really special together. He’s as in touch with his feelings as a man can get, I think, so hopefully he can work through this and move on, hopefully with me. Any suggestions?
You’ve got to ask yourself one question: “Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya?”
Lots of women say they want the truth; few of them know what to do when they receive it.
Because this isn’t a matter about which I can give you any reassurance. All we can do is look at the facts objectively, and then assess your tolerance for risk.
The good news is that you’re with an excellent communicator. He has feelings for you, but has openly expressed his reservations as well. Apart from him declaring his blind love and devotion, you can’t ask for much more than that. Really. Lots of women say they want the truth; few of them know what to do when they receive it.
I know this from first-hand experience. Women always want to know what men are thinking, yet when we let you into our thought process, you immediately find fault – basically because we think things that you wouldn’t want to hear. That’s why we usually don’t say them.
“Yes, I’m attracted to other women.”
“No, I’m not positive humans are biologically programmed for monogamy.”
“Yes, I’m having reasonable doubts about whether we’re meant to be as a couple.”
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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