Comments on: I Am Not Physically Attracted to My Boyfriend. Can We Possibly Have a Future Together?

By: John

John — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:46:46 +0000

It never ceases to amaze me, that highly intelligent, well educated, smart women would readily complain about true love, simply because it does not come in the right packaging, and choose a well packaged fake.
Here is a woman who is not “physically attracted” to a man who treats her well, is emotionally available to her, and is willing to make any adjustments necessary to preserve their relationship. How else would you describe the term “commitment”? After all, women complain all the time that men don’t want to commit. Here is one that is willing and ready to do so, and what does he get in return? “He is too attached to me” speech. “I am not physically attracted to you” speech. What nonsense.
In my lifetime, I have sometimes realized that attraction sometimes develop SUDDENLY when I am about to lose something or someone. I hope this guy takes a step back, and becomes emotionally distant for a while so that this woman will realize what she is missing.

By: Confused

Confused — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:58:05 +0000

My advice is run while you can. My best friend met a man who she found REPULSIVE. She couldnt even bring herself to kiss him. But he’s successful, makes quite a lot of money, they are a match intellectually etc. So she agreed to be with him and he talked her into having sex with him though she had to be practically drunk everytime they had sex.

Anyway eventually the relationship didnt work out and although they havent spoken in months, to this day she is still haunted by his disgusting breath, his disgusting mannerisms and his repulsive demeanor and she cant get the thought of his slimy hands on her body out of her head.

Who knows what kind of therapy she needs now. Hes gone but what remains is the disgusting afterfeel of having slept with someone like that. Dont do it.

By: Pineapple

Pineapple — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 14:36:13 +0000

From your blog and from life, I get the impressing that if a man can stir your sexual desire, he won’t be very commited. There are two types of men:
- men who settle for relationships because they aren’t as sexually attractive
- men who are sexually attractive to MOST women and use it to their advantage

Biology kind of supports this theory. I guess all of the historical emphasis on a woman’s virtue was to keep her away from the sexually desirable men so she doesn’t know what she’s missing.

By: Stella

Stella — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 22:35:04 +0000

OMG! Im even more confused now! I have the same problem + I am in a distant relation ship for a year now. I was with him for a year before I leave and I still can not break up with him since I love his personality!!
I shoudl add that he is not repulsive for me in any way, I have just never felt that hot in bed with him:(

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 00:27:42 +0000

So John…what are these “feminist” lies?

By: John

John — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 22:44:40 +0000

Each time I visit this site, and read yet another heartbreaking letter, usually from a woman who could not get a boyfriend, a proposal, or a husband, I feel very sad. Not because she couldn’t get a man, but rather, because, more often than not, she has been the one unwittingly sabotaging her relationships.
Imagine this woman who “likes” her boyfriend but does not “feel sexual attraction”. I do hope she realizes that sexual feelings are often dormant in many women, until a man applies the proper stimuli.
Unfortunately, many women are going to end up single and alone for the rest of their lives. This is not because men don’t want them, but because they have believed the feminist lies, and shut themselves away from meaningful relationships.

By: qwop

qwop — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 05:14:32 +0000

Honestly if you have absolutely no physical attraction for this man then you can’t be with him, its just impossible. How can you kiss him if you’re not attracted to him? I’m not saying looks are everything, but you do have to be attracted to him. For example, I’ve had a couple not-so-hot boyfriends but I was still attracted to them. I think your problem is that you’ve known him for a long time without seeing him face-to-face, you need some time to get used to seeing him right there in front of you. You need time to start building the relationship up again from zero, good luck

By: Anna

Anna — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 15:46:42 +0000

I think the most valid point to this whole ordeal is that if you do not want a wandering eye throughout the relationship and hurt the guys feelings it is a whole lot better to end the relationship. And eventhough the lust and the sexual heat dissipates throughout time you’ll have the memory of having lived a complete and full loving experience with both sex and love. You might also think that he is perfect right now but he is courting you and with time you will realize that he has flaws just like you and if you don’t have feelings for him (females tend to connect sexual attraction with their feelings) you will become even more indifferent. Nature poses a lot of problems to us and most of the time we are attracted to the unavailable types. However the trick is to find the attractive available one or to seduce him so well he actually does become available (Not talking about the married man here but of the promiscuous bachellor).

People say that men are hunters but women are too and nature programmed us to want the best possible mate to have the best possible children.

By: Sabina

Sabina — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 05:20:19 +0000

Wow, it seems like lots of people are facing the dilemma I went through. I had a husband who was kind and loving and magazine handsome–tall and muscular etc etc. Unfortunately we just never managed to make it work between the sheets. I spent years trying because he was my best friend and we did everything together. I am still heartbroken that we split up, but in the end I felt there was a wall of ice between us and that I was getting more and more frozen and distant from myself and from him, the longer I stayed in that relationship. I tried to work it out, we went to counselling, but I came to realise it was something of himself that he was always holding back. I honestly felt I was dying inside. By the end I would have sex with him almost crying because it felt so like prostitution, doing it against my will and because he wanted too.

Then later I met someone else. He has a big belly, he’s short, he has some features I like but he’s just not conventionally goodlooking. What bowls me over is his personality–he’s ambitious, driven, perfectionist–hard sometimes to be with but he also really tries in bed. He doesn’t have much time to be solicitous and caring like my ex. Even so, for four years now sex has been dynamite, and this at an age (I’m 45) when women often feel like they are being neglected for younger models. I can say that, though I miss the companionship and attention I had from my ex a lot, I also feel a closeness to my new man which is a source of bliss. There is definitely something on the sexual level which has to work for the relationship to work, long term. And no, it’s not to do with looks, or attentiveness, but as many posters have said, the self-respect that underlies them. I wasted such a lot of my life trying to make a relationship work and I now wish that despite the pain I had split up earlier with my husband (once I realised it was something over which I had no control) and not hung in waiting for things to improve. I still love my ex and I see him a lot; I miss the life we had together but I can’t imagine going to bed with him at all.

By: Bibinator

Bibinator — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 23:19:53 +0000

I am shocked to see so many women in the same situation… but at the same time also understand women are only following their natural instinct of wanting protection. I think with the new found freedom women have encountered; being able to fend for themselves gave us a false sense of belief that we can have it all. I don’t think we can; if we want to have a family someday. And once this realization sets in, so does reducing our desires in finding a good looking and successful man. We end up settling for the Nice Guy who can provide enough. And I am on the very same path now… I just pray to God that I will love him in time to make this work because I really don’t find him sexually attractive at all. Sigh.