Comments on: I Am Heartbroken that my Friend With Benefits is Getting Married and Wants to Remain Friends

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 10:38:01 +0000

I have a similar experience but we started seeing each other for almost 2 months. He did tell me that he didn’t want a girlfriend at that time but what confused me was he got a girlfriend just weeks after! He met this girl around the same time as he met me but ours obviously didn’t work out. After a few months, we started this FWB relationship and it has lasted over 4 years. At the same time, he’s still with that girlfriend while cheating on her with me. If he’s so serious about her, why is he ”cheating?” And since they’ve been dating that long, likely they’ll get married. I don’t get men’s mindsets. I do however admit I’m shameless for knowingly doing this and stupid for hoping he has feelings for me (he knows I do).
But during these years, no matter how active I am in meeting guys and online dating, nothing has ever worked out and not many men find me attractive or ask me out. I don’t have a self-esteem problem and I’m confident I’m attractive, I honestly don’t know what’s my problem. Anyway, I let this go on and on as I need my physical needs fulfilled and don’t care if I have to be self-fish for it.

By: Gina

Gina — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 17:30:56 +0000

FWB is a stupid invention for an old scam. There is nothing honorable about being someone’s “friend” while they are online looking for a real deal!
I read all the posts and SO TRUE, if you’ve been in a FWB situation like that and find out later that he was not divorced, STILL MARRIED to his “ex” you do feel betrayed and stupid. Really, yoiu only went on the facts he gave you and they were not true! What a total cluster f$ck and for too many years in my case. In a profound moment, he said, “So, I guess you know me better than I do!” when I was puttiing together the pieces of the puzzle. What a waste of time and energy trying to figure out WHY his “ex” was still on thier property tax roll…but hey, it’s public information and if you have to investigate, DO IT. Absolutely. And this is a bullet dodged, people. I should be doing flips down my driveway in happiness that I AM FREE to pursue something of worth for myself. You are right, once you KNOW, then move ON. He/It won’t change. He’ll find another idiot. Happily, I have met some very different types of men (like normal, not selfish) who also enjoy my company, and one particular One, So, it is better already. G, Kiss off the fantasy ASAP…he’s toxic.

By: Nelly

Nelly — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 21:37:07 +0000

I recently went through this myself. Much worse though. It was a guy i knew for 15 years. Good freindf for 7 years. We went to high schhol, college, worked together, travelled together, the whole nine. I thought i knew everything about him, i even knew about his girfriends. Over the years when i was living my life he got closer to a girl who was freinds with his sister who passed away. He started cheating with her on his girlfreind at the time. Fast forwrd to 2007. We got up one evening and that changed things. He askled me to hang out with him. We traveled to foreighn land together, had great sex. He told me before it all happened he loved me as a friend. Afterwards he said he loved me. I thought he did. Zoom forward…we fought all year over this girl who he said ” was a freind of the family” and “would not move on” from the previous situation. He has had a girlfriend after her. I thought he was single as he said. Well his grandfatehr passed and i attended the funeral. 10 girls were there, including her. WE talked and got the scoop on hiom. He stood up for the girl’s honor and totally dissed me. 2 girld fought him at the funeral after he disrespected them. The “girlfreimnd” looked ion, and is still with him after learning so so so much of his infidelity. I feel like a huge fool. I knew better. I thought i could have him becase of our history and his persistance, our freinds thought he liked me too. He used to show my picture to girls and say this is who i really wanna be with…yeah right…

By: lets

lets — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:49:09 +0000

Hey Michael…comment #47….loved it….thumbs up…lol

By: lets

lets — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:34:29 +0000

I have tendencies to be like G.D., to offer all of myself to a guy that I have feelings for and patiently hoping that he would someday realize how fortunate he is to have me and love me as much as I love him in return. Martyr effect. True that a “positive” result can happen but I kind of knew that the percentage is ????? Please don’t allow him to use and hurt you any further. Two years is more than enough. If this person had conscience and is a “FRIEND”, he shouldn’t have allowed this to happen in the first place. He knew that he had no love for you. Respect and love yourself more because you deserve it

By: vlh

vlh — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:35:03 +0000

Why didn’t G.D. keep her options open and date other men? At first sign of any inconsistency, or unreliability, in a partner, you should post a profile on a dating site, or at least a personal ad someplace, and line up dates with men who have a bit more potential. I always have at least one in reserve, in case Mr. Now flakes out and becomes a liability.

By: delicia

delicia — Tue, 26 May 2009 19:43:22 +0000

Sam, thanks for the reply…. hmmm, interesting, I guess your situation is a (rare) example of FWB actually working. Good for you and I wish you (and your FWB) all the best!

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 26 May 2009 19:25:15 +0000

My experience with FWB was not with an ex. I think that having it with an ex could complicate things. For me it was a mutual situation where neither party wanted a serious relationship with the other but yet there was a strong physical attraction, and we had fun.Over time there was a development of feelings. I think people try to make FWB something it is not. It’s a bit more than a booty call, IMO. and only time makes it that.

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 26 May 2009 19:19:24 +0000

Sam,
So the sex must be good then?

By: Sam

Sam — Tue, 26 May 2009 16:26:49 +0000

Delicia,

There are a few reasons that my best friend/FWB and I are not married.

1. My best friend/FWB does not want to have children and I completely want them.
2. When we were a conventional couple we also argued a lot, which is not something that happens to me in most of my relationships. Even as FWBs we argue about things.
3. I would like to be with someone who is better educated, has a better job, and more mature.

I will say this, being FWB is not necessarily something that entirely benefits the man. My FWB is always the one who decides what we do and when.