The moral of the story is that you are ALWAYS responsible for how you leave a conversation. This is equally true on dates. By being optimistic, playful, interested and interesting, you can almost always transform any evening into a pleasant experience. The problem is that we don’t; we expect the other person to do the heavy lifting – to make the plans, to ask the silly questions, to raise the playing field. We all want someone to set the tone and follow along, instead of realizing that we’re always setting the tone ourselves.
I realize that I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent from your original question, Dwayne, but this is important. If your email dialogue is flagging, it’s not simply because she’s not interested in you – it’s because you haven’t captured her imagination. You haven’t created a compelling reason why she should write back to you over all others. And yet most of us get online and wonder why it always feels so stale. It’s because YOU’RE making it stale, and you’re accepting stale conversation from others.
As explained in great detail in this article, most emails sound like they could have been pre-written by anyone in the world. Here is one short email that makes 11 mistakes in only a couple of lines. See if you are guilty of doing any of the following.
If you’re going to write the same exact email as every single person on the dating site, you can’t be surprised when you get deleted quickly like junkmail.
Dear X (1)
I just read your profile (2) and thought it was really great (3). I also thought you were cute (4) and loved the fact that you go hiking with your brothers every summer. I do the same with my best friends. (5). Anyway, check out my profile (6) and see if you like what you read (7). If you want to know anything more about me, just ask. (8) My number is 555-1212. (9)
I hope to hear back from you soon (10).
Here’s what’s wrong with this very simple, innocuous email that you’ve probably written (or received) 100 times.
1) Dear X
She knows her name. Better to start off with something engaging right from the get go.
2) I just read your profile – She knows you read her profile.
3) …and thought it was really great. Of course. Otherwise, why would you be writing to her?
4) I also thought you were cute. She knows you think she’s attractive. So does every other guy on here.
5) and love the fact that you go hiking with your brothers every summer. I do the same with my best friends. “Me, too!” The crux of most email exchanges is taking something the other person did and saying, “Me, too”! There’s nothing wrong with a “Me, too” email, but how is someone supposed to respond? “Um, great?” Establishing commonality is often a symbol of trying too hard to sell yourself.
6) Anyway, check out my profile. She knows she’s supposed to check out your profile. That’s usually what happens after someone reads an email.
7) …and see if you like what you read sounds weak, like you’re asking for her approval. Assume success and you’re more likely to have success. Say “if you like what you read” and you’ll probably fail.
8 ) If you want to know anything more about me, just ask. Your profile should be good enough that she shouldn’t have to strain hard for information about you.
9) My number is 555-1212. Newsflash: Women don’t like cold-calling strange men who offer their numbers on the Internet!
10) I hope to hear back from you soon Wishy-washy. Don’t put her up on a pedestal.
11) Sign your name! You sound creepy if you don’t warm it up with a signature.
This probably sounds incredibly nitpicky, but it’s not. If you’re going to write the same exact email as every single person on the dating site, you can’t be surprised when you get deleted quickly like junkmail.
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