So if everything you’ve been doing in your emails is ineffective – if everything that comes naturally to you is too dull – what ARE you to do? The opposite of what’s above. Don’t say anything that is obvious. Don’t sell yourself. Don’t kiss ass. Don’t overpraise. Don’t ask for them to consider you. Don’t ask for them to write back to you. Act like you’re a catch – confident, bold, funny. If you sound like you’re presuming you’ll get an email back, you’re much more likely to get an email back.
And remember, keep it light. You’re not here to find out if a person will sleep with you or marry you in a first email. Could you imagine having such serious conversations with a stranger at a party?
“Excuse me, ma’am. You look very attractive. I think we have a lot in common – particularly our mutual love of rum punch. Would you like my phone number and to learn more about me?”
Who would a woman rather go out with – the boring lunkhead who asks for her number before he’s had a chance to charm her, or the witty guy whose every email she anticipates with delight? It’s a no-brainer.
Imagine saying that in real life! Now, consider that you’ve been saying that to hundreds of women online for years. No wonder the conversation goes nowhere!
Whether you’re a man or a woman, you need to differentiate yourself. And studies show that confidence and humor are the two most desirable qualities in both men AND women. So instead of playing the blame game and pointing fingers at people who take a long time to email, or say nothing interesting, or write only one line, step up and try a little harder yourself. You may be shocked how those same people become a lot more interested and interesting when you give them more to work with.
I’ve got two techniques for writing first emails that I describe in Finding the One Online. One is called Fun Fiction, in which you make up something silly based on a detail in the other person’s profile. The other is called Opinion Openers, where, instead of stating a “me, too” fact (You like Bruce Springsteen? I like Bruce Springsteen!), you offer your opinion – in which your personality shines through (Hey, if The Boss is from New Jersey, how come he sounds more like Woody Guthrie than Tony Soprano when he sings? What part of New Jersey has an Oklahoma accent?).
You may think that this stuff doesn’t matter – that people only write back to the most attractive people no matter what. So while I will acknowledge that being hot and stupid is more effective than being ugly and fascinating, the truth lies somewhere in between. A great email will never make someone who doesn’t want to date you consider you, but it WILL tip the balance when someone is choosing between a dozen otherwise similar candidates. Who would a woman rather go out with – the boring lunkhead who asks for her number before he’s had a chance to charm her, or the witty guy whose every email she anticipates with delight? It’s a no-brainer.
So do yourself a favor, Dwayne: stop beating up on yourself because she doesn’t sound interested. Be more interesting, and you’ll never have to wonder if there was anything else that you could do on your own behalf.
Seriously, my friend, this is a very do-able technique and I’ve helped hundreds of guys (and thousands of women) master online communication.
Check out my CD series if you really want to get the best results out of your online dating experience.
And don’t forget to let me know how it goes…
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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