What I CAN say with all certainty is this:
He is selfish. You are clueless.
He is selfish because, whether he cheated on his fiancée or not, he has to know that you’re in love with him. And while you say that he “assumed we were just friends”, he was still having sex with you. The fact that he wants to stay in touch and act like nothing’s changed indicates that he doesn’t fully understand how much you care. Whether he wants to keep you around as a friend or as a hookup down the road doesn’t matter. Neither case works for you. Lots of guys don’t think they’re selfish when they don’t say “I love you” or make any promises about commitment, but the good ones know when they’re abusing their power. This guy doesn’t seem like a good one.
What I CAN say with all certainty is this: He is selfish. You are clueless.
As for you, G.D – “clueless” may sound harsh, but there are too many things that don’t add up in this story.
Were you investing way too much time in a man who said you were “just friends”?
Did you have a fantasy relationship with a taken guy who blew you off years ago?
Do you foolishly want to win over a man who has been cheating on his fiancée for two years? Or win over a guy who has never given any indication to you in five years that he wants you as a girlfriend.
No matter what the real story is, you’ve made some major miscalculations. No matter how selfish your guy is, it’s your responsibility for not reading the writing on the wall sooner.
Which is why my advice to you echoes exactly what you said in your original letter.
Yes, he cares about you as a friend.
Yes, he still wants to sleep with you.
No, things will never be normal.
No, you shouldn’t be friends with him anymore.
Good luck to you – and good riddance to this one-sided, unrequited love you’ve been harboring for five years. I hope you won’t accept another friends-with-benefits arrangement ever again.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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