Comments on: I Am In Love With a Separated Man Who I Have Never Met. Does That Sound Healthy?

By: Kelly

Kelly — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:19:08 +0000

jlpw: Please get a grip on yourself you were married for 19 years and is head over heels for a man you just met 3 weeks ago. You sound like some giddy school girl and not a grown woman.
This man helped you make decisions you say, that you should have done yourself like get a divorce. Any healthy minded woman wouldn’t need are stranger to tell her right from wrong.
Honey you are right out of the gate so here’s a word of warning. Don’t always believe everything a man tells you especially one you just met.
He said he never cheated but was cheated on. He’s feeding you what you want to hear. Not all men are cheaters. This man is dating you and you’re still married in the eyes of God. Do you really think what you are doing is the best way to go.
How many times has he been married? So many questions you are not looking at.
I say get the divorce take a year to date yourself. If he’s still around after that then see this man but until the paper’s are signed. Get a hold of yourself. This is lust an infatuation not love

By: jlpw

jlpw — Fri, 14 May 2010 13:47:50 +0000

I have recently met a man and have fallen head over heels for him. He on the other hand is quite level headed and logical. He tells me that I am not thinking clearly about things. (I told him I could move closer to him!!) All of his strength in this “thing” we have is making me even more crazy for him. I call it “being in love”, when I know in my heart it is infatuation. But saying “I’m in love” feels so much better! And the kicker is it’s only been 3 weeks. Now, I am no spring chicken.and neither is he. He is a veteran at online dating, me, the first time out of the gate! I don’t care what people are saying, I don’t care what they think! This is the best I have felt in 19 years and I don’t want it to stop! He has been very clear that we are not BF and GF until we are having a F2F and sexually intimate relationship. Fine with me. I still call him my sweetheart. He is very reassuring to me and has in 3 short weeks help me make decisions that I should have made years ago (get a divorce from a very abusive man) If nothing else, he saved my life, mentally and physically. we are making plans to meet. He won’t have a physical/sexual relationship with me until my divorce is final. He wants to see the papers! He has never cheated but been cheated on and doesnt want me to “cheat” on my husband either, no matter the curcumstances. I have never cheated but been cheated on. By my boyfriends and my husband. Don’t know why I stayed. That speaks volumes to me.

By: She

She — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 04:56:22 +0000

This advice is spot-on. You’ve never met him and he’s just ‘separated’. Please love yourself by finding someone real to love you.

By: Selena

Selena — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 12:21:04 +0000

Couldn’t agree more with Evan’s assessment. However,…why not prove to yourself what it is and isn’t? Tell the man you want to fly out to where he lives for a long weekend and get to know him in person. See what he says/does about that. You can either live restlessly in fantasy or be proactive and waste less time.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:45:51 +0000

This post suggests to me someone that may need to work on finding balance with emotions. Not that emotions are bad, per se, but they are not facts. They must be used in conjuntion with wisdom for guidance.

By: JuJu

JuJu — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 01:28:46 +0000

It sounds like this woman has no real world experience whatsoever. Just wondering what’s been happening in her life until the ripe age of early 40′s. It’s as if she’s seen / read / heard nothing but romance novels her entire life.

By: Shari

Shari — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 00:17:54 +0000

Laura,

As many others here have attested, I also know too well those overwhelming feelings of care and commitment that ooze over the screen. For me, as for them, it also never panned out to anything.

But I don’t know if I agree with a time table for when to date someone coming out of a serious relationship. I’ve met men newly out of a relationship ready to go again, and others divorced 10 or more years who are incapable of more than a few casual dates. Weigh it out with the individual and do what Evan said, wait the man out. What a man says means very little, it’s what he does that shows his true intentions.

Good luck!

By: searchingwithin

searchingwithin — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:21:18 +0000

One thing I noticed that I'm surprised no one else made mention to, is the fact that he changed his online profile when she called him out on his marital status, rather than taking it down, which should tell her without question that they are not in a relationship. They are in an Online, long distance, friends with flirtation relationship. I'm not a big fan of Online dating to begin with, and I can't help shaking my head when I see, and read about people who constantly proclaim to be in love with some long distance person because the flirtation through email and phone feels good to them. I have to agree with the rebound, rebound, rebound, and yes, there are always those few exceptions to the rule, but anytime I hear a man state that he has just come out of any relationship, especially if he refers to it as just coming out of a bad relationship, I can't run fast enough. They need to have time to get their feet planted firmly back under themselves again, and I have no intention of having them use me as the cane or crutch to do it with. It is just one of those things we all have to do for ourselves. Just my two cents. searchingwithin´s last blog post...Writer's Block

By: Steve

Steve — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:07:42 +0000

@Kim, post #3

Interesting post! Thanks for typing it all in.

By: Ava

Ava — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 04:09:55 +0000

How can you be in love with someone you’ve never actually met? You may like them alot, may be infatuated, but love? Get a grip! Another thing that’s off about this is the fact that the contact still exists only in the virtual realm. I’ve noticed that some online daters aren’t really daters, but emailers. Even if if it’s long distance, the objective is to eventually meet. After a month and a half, things should have progressed to a phone call or two. Then an actual meeting should be discussed. I would be suspicious of a not-yet-divorced man who may find an email “relationship” a safe and non-threatening distraction from his impending divorce. If he’s been out of the dating scene for so long, that means he’s been married for a long time, and long marriages are not gotten over quickly. These men will say they’re ready, will really want to be ready, but when the divorce becomes final, they run. Believe me, being separated and being divorced are two different things.