I acknowledge that it’s much easier to say this than it is for it is for you to live it, but the first step is in taking stock of your own decision-making. And, to an objective observer, you’ve put yourself in one unusual position.
What’s particularly unusual about it is how deeply in denial you are about what’s going on. Now, denial is not unusual among women – if it were, He’s Just Not That Into You wouldn’t have made a blip on the radar. But given that most people indulge themselves in some sort of wishful thinking, your refusal to look at the facts of this situation is staggering.
Here they are, restated to you from another point of view. It may be hard to hear, but, well, I don’t know how else to do it:
Your boyfriend was cheating on you. He may have been cheating on you for 2 ½ years, but you didn’t find out until one of the women spoke up and ratted him out. Paging Tiger Woods.
Naturally, he begged you to stay. He wouldn’t want to lose anyone as blindly devoted as you. You bought this, as if this was a sign of his love for you. Nope. It was just a sign of his selfishness, and your cluelessness about his real intentions: to have his cake and eat it, too.
He may have been cheating on you for 2 ½ years, but you didn’t find out until one of the women spoke up and ratted him out. Paging Tiger Woods.
Your “love triangle” as you call it is really about as close to bigamy as it gets. Except your boyfriend is smarter than the average Mormon. He didn’t have to marry either of you! He gets to set the terms of both relationships and see you both when he wants. She has “taken over domestic duties?” You entertain him for the holidays? You both sleep with him? This guy must be charismatic enough to be a cult leader.
Somehow, Terri, you’ve remained willfully blind to the fact that any man who would cheat on you behind your back, ask you to accept it to your face, and keep you as his booty call for 7 months after finding a new girlfriend… is probably not the best choice of partners for you.
And that’s to put it mildly.
He’s kept her a secret because everyone he knows will think he’s a scumbag for doing what he’s doing. Everyone, apparently, except you.
At this point, my dear, your predicament is no longer your boyfriend’s fault, nor is it the “manipulative” other woman’s fault. It’s entirely, 100%, no-questions-asked YOUR fault.
This insanity will only end when you have the courage to walk away.
Otherwise, your amazing boyfriend will continue to be the property of someone else – namely, his girlfriend.
Please take care of yourself and ditch this loser today.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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